Pink Elephant
Well-Known Member
All the more reason for you to be pointed in your quest to firmly set her straight as to call length.
I cannot be on the phone all day, everyday
- Thread starter Wish
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Pink Elephant
Well-Known Member
Was just giving more thought to this whole telephone talk time thing, and I remember when my kids were little, one thing I never did was rush to answer the phone, particularly if I was busy doing something related to baby-care, etc. The phone could wait, was my adage.
But wouldn't you just know it, and just like Murphy's Law... I could be sitting with time on my hands all morning, and not a single phone call would come though, but the instant someone needed a diaper change and I'd start changing them, the phone would ring. Drove me crazy.
But wouldn't you just know it, and just like Murphy's Law... I could be sitting with time on my hands all morning, and not a single phone call would come though, but the instant someone needed a diaper change and I'd start changing them, the phone would ring. Drove me crazy.
Pink Elephant
Well-Known Member
Totally awesome advice, Apple! I 100% wholeheartedly agree!
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
Some people will go with the make-an-excuse route, but I don’t think it will be helpful in this case.
If you say you need to do chores, she will have some reason you should put it off or that you should do them while talking to her.
If you say, “ I need to vacuum” she will propose that you do it later, or give you twenty minutes, then call back.
If you say you have to run errands, that might work for a day, but how many days in a row can you do errands? She will see through this approach and call you on it. Accuse you of trying to avoid her (which would be true, of course). Then you will have to come clean anyway, or give in to her. It will be a scene, either way.
Might as well take the bull by the horns and get it done quickly.
If you say you need to do chores, she will have some reason you should put it off or that you should do them while talking to her.
If you say, “ I need to vacuum” she will propose that you do it later, or give you twenty minutes, then call back.
If you say you have to run errands, that might work for a day, but how many days in a row can you do errands? She will see through this approach and call you on it. Accuse you of trying to avoid her (which would be true, of course). Then you will have to come clean anyway, or give in to her. It will be a scene, either way.
Might as well take the bull by the horns and get it done quickly.
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Pink Elephant
Well-Known Member
Agree with all the above!
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
I have had to do this more than once, but I have never had someone as extreme as the OP’s friend!
Most people get the hint.
Pink Elephant
Well-Known Member
That's the sad part to all of this, sounds like the woman runs on her own wave-length. I'm all for individuality, but being considerate to others should take front and centre stage.
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
She obviously has issues, and I feel sorry for her kids.
Either she has run her other friends off by her behavior or they have trained her not to bother them as much.
Pink Elephant
Well-Known Member
It definitely relays subtle cues as to why she may be single.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
A little white lie hurts nobody. "My neighbor is here. I have to go." "Sorry but I was just on the way to see the doctor." But that is just short term. I would probably say"I love hearing from you but I don't like talking on the phone for long chats. It's not just you. It's with everyone." And I would insist. If she won't get it because she DOES hear and comprehend your words, or if she chooses to get mad, then she is not a real friend.
I almost never do the phone now. Princess calls sometimes but she rather text as she is busy with my feisty grand. Bart and I talk the longest....sometimes an hour, usually twenty minutes. I text Sonic and Jumper and they text me. We see them see them so much no need for long phone calls. My cell phone heats my ear if I talk too long lol. We have no landline, haven't for years. So often I tell Bart my ear is sweating so it's time to go. I make it lighthearted but it's true.
Really, Friend expects too much of your time. It's not fair.
I almost never do the phone now. Princess calls sometimes but she rather text as she is busy with my feisty grand. Bart and I talk the longest....sometimes an hour, usually twenty minutes. I text Sonic and Jumper and they text me. We see them see them so much no need for long phone calls. My cell phone heats my ear if I talk too long lol. We have no landline, haven't for years. So often I tell Bart my ear is sweating so it's time to go. I make it lighthearted but it's true.
Really, Friend expects too much of your time. It's not fair.
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Welp, woke up from a nap and there is the angry text message from her.
When I started to write this original post, I was writting a description of her but thought "they probably don't want to hear all this." So I kept it short and simple. But all of your radar is completely right about her and you don't even know the half of it. Personality disorders run very deep with this one, mixed in with hellacious anger issues. A bad day in her life reaches to abnormal levels almost daily with all of her crazy stories. On the same hand, she also has a very high IQ which shows. She is smart like a whip. Mix that all together, its a recipie for disaster.
