I can't, I don't, it's too hard...

[SearchingForRainbows]

Heather,

I've been thinking about this for awhile now and still can't come up with any good ideas. in my humble opinion, I think several others have already mentioned this, your difficult child enjoys the drama she gets out of dragging you into this situation day in and day out. I can see why you're worn out!!!

I agree with you that giving her additional consequences, besides the ones she'll receive, such as poor grades, is a bad idea. I agree that poor grades are enough of a consequence.

Oh no, just looked at the time - I have to get my difficult children at school. If I think of anything that might be useful to you, I'll be back here later.

Anyway, sorry you're going through this. WFEN

 

[flutterbee]

I'm so excited! I just had a really good idea! (I think.)

You know how when you go to the doctor's office, you get a pamphlet that states Patients Rights and Responsibilities? What about drafting up something like that for Wynter....Student's Rights and Responsibilities?

So...Student's rights would be something like: right to be treated with dignity, right to receive help in any area needed....and I'm still thinking.

Student's responsibilities would be something like: log on daily and work on assignments, ask for help when needed...and I'm still thinking.

What do you guys think?

 

[Josie]

Heather,

I'm not sure this is really within her control to change as much as you would like.

She sounds just like my difficult child 2. For difficult child 2, she is able to do the math or whatever homework it is, but she gets it stuck in her head that she can't. Then she is truly unable to actually figure it out. Even though, if she would just sit down and do it, she would see that it wasn't that hard. Like your daughter, most things come easy to her so when it is not readily apparent to her, she gets extremely anxious. Often, if she goes away and comes back to it, she is able to do it.

I don't think it is a matter of being lazy or of liking the drama. If it is anything like our house, how could she possibly like the drama that does happen?

Maybe her medications need adjusting?

Just my thoughts based on my daughter's experience. We don't have hers under control yet but are not having to deal with it right now. We have an agreement with the school that they will only grade what she does at school so she has no homework. I may have to homeschool her soon and then I am sure I will face the same situation.

 

[flutterbee]

FOP -

You're right. She gets stuck. But, she gets stuck before she even gets started. Before she even sits down to do the work. I know that once I can get her started and get through the initial angst, she's ok.

The anticipation is worse than the event.

But, then she turns it around on me and it's my fault she can't do it. (I wish I had half the power she thinks I have.) I'm trying to show her it's her responsibility because experience with her has shown me that once she's accepted responsibility for something, she's pretty good with the follow through.

 

[meowbunny]

Heather, you might try telling her it's all Dammit Janet's fault and she's too far away to do anything about it. And if it's not her fault, it's mine. I've been blamed for snow, rain, accidents on the highway, a movie she saw at a sleepover that gave her nightmares, the school textbook for not having the answer she thought it should and so on. So, go ahead tell her to blame us. We're used to it.

 

[totoro]

This is so interesting... I am sure not so for you Heather!!! But k is so very much like this. But a 6 yo.
She does seem to do a lot of the build up prior to even beginning a task, getting it in her head that she is dumb, she can't, it is too hard, or what ever is going on in her little mind at the moment.
But then if we can catch her on a good moment or day, WOW! She is amazing, while these moments are few and far between. It is truly awesome to see, because she is excited by the fact that she "gets" it and that she can do it. Know what I mean??
So you know these kids are smart and that they have the ability to do it.
But K does the same thing, the frustration, the breakdowns, the drama... and it will be over drawing a picture of what she thinks a dinosaur looked like from a story! Or 10 math problems. Something that should not be so stressful, and I am not forcing her to do it, we are working on it, I am sitting with her. "I CAN"T"
I have been thinking about you and Wynter... Incentive is such a hard one for K, the contract, she just wrote up a little list of chores, her idea! For some allowance. She tried 1 day... could care less now. Charts, incentive, all of that has never worked for us... once in awhile a bribe will. It has to be in your face right now! Other wise out of site out of mind....
I have started to just walk away also, and sometimes she will sit and then start doing it by herself, sometimes.

 

[flutterbee]

MB -

I was SURE it wasn't my fault. Thank you!!! for letting me know where to place the blame! And while we're on the subject, would you do something about this frigid weather already?!! It's getting old.



T -

It used to be when I walked away she would work on it and figure it out. Now, she just stops, too. ARGH!!!