I need some encouragement please

[BusynMember]

Anyone human would feel horrible after that night! Nobody wants to see an adult child acting like a bigger, dangerous toddler.
Take care of youurself first and foremost.Change your locks, get a restraining order on her. You have another child to protect and you count too. You do NOT deserve to be abused. Seek out counseling for yourself if you haave to or go to Al-Anon for face time support. Your daughter is talking drug talk. She makes no sense.Don't validate her words.Just keep everyone safe that you can. Your daughter is too old for you to legally protect, but you can protect the rest of you. Be good to yourself. YOU DESERVE IT.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

She needs rehab. Been through all of this with my daughter for many years. My daughter started using young. (She admitted her use to me as well). She would also lie like a rug, steal, be violent, ULTRA paranoid and well every other horrible thing you can imagine. At age 17 we told her she had to go to rehab if she wanted to continue living at home. She chose to leave and live on the streets. I continued to try to help her, to believe her when she said she was clean and to think there was something I could say or do to make her want different. A couple of months after she turned 19 she got pregnant. My husband and I were scared to death. I loved the baby the moment I knew he/she existed but my husband was extremely upset claiming we would end up raising that baby. She ended up getting arrested after a fight with the baby's father. I jumped on that opportunity to get her some help. I called the courts to beg and plead with them to do something to help her. They worked with me and she ended up in jail for the duration of her pregnancy. Luckily Connor was born perfect. She then came home and I thought magically the baby was enough for her to change. Well, it was enough for her to want change but without treatment, she was unsuccessful in staying clean. She went back to jail after testing positive on a drug test and was finally sent to a long term rehab. She is graduating Sunday after being there 11 months!!

Your daughter has only been using a short amount of time. New Leaf is right - she has a great chance if she can get help. She needs to get down to the reason WHY she is using. She needs to get down to what she is trying to escape FROM. Once she works through that she has a real chance of getting out of it! Meth is a nightmare and super addictive - it makes them feel amazing so they continue to search for that high...

My daughter was molested at a very young age. We had no idea. We had a lot of healing to do as a family and we did that through counseling and talking. I cannot even express the great place we are in as a family now. Just this past weekend we simply played Scrabble as a family on Saturday night and it was AWESOME.

Personally I would do all I could to get her into treatment now rather than later...(((HUGS)))

 

[InsaneCdn]

She needs to get down to the reason WHY she is using. She needs to get down to what she is trying to escape FROM

My kids tell me - almost nobody gets into drugs without a reason.

 

[AppleCori]

Hi Rosie,

Welcome to the forums.

What a horrible weekend you have had. I hope you have peace today. Your 12yo deserves it. Your first obligation is to your minor children. Adults come last.

Is your daughter using the car right now?

It would be great if you could get your daughter to go to rehab, but there is no way to force her. She has to get to a place in her life where she is wanting to get off the drugs. Sometimes it takes them hitting rock bottom before that happens. And rock bottom is different for everyone.

Take care of yourself.

Keep posting. It helps.

Apple

 

[sadandfrustrated]

My kids tell me - almost nobody gets into drugs without a reason.

Yes, my non addict son told me that sometimes it's just the pressure of expectations and knowing you're not living up to them. I'm not even talking about expectations put on them by parents, but just seeing their siblings and friends do well and knowing they haven't gotten to that point in their lives yet and may never get to that point can make them feel like a failure.

 

[Dottie]

Dear Rosie..I'm. New to this correspondence. I wish I could give some miracle advice...but I am afraid I really do not have any answers.
I have been dealing with my bi-polar son for 40 years. He was on medications and psychiatric help off and on for the first 20 or so. Now he prefers living on the street....has lost everything he once owned. Let truck be impounded by authorities....spent time in jail for vagrancy(several times). I have rented apartments, rooms,....let him live with his Father and I numerous times until we could not tolerate his behavior messiness or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) of hoarding stuff!
His Father has passed away . I sold my home and I have moved to a 55 +to be near another son and family. Have not had contact with him for several months. At this I me of year it is so hard not being able to contact him .....but WHAT can you DO? Seems like he has it Rock bottom .....to no avai!!
I feel I'm too old to keep dealing with this!

 

[AppleCori]

Hi Dottie,

Welcome to the forums!

There is nothing we can do for our addicted adults, unfortunately, unless they want to help themselves. Sometimes rock bottom isn't even enough.

I am glad that you have found us.

Please stay with us. hare your story or respond to others. We could use your help.