To wake up to another angry message because I didn't answer the phone yesterday is enough and to get accused of ridiculous things that are the complete antithesis of the truth, I just can't do it anymore. She ended our friendship again. Great. I can't do this anymore anyway. It's a shame because her good side, is really, really good. She is a loyal, helpful friend (so am I, I give way more than I recieve, I make sure of it). I can never take that away from her . She is smart, intelligent, funny........but then there is this other side of her, like a monster and there is no reasoning with it. Anyway, that's that. I knew I wrote this whole post to begin with for a reason. I felt her getting angry and it's exactly what happened. Oh well. What can I do.
When I started to write this original post, I was writting a description of her but thought "they probably don't want to hear all this." So I kept it short and simple. But all of your radar is completely right about her and you don't even know the half of it. Personality disorders run very deep with this one, mixed in with hellacious anger issues. A bad day in her life reaches to abnormal levels almost daily with all of her crazy stories. On the same hand, she also has a very high IQ which shows. She is smart like a whip. Mix that all together, its a recipie for disaster.
To wake up to another angry message because I didn't answer the phone yesterday is enough and to get accused of ridiculous things that are the complete antithesis of the truth, I just can't do it anymore. She ended our friendship again. Great. I can't do this anymore anyway. It's a shame because her good side, is really, really good. She is a loyal, helpful friend (so am I, I give way more than I recieve, I make sure of it). I can never take that away from her . She is smart, intelligent, funny........but then there is this other side of her, like a monster and there is no reasoning with it. Anyway, that's that. I knew I wrote this whole post to begin with for a reason. I felt her getting angry and it's exactly what happened. Oh well. What can I do.
I tried multiple times talking to her about this issue, about the phone, in so many polite ways, I really, really have. I have emails and texts to even prove it. Her replies were always so angry and nasty. Seriously? I should never had deal with that nonsense. I'm done with being a punching bag.
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
This is even beyond what I thought at first.
She either has a serious disorder or she is on drugs. Maybe both.
She has cut off your friendship because you didn’t answer your phone yesterday? That is bizarre and stalkerish behavior, to say the least. Controlling and abusive.You should just block her number, Facebook, whatever ways you are connected.
It’s a good thing that she lives across the country, because she could get violent. You can’t reason with an unreasonable person. You can only be abused by them.
I feel sorry for her kids, because they almost certainly are in an abusive situation. Previously I thought she was merely neglectful, but now it is both.
Please don’t have any more contact with this person. She is not your responsibility.
Hope you feel better soon.
She either has a serious disorder or she is on drugs. Maybe both.
She has cut off your friendship because you didn’t answer your phone yesterday? That is bizarre and stalkerish behavior, to say the least. Controlling and abusive.You should just block her number, Facebook, whatever ways you are connected.
It’s a good thing that she lives across the country, because she could get violent. You can’t reason with an unreasonable person. You can only be abused by them.
I feel sorry for her kids, because they almost certainly are in an abusive situation. Previously I thought she was merely neglectful, but now it is both.
Please don’t have any more contact with this person. She is not your responsibility.
Hope you feel better soon.
Yes, yes and tripple yes. That's why I just stop answering the phone because no matter what I say, and yes, I tried every avenue, white lies, the hard truth, gentle truth, it's always a scene. Now that I am thinking about it. I felt like a hostage. I feel like if I didn't answer that phone, there will be hell to pay. I'm sorry, I can't do that anymore. I am a grown adult woman that has grown adult things to do everyday and can't be on the phone all the time nor do I want to be. Here's the thing, I don't even know why she wants to talk to me that much! She tells me her problems, and you would think she would want a response back but she talks right over me. It's like I am just a sounding board. She acts like she is too above my advice, help or compassion, so why does she even need me that much? That's the thing that confuses me the most.
You have no idea how many times I thought this, and even then, I still didnt' feel safe sometimes.
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
I agree with this.
That’s why you need to block her for good, and don’t allow her to lure you back in. She may turn on the charm when she realizes she has gone too far and you are done with her.
The same pattern that an abusive spouse/significant other will use. Friendships can be abusive as well. Stalkerish, too.
AppleCori
Well-Known Member
I thought she might be like this.
You are her audience. A hostage audience. Only good enough to look on her adoringly and clap at her performances.
And at times, her punching bag.
Nothing more.
You aren’t even a real person to her. Just someone she can use.
All people are that way for her. That’s why she can’t keep any friends. Because she can’t BE a friend. Because SHE is the only one that really matters, to her.
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AppleCori
Well-Known Member
Is this the same friend that told you that your roommate is a pedophile because he bought his niece a gymnastic outfit for her birthday?
Yes
