It is his responsibility to learn how to be as functional as he can with his limitations. I have become more accepting of this and know I cant change it.
“she has a right to make decisions for her own health.. even if they’re stupid ones.”
I don't believe your son is capable of making good decisions for himself or to be completely on his own. He doesn't really understand that no medications means he can die. He also has delusions about the world and has suffered in utero drug exposure, probable alcohol exposure
How to reconcile these two perspectives.
I agree with you SWOT. I do not think he is making good decision. I do not think he understands the risk he is putting himself in. I do think he believes he can control his Hepatitis with OTC supplements. I do think his anxiety about his health is so severe as to render him paralyzed and thus almost incapable of medication compliance because of fear rather than lack of concern.
I think that this is the distinction. If the psychiatric diagnosis makes it so somebody cannot understand their health situation and undermines significantly their compliance with treatment, they lack capacity to make medical decisions. And I think my son is impaired in both of these ways.
Plus I think that the manner in which he lives is the coup d'tat. The way that he lives is so disorganized that he is further destabilized psychologically.
At the same time he has such objective disorganization and instability of his life lacking any control over and consistency in his housing that it would be impossible for anybody to adhere to any kind of important self-care regimen in these circumstances.
So it sounds like I have convinced myself to look into medical guardianship. And it also underscores my need to go to Social Security, because I have to get what ever leverage I can have to help my son address money and housing through his having a payee, whether me or somebody else.
I do not think that my son is going to come up with answers in the psychological place he is in right now. It is like a tire in a puddle of mud. He cannot get traction.
From a place of security and calm he can become more functional and responsible. Where he is psychologically now, it is not going to happen. I do not think so.
I think my first step is going to be to call the treatment facility where he is now. There is not a signed release so I will not get anywhere but I will start with my son, and see if we can find a place of cooperation. I kind of doubt it. But I will start there.
I will also look into finding an attorney. And I think I will make a call to a psychiatrist. Not sure on that one. Maybe I will wait until I speak with my son and see if we can agree on a release. Because there will be a psychiatrist that works with the facility where he is at. It makes sense to deal with this as much as we can before he leaves where he is.
I will sign off now to make a couple of calls and I will get back to you.
I am very fond of the saying "the proof of the pudding is in the eating." It has been 3 and a half years that my son has been out of my home (mainly.)
He is not learning how to handle essential, fundamental important areas of independent living and functioning. He both seeks and needs to live near to or with somebody who cares about him, in order to take care of himself. He knows this. I have been slow to accept it. Partly from hope. Also because the only person who will consistently care about him is me.
And I feel when he is here in the house that my life is slowly being beaten out of me and taken from me.
I am not saying I am ready to accept him back home, but I have progressed in my thinking to the point of knowing that I must act.
That may help me calm down. Accepting my son as he is, not how I want him to be, is key here. I think that has been a large part of my
desperation that he do this or that or something. I kept wanting him to hurry up and take care of himself. More and more desperately.
And he cannot, at least not without my help. I have to accept this. And I will. I am.
I have the opportunity now to accept that he cannot do it all by himself, and replace the outrage and desperation that he was
choosing to not do what he needed to, what I needed him to do, with acceptance that he cannot. Not now, at least.
Thank you.
