I had high hopes...

[Jabberwockey]

He has nothing what are they gonna collect?

No, they can't get blood out of a turnip. What they can do is keep tacking on interest to what is currently a relatively small loan and eventually it will be a monster. That monster will not only screw up his credit but it will give him that excuse, if he choses, to not bother trying because that debt will ALWAYS be hanging over his head until its dealt with. Student loans, like child support, NEVER go away until you deal with them.

 

[GoingNorth]

The other issue I see is that the Marines, unlike the other three branches, consider every member to be a front-line fighter in times of need, and they are trained accordingly.

The Marines have lightened up on medications as when my husband went to enlist, he initially attempted to enlist in the Marines and was turned down due to having taking desipramine, an antidepressant, as a child, even though he had taken it for sleep-walking, not depression.

The executive function is going to be a serious issue as once taught something, a military member is expected to remember it. Her tendency to "blow things off" is not going to fly at all. She won't be repeatedly reminded to do things expected of her. She will be told once and expected to comply; be it on the spot, or later on.

I wish her luck, but I have my doubts.

 

[BusynMember]

• Maybe a different branch would be a better fit although her executive function issues will still be a problem. I dont mean this as snarky, but the best way I know to explain it is there are no IEPs in the military. You are told. You do it. My husband was in for ten years. He is not school oriented or brilliant, but he is sharp, can think fast on his feet, has an excellent memory and is a self starter and very patriotic, which motivated his enlistment at 17. You also need to be mentally fit enough to fight, kill and see dead people. My husband was an airplane mechanic. He did not fight, although he gladly would have, but he was near action, saw and heard a lot and lost half his hearing. You can not refuse to fight.

The military does not try to make adults out of kids who arent there yet. You either grow up very fast, are already mature or you are a liability. This is why, in a smaller way, military schools dont tolerate behavior problems...they will tell the parent that tjeir child is not working out there. Straightening out your kid is not their function.

I hope, sincerely, that your daughter can do this and shines.

 

[ksm]

I agree with what has been said...I didn't suggest she look into the military, tried to get her to slow down, at least look at the Air Force...etc.

I even sent her a couple videos put out by the Marines that showed examples of boot camp. I don't think she clicked on them.

Now I will just be quiet and let it play out as it may...

Ksm

 

[Lil]

He has nothing what are they gonna collect?

Well, one does have hopes that he will eventually pull his head out of his behind and have a job and a life. Shockingly, starting his life with bad credit and lawsuits and tax offsets, isn't in his best interest.

 

[GoingNorth]

My husband had executive function difficulties. I found out about it after he left the service and was working in the civilian world. He carried tiny notebooks in which he wrote everything he needed to do down.

When the company i worked for came out with the first electronic organizers, I got him one. He couldn't get used to it and continued to use his little notebooks.

When he died, I went through his stuff from the Army days and found dozens upon dozens of tiny notebooks. I tried going through them, but discovered that husband had invented a sort of shorthand, and other than diagrams, his notes were illegible.

This is fine in a non-combat situation, but husband saw combat, and in combat, you have got to be able to draw upon retained training as though it is instinctual, plus be able to think on your feet.

Obviously, husband came home in one piece (barely...he was cremated with a desert camo boonie hat with a bullet hole in the brim)though with the seeds of the illness that killed him.

Thing is, if kid can't think on her feet, she isn't going to make it. And in this day and age, getting "chaptered" is the least of her (and your) worries.

 

[GoingNorth]

I think something else to remember is that husband served as a Peacekeeper several times, and in Desert Storm/Shield.

Other than that, his service was during the Cold War, which made for interesting deployments, but was during a very different time geopolitically.

We are currently active on multiple fronts in the Middle East (no matter what our current admin says), with the possibility of outright, and potentially widespread war on the horizon.

And that lead by an incompetent administration, and a military command that has no guidance from higher up.

It's a scary time to have a loved one in the military.

Also, 45's cronies and congress are pushing to cut benefits to both active duty and veterans in any way they can. Something else to consider down the road. The biggest question? Is the girl a patriot? Not someone who calls people "snowflakes"and "cucks", but someone who loves her country and ALL its people and wants to see all its people enjoy health and freedom and equality?

 

[ksm]

Just when you think things can't get much worse. It does. I told my daughter there is another letter from the court here. She finally told me last night that there was a second speeding ticket the same week. So another fine of $177.

Last night she said she would work on straightening things out today. I will post if she actually does follow through.

She said she also wanted to look for jobs today. She said her dad would help fix the car if she would find a job. I reminded her that she will also need money for insurance before she can drive it. I guess if she finds a job I will help get her there and back until she gets a paycheck for the insurance .

To make matters worse, her younger sister seems to be having more problems. After we went to court in February we had a great month but the last 4 to 6 weeks have not been good. She has passed all her random UAs but I noticed a pattern where she gets Sick and stays home from school on the day she supposed to see her probation officer. Then he reschedules it three or four days later. I just realize that that's The amount of time to get clean from most substances.

Today is the day their mom is in court for her armed robbery I'm hoping a sentence gets handed down so we all know what's happening with her.

Some days it all seems overwhelming..,

Ksm

 

[ksm]

Nope. I called her before heading to pick her up. She has a stomachs ache. I told her I hoped she felt better soon and call me when she wants to work on things.

I should have known...