Apple

 

[lovemyson1]

Rosie I'm so sorry for all the devastation your daughter has brought you and your family. Unfortunately, drugs will cause this. You've had great advice here and speaking from experience, the sooner you detach yourself the sooner you will have some peace. Although you will worry about her well being, she needs to leave your home. She needs to take a hard look at herself and what drugs have done to her. Give her the support of getting help but tell her she can't live in your home like this. It has to be her decision to walk away from this lifestyle. ((Hugs))

 

[New Leaf]

Hi Rosie,
I am very sorry for all of this. It is terrible. Your daughter has shown full force the picture of what she relayed to you of her fears of what she had become.

Tonight things have gotten worse. Our daughter has been dreadfully argument, screaming, running around thinking the house might be bugged. Distressed our 12 year old son by screaming that she was going to kill herself. I had to tell him the truth about her drug use.

It is hard Rosie, to see our d cs like this, harder still, for their younger siblings.
I took my son to counseling, so that he could express himself. It was helpful for him.
I went also, because I realized this was much more than I could handle. I needed to know exactly what I was dealing with. Counseling helped me.

I decided to be honest with her grandparents, they were devastated.

It is hard to see our parents know this of their grandchildren. Having it out in the open is a good thing, you can rally your family to support you.

she came home smashed the front door, screamed, hurled abuse, blamed us for everything, hates her step dad who has been fantastic to her all her life. She was screaming that she was clean and had not been using anything blah blah blah.

Of course you know by her actions, that this is not true. It helps to learn about meth, and what happens to people who use it. I have not experienced to this extent, what you are writing of. I do see the tell tale signs in my daughter. We have several meth addicts in our neighborhood. Most folks here in Hawaii, where the use started, can tell you they have family members who are hooked.
I am so sorry for this happening to your daughter.
The folks who posted are correct, she is a danger in your home.
You have a son, who needs to be protected and nurtured.

My husband called the police. She got even more hysterical......Went to attack me.

I would take steps and get a restraining order. People on meth, especially those who exhibit this extreme behavior, are unpredictable and violent, as you have seen.

She has run off, claiming that the abusive, violent ex boyfriend is picking her up if she retracts her statement to the police.

There is not much you can do, if this is her choice. I am sorry to write this. This is where we are with our daughter. We tried to help her, but her actions in our home were unacceptable. It is as if we are not her family anymore, her family are her meth using friends, and even boyfriends who mistreat her. Meth makes some people psychotic and violent.

Sooooooo why do I feel so devastated?

You are devastated Rosie, because this is your daughter. Someone you love deeply. It is a big hole in our hearts, when the reality hits.
Learn all you can about meth, to strengthen your resolve.
If she is at the point where she refuses to go to rehab, there is nothing you can do. I am sorry to write this, but it is true.
I hope she will rethink this.

Please take steps to protect yourself and your home.
Please get help for your son, who must be in shock after seeing his sister in such a state. It is very hard for them.
My son is still reeling from the things he has witnessed.

I pray for you and yours Rosie. Take care of yourself. Keep posting and sharing, there is much to learn here from others and they have much to learn from your story.

Most important, it is good to know you are not alone with this.

(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[GoingNorth]

Rosie, she's in the grips of stimulant psychosis. This,sadly, isn't uncommon in heavy meth (ice) users.

Unfortunately, because she is a legal adult, there is nothing you can do to force her into treatment, and treatment for the psychosis is what she needs, especially as in some cases it can become permanent.

The best thing you can do at this point is to call the police each and every time she shows up and acts out. Swear out a restraining order on her.

ANYTHING you can do to get her picked up by the police. Right now, her only avenue of treatment is through the courts, and its somewhat doubtful if she'll get treatment there.

The good thing is that meth actually isn't that physically addictive. It is, however, horribly mentally addictive, both because it provides and incredible rush and high, and because the come-down from it is awful: horrible anxiety, depression, exhaustion, etc.

She will need assitance in breaking the mental addiction, medication for the psychosis, and medical and therapeutic treatment for the other MH and emotional issues.

You CANNOT continue your relationship with her on the level it is currently at. It isn't helping her, and it will destroy you and the rest of your family.

 

[Kathy813]

I agree with GN. You need to get a temporary restraining order against your daughter. At this point, all you can do is protect your family and yourself and hope your daughter reaches the point where she is willing to go to rehab.

I would do some research on rehab facilities and have some options ready if she gets to the point where she is willing to get help.

