I could talk for days, new to board.

[Dixies_fire]

I'm not offended by anything anyone said I promise when I spoke to the CPS lady a month ago she recommended the play therapy, but she had interviewed my daughter separately and listened to a bunch of things tk said like getting left alone because I went to the mail box. In colorado yelling in front of your kids is considered child abuse, the lady took everything tk said at face value not knowing tk. She wanted tk to go to play therapy because she thought tk might be getting abused not because she knows the issues tk has it made me defensive. I've fought for all of tk's life to make sure she was raised by her parents and not her grand parents not bounced around to anyone but her dad and that was because I had to let him see her. I made my first marriage work long after its expiration date because we wanted her to have a home with two parents. she was the biggest reason I joined the army to make a future for us. My husbands issues... Sigh.... Man the whole situation has me feeling like I have wasted the last ten years of my life, that no matter what I do my children are going to have issues no matter how hard I tried to do it right the fact I would only marry a man who cared about my existing children and to have him just fall apart the way he has... Anyway that's the depression talking... My whole point for this post was to relate what happened today at The park. As I mentioned boyo is with bio dad and tk has been doing really well. Well today she hit a kid at the park because another dog attacked our dog and a group of little psychopathic children were chanting for the bigger dog to kill our little dog. Our dog is fine by the way not hurt at all. anyway tk hit the little girl and the girl hit her back. She was angry and was set off and took it out on someone she perceived as weaker. So she's grounded. Sigh. I knew it wouldn't take long. The dr appointment next week can't get here soon enough.

 

[Liahona]

People outside our family thought I was nuts for years because difficult child 1 didn't present symptoms around them. I guess TK acting out with others is a double edged sword.

Keep a behavior record. I found it helped to write it all down. It helped me so I didn't feel like I had to carry it around with me to remember for the dr. A parent report has also helped.

*Was the child she hit one of the chanting kids? I'd be tempted to hit them to.

 

[Dixies_fire]

Yes I think she was and I can certainly understand her anger at the whole situation. Parents are sitting there watching the kids listening to them say that stuff and didn't give a eff. Sigh. I have been dealing with this for years and the rest of my family did think I was nuts until this year and she started to get violent. Her dad is hesitant about it all but he doesn't really argue with me about it like he used to. A few months ago when all the stuff blew up with my husband and I decided I wanted tk to go to her dad where she could have more individual attention and probably able to get better doctors cause she would be seeing people off post my best friend told me I was choosing my husband over my kid and it took me a while to calm down from that and call her and tell her that she couldn't understand my situation because she had never lived it and she would never trust her husband to parent her kids because she had never had to. Tk spent almost 3 full years with her dad without me around because of my career even though we were married. At some point I have to give credit where it's due and say he has as much of a right as I do and if it would help her then I will swallow my pride. But with his girlfriend pregnant again it makes me doubt if it would be better for her or not.

 

[Marguerite]

Dixies fire, it does sound like you have your hands full. The health professionals blowing you off doesn't help either. I've found sometimes I need to go in with a request and also some basis for asking for what I want. For example, when difficult child 3 was a toddler and we realised there were problems (in his case, language delay made it more obvious) the GP I went to did not want to refer us to anyone because he felt I was making it up (long story - the guy was a jerk). So I said, "If I am wrong, the specialist will tell me I am wrong. I will be reassured. if I am right, the sooner we find out, the better. I sincerely hope I am wrong. You believe I am wrong. Let the specialist confirm this."

Sadly, I was right. Also sadly, the GP could never accept this. At a later time, he refused to accept the autism diagnosis. I told him to argue with the specialist he referred me to, because that's who made the diagnosis, not me.

Mind you, difficult child 3 is doing amazingly now.

A lot of what MWM said about autism was ringing bells for me. difficult child 3's older sister does not have a diagnosis of autism, but we were told when she was 10 that she has Asperger's traits. We never had the oldest one assessed for anything, we didn't want to know and she was managing okay.

The thing is, even without a diagnosis, there is still a lot you can do. Your friend with an autistic child may well be apparently handling things better because they have a routine. Kids like this thrive on routine and often the household unconsciously patterns around a routine set by the child. So that can be a start - routine. Second thing - get your hands on "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It deals primarily with what is often described as ODD. It deals with it in a way that can turn things around. Cause doesn't matter, diagnosis doesn't matter. How you handle the kid is what matters.

Next - get that neuropsychologist evaluation. Two angles you can try to get the referral -

1) "We need to know what educational issues she may have. Is she gifted? Are there gaps in her abilities? Does she need support in any way? Does she perhaps need extension in gifted areas? I'd like to know because some of her behavioural problems may be due to frustration."

OR

2) "I am concerned at some of her behaviours. I'd like to ensure she gets the most appropriate management, and not just shove pills into her. if she needs medications, then an assessment will be better evidence for this, as well as pointing us to which medications specifically, and how much as well as for how long. I would prefer a thorough evaluation before we go down the medication route. Sometimes other management techniques can help reduce or avoid the need for medications, and surely that would be a good thing?"

Use the same technique to get her into counselling. At 8 she is a bit young for CBT, which could be why you got fobbed off, but if you hunt around and find the right expert who can do CBT with a bright younger child, THEN get the referral, it may be easier for you. (CBT - Cognitive Behaviour Therapy).

You can also push the money button - "I believe that this will be the cheapest option in the long run, as well as the option with the best long-term chance of success. Help us cut to the chase and not waste any more of this little girl's time."

Good luck. Welcome to the ranks of pushy parenting. If you can pull this off, you can get to the point where the doctor, when he sees you coming, reaches for his referral pad and waits for you to tell him who to write it to.

Marg

 

[Dixies_fire]

Marg thank you I feel a little better equips to deal with the doctor now. I have some hope as this guy is not a butthole so far and hasn't tried to rail road me the other times I've had to deal with him for my infant's well baby visits. The other guy we used to see I swear I don't think he said two words to my children he was even a butt to my toddler who was just standing there next to the examining table tk was sitting on "restrain your child please". I was like really? Why would you be a pediatrician if seeing a child standing there bugs you? Of course this was at the same time he was telling me I was being pushy and trying to medicate my kid for no reason after bringing back the teachers response to the ADHD questionnaire which did not have as much depth as my questionnaire but still had some red flags in my opinion. Thank you really. I was in cbt and it worked very well for me I think it is the only reason I can handle the stuff on my plate now.