L
Liahona
Guest
There is a road here that goes all the way through the states and up to Canada. It has been so tempting to just keep driving.
I feel like giving up ...
- Thread starter shellyd67
- Start date
B
Bunny
Guest
Shelley, do you have any relatives close by that would be willing to take difficult child for a sleepover one night? My mother in law lives very close to us (which really is a blessing) and sometimes, usually when the kids have a week off from school, she will take the kids for a sleepover. She's take difficult child one night and easy child another night so that each one gets their special "Gram time" and each one gets to feel like they are being spoiled. It is so much more relaxed around here when it's difficult child's turn to go down to their house. Just a thought since llamafarm mentioned respite.
Please wave as you go by... 'cause if I leave... I ain't stoppin' until the southern-most border of Texas.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
As you have no doubt read over the last 4 months, I can surely understand! It was also pretty difficult during the years when the boys were growing up. We didnt have much in the way of people willing to jump in to take our younger two for even a night or two so we had to make the best of it. There were many years during the middle times when I swear that we simply went on auto-pilot. It can be so hard but if you can just stick it out, you do come out the other side...and if there is no Buck in your family, it will be good. LOL. One thing to remember is that you are a couple first and parents second. The kids will only be with you for a short period of time and you want to still have that relationship when they are gone.
MyFriendKita
Active Member
It seems like it's much harder for men to accept that their kids have problems, especially when it's their sons. Our son was born with a clubfoot, and husband didn't want anyone to know. To me, it wasn't anything to be ashamed of. When it was becoming obvious our son had some kind of behavioral problem (around age 8), it took a long time for husband to accept it. He kept wanting to believe it was a phase our son would outgrow. He only agreed to look into counseling for our son when the problems were so bad there were no more alternatives. By then, difficult child was 15. As we began to unravel difficult child's issues and get help (in our case, medication, but that's not the answer for everyone), and husband could see that difficult child was improving, he began to accept that there was something wrong with difficult child. But it took a very long time for him to get on board.
shellyd67
Active Member
husband definetly took WAY longer to admit difficult child had any problems. I was atleast 2-3 years ahead of him.
Last night husband arranged for a babysitter and took me out for an awesome dinner and we talked for over 2 hours. We both love eachother and our family and we have been thru so much together and we are going to make it work.
There are no answers with difficult child. We just decided to handle things as they come and continue being proactive with school and difficult child's extra curricular activities, etc.
I just can't think about it anymore my head is so clogged and consumed with it.
Last night was a nice break and being united can only help our rough situation.
Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart for being here for me ...
Last night husband arranged for a babysitter and took me out for an awesome dinner and we talked for over 2 hours. We both love eachother and our family and we have been thru so much together and we are going to make it work.
There are no answers with difficult child. We just decided to handle things as they come and continue being proactive with school and difficult child's extra curricular activities, etc.
I just can't think about it anymore my head is so clogged and consumed with it.
Last night was a nice break and being united can only help our rough situation.
Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart for being here for me ...
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
I hope he has cooled off, Shelly. I would suggest that you pick a time to talk. When he comes home from work, calmly say, "Tuesday evening (Thur lunch, etc) would be a really good time for us to make some plans about difficult child. Is that a good time for you?"
If he says he's not sure, then he has to pick a time. Within a week.
Then, don't get dragged into a discussion until the actual mtng.
If he says he's not sure, then he has to pick a time. Within a week.
Then, don't get dragged into a discussion until the actual mtng.
welcometowitsend
Member
Shelly - I really understand what you mean about not being connected with your husband like you used to be. I have found the same thing in my marriage these past 6 months. Especially the last 2 months. It seems all we talk about is difficult child. It consumes our life and our conversations which is very stressful. WE have to make a big effort to have some time together that doesn't involve talking about him or the problems that surround him. But we have decided to do it. A dinner out, a movie night holding hands (sometimes he'll rub my feet too), and an agreement to a difficult child free zone for a little while. Just to feel normal.
I don't know the answer for you. I often feel like I have given my life to my family, so much so that I am not sure who I am any more. We give so much and feel unappreciated and often like we're fighting a losing battle. It's frustrating and we want to run away but we can't give up. Our Mommy instincts won't let us.
I'm not saying this to hijack your thread - only to let you know that I hear you and I understand you. I sympathize with how you are feeling and want you to know that you're not alone.
One thing that struck me after all the hurtful things my difficult child has said and done recently..... I have given up so much - including taking care of my own health - in order to serve them. I don't regret it but I have learned a valuable lesson. I'm important too and if I don't love me and take care of me no one else will. I made a decision that I am not going to put all my eggs in my children's baskets and hope that they make me happy with their success in life and by the way they turn out. It's not their job for one thing and for another thing I don't want to rely on something like that anymore for my happiness. I'm going to be happy just for me because I deserve it - for no other reason than because I am here on this earth, alive and breathing. You deserve it too.
As hard as it is we have to make some time each day to not think about the difficulties in our life but to focus on small things that make us happy, focus on treating ourselves well and doing something that we love. And if you don't know what you love because you haven't been able to discover it - start on that path of discovery. You are so worth it!!
Big hugs to you
I don't know the answer for you. I often feel like I have given my life to my family, so much so that I am not sure who I am any more. We give so much and feel unappreciated and often like we're fighting a losing battle. It's frustrating and we want to run away but we can't give up. Our Mommy instincts won't let us.
I'm not saying this to hijack your thread - only to let you know that I hear you and I understand you. I sympathize with how you are feeling and want you to know that you're not alone.
One thing that struck me after all the hurtful things my difficult child has said and done recently..... I have given up so much - including taking care of my own health - in order to serve them. I don't regret it but I have learned a valuable lesson. I'm important too and if I don't love me and take care of me no one else will. I made a decision that I am not going to put all my eggs in my children's baskets and hope that they make me happy with their success in life and by the way they turn out. It's not their job for one thing and for another thing I don't want to rely on something like that anymore for my happiness. I'm going to be happy just for me because I deserve it - for no other reason than because I am here on this earth, alive and breathing. You deserve it too.
As hard as it is we have to make some time each day to not think about the difficulties in our life but to focus on small things that make us happy, focus on treating ourselves well and doing something that we love. And if you don't know what you love because you haven't been able to discover it - start on that path of discovery. You are so worth it!!
Big hugs to you
StressedM0mma
Active Member
Oh I am right in the middle of the getting in the car and not coming back. difficult child is back to alot of her old ways, and husband is not helping out at all. He sees she has problems, but right now is too self involved with his biking to be bothered. When he isn't at work, he is riding his bike. He will be gone for 4-6 hours. And, I am left dealing with difficult child ALL.ON.MY.OWN. Honestly I have no idea how all of you single moms do it. I absolutely hate this feeling. Right now is the 'This is so not the life I signed up for." I am tired of husband difficult child and easy child looking at me like a do nothing around here. That I do nothing for them, and that I am basically a worthless servant. This is one of those mornings that I would love to back a bag, take my dogs and drive away.
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