Ksm

 

[Copabanana]

Hi Ksm

I would consider thinking twice about anything car related. Do you really want to help her drive again if she is speeding? Two speeding tickets back to back. Could there be more? To overlook what is emerging as a pattern may be to overlook the elephant in the living room. I might try to let go of the idea of the Marines. If she is not choosing reasonably well, now, do you want to encourage her to believe that something like the Marines will redeem current mistakes in judgement and follow through?

As far as her sister. I might call the probation officer and alert her/him to the pattern. This seems to be enabling her to continue and even escalate her drug use. Meanwhile I might tell younger daughter that she goes to the probation officer regardless of her health status. You can choose or not to go along with her. Take care.

Things really do not let up for you. I am sorry.

 

[ksm]

Copa...her dad (my son) is offering to fix her car. I only said I would drive her to and from work if she got a job. If he fixes the car, she would probably drive it uninsured.

And I realize that getting in to the Marines is still a long shot. A lot can happen before October.

As to younger daughter. I did call the probation officer (post is in substance abuse forum). I found out that someone at the school overheard her saying she was using all weekend...and they notified him too.

I keep plugging away here...one child lacking in common sense, and one thinking she is so smart she can always break the rules and not get caught.

Ksm

 

[Copabanana]

one child lacking in common sense, and one thinking she is so smart she can always break the rules and not get caught.

ksm. I do not know what I would do. This girl has to be curbed. In a big way. I would almost want to ask for out of home placement. Anything to get her attention. There seems to be a hubris there, an attitude of untouchability. I would want to do almost anything to break through. Or she will keep dancing around the ring like Cassius Clay (dancing like a butterfly....)

Copa...her dad (my son) is offering to fix her car.

ksm. Have you thought of trying to influencing him to do otherwise? Is he aware of the 2 speeding tickets? I did things like your oldest girl and wonder how I survived. But I think my parents were pretty indifferent or at least unaware. The thing is it is pretty amazing that I never hurt anybody (that I know about) but I could have.

 

[pigless in VA]

ksm, offering some extra strength vibes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

[ksm]

Small accomplishments today.

daughter and I went to court house with proof of car insurance. We got a nice clerk. She is turning in the ins so $300 will be taken off. Plus she talked to daughter to apply for diversion...she thought she could get at least one ticket off her record. She got both off! That cost $50. But will probably save her that much a month the next time she gets car insurance.

Didn't get done...

Couldn't get the W2 form info from the website we were given. I guess since we were given the info, her previous employer no longer uses that companies website. I believe that restaurant is in bankruptcy. I do have a number to call IRS about retrieving the form.

The one W2 that she does have, should get her about $300 + back. Which would cover her two fines. So hopefully she can repay me, or, as planned, we will use the money we were going to give her to fly and see other grandparents.

Ksm

 

[pasajes4]

KSM, I hope that you are being kind to yourself. I know that is easier said then done. This is so hard on our health in ways that we cannot even begin to imagine.

 

[ksm]

Good news...the company finally faxed my daughter W2 form. Bad news, it's so fuzzy it's hard to tell a 5, 6 or 8...

I hope the accountant can figure it out...

This morning we are suppose to meet and get it to our accountant. Then back to the court house to finish things there,

On a different note, she wanted to borrow our car to go 50 miles away, where the recruiter is doing some kind of physical fitness testing. I guess there is a group of 6 or 7 recruits, and only one has a car. Not enough room for all. They have to be there about 5 pm. I am taking younger daughter to the same town at 5 for her psychologist appointment. we have a 7 passenger van and I offered to drive any that needed rides.

Luckily, she was on the phone...because then she said..."no one wants to ride with you, or any parent!" I was polite and told her she needs to keep looking for another ride.

After she lost her job, and her car broke down, we had to cancel her car insurance. Last month, we got a letter from our car insurance that their policy had changed, and if you let people drive, who should be on your policy, and they have an accident, the ins. Company may not be liable.

Plus she is an easily distracted driver...I know I am doing the right thing...but I really want to be able to help.

She had a chance to go to boot camp next month, instead of October, but she turned the recruiter down. I know she wants to be more physically fit before boot camp. But, she has no job, her car doesn't work, and to me, it would make since to just go soon.

Ksm

 

[A dad]

On the other hand she in not physically fit and that might really affect her future in the marines. Repeating boot camp time and time again will not help her career.

 

[BusynMember]

I dont know if you can do boot camp more than once. This is our military. You make it or you dont. No IEPs or second chances. It is not for kids who are not able to work hard or keep up. The Marines are our front line fighters.

 

[Jabberwockey]

If she goes and cant keep up physically, they will put her in the Physical Conditioning Platoon. She will stay in that platoon until she either gets caught up physically or its determined that she should be released. Yes, this also pushes back her graduation from Boot Camp because the ENTIRE focus of this platoon is physical conditioning. I speak from personal experience here.

 

[GoingNorth]

Yes, Jabber. They had the easy child platoons when my husband was in the Army (80's -92) as well, but they only let you go through once.

After that you were "chaptered" out.

I also don't remember them doing physical fitness tests before reporting date, either.

I do know that husband, who was a serious runner, found the 2-mile runs during PT to be "insufficient", and had some issues with the calisthenics at first as they were not part of his normal routine other than pushups. (which he did a LOT of as he had a mouth on him.)