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

{{{hugs}}}

~Kathy

 

[Nancy]

GN gave you good advice. Remember it is the drugs talking. I'm sorry you are facing this.

 

[Rosie67]

I would like to thank everyone for the advice and encouragement. Everything written has occurred. We have had to take away the car which was the impetus for a full blown tantrum resulting in us having to call the police. The ambulance arrived, took her to hospital however she declined any sort of help as she believes she does not have a problem. The police took out a DVO against her. This occurred two days before Christmas. I don know where she is staying currently. I hear she has written a rambling ice fuelled post on Facebook which has prompted many of her friends to talk her to clean herself up etc. This has really distressed the entire family. I also believe she has now lost her job. So much more to say but the story is pretty much similar to the experiences that you all,have had. My only real fear now is how low will she go, will she survive this and when can I exhale as I feel like I am losing my breath terrified of what will be next. Can anyone suggest any strategies to deal with this or websites which offers help? I feel embarrassed that my life has become so exposed to so many and I just I could run away.

 

[BusynMember]

I would like to thank everyone for the advice and encouragement. Everything written has occurred. We have had to take away the car which was the impetus for a full blown tantrum resulting in us having to call the police. The ambulance arrived, took her to hospital however she declined any sort of help as she believes she does not have a problem. The police took out a DVO against her. This occurred two days before Christmas. I don know where she is staying currently. I hear she has written a rambling ice fuelled post on Facebook which has prompted many of her friends to talk her to clean herself up etc. This has really distressed the entire family. I also believe she has now lost her job. So much more to say but the story is pretty much similar to the experiences that you all,have had. My only real fear now is how low will she go, will she survive this and when can I exhale as I feel like I am losing my breath terrified of what will be next. Can anyone suggest any strategies to deal with this or websites which offers help? I feel embarrassed that my life has become so exposed to so many and I just I could run away.

I can give suggestions on things you can do to help yourself. You can go to Al-Anon and get face time advice, help, and compassion. You can go to a private therapist who can help you be good to yourself while your daughter self-destructs because YOU matter just as much as she does.

But you can't change your daughter or anybody but yourself. Your daughter will not change until she wants to change. There are no magic words or special places she can do to force it. People can use in rehabs if they want. It's against the rules and they will get thrown out, but you can't keep somebody from doing what they want to do. You can only go on with your life, hang around with your loved ones who are functional and can appreciate your kind heart and help you stay grounded and do the things you love to do. Worrying about your daughter will not help her one bit and may make you very sick, and that's not good for either of you.

Be very nice to a very nice person...yourself. Be gentle and kind to you. Your daughter's activities are not about YOU, they are about her. Try not to be bothered by what she writes on FB and who sees it. If you like, you can choose to say to anyone who asks, "I am choosing not to talk about it." And if they still talk about it, repeat it until they stop. Or walk away saying, "I need some alone time now." This will shut down extra gossip and stop others from criticizing you. You don't need to hear them.

My daughter quit. It can happen. But it has to come from her.

Hugs and good vibes floating in your direction.

 

[New Leaf]

I would like to thank everyone for the advice and encouragement. Everything written has occurred. We have had to take away the car which was the impetus for a full blown tantrum resulting in us having to call the police. The ambulance arrived, took her to hospital however she declined any sort of help as she believes she does not have a problem. The police took out a DVO against her.

I am sorry Rosie. This is very hard. My Rain is on meth, too, although she denies it. No psychosis, that I have seen, but she is not living with us, so I do not see her often.

I don know where she is staying currently. I hear she has written a rambling ice fuelled post on Facebook which has prompted many of her friends to talk her to clean herself up etc.

I "unfriended" my two. It was too painful to see their posts. I do not need that in my face all the time.....I know how it feels to not know where your child is. It is difficult. Admittedly, for us, much better and safer than having her at home. She has no boundaries, lies, steals, and brings drug characters around our home. Fellow meth users are her "family" for the time being, we are an "opportunity."

This has really distressed the entire family. I also believe she has now lost her job. So much more to say but the story is pretty much similar to the experiences that you all,have had. My only real fear now is how low will she go, will she survive this and when can I exhale as I feel like I am losing my breath terrified of what will be next.

First off, what SWOT wrote to you is true. Our girls are adults, will choose their paths and it has nothing to do with us. The drama, fear, darkness affects you, more than it does her. You need to find a way to separate your intense emotional feelings, and live your life. This is not easy, it takes time, and work , and it takes YOU, to learn how to value yourself. I know, Rosie, slip sliding into a deep hole, that is what this feels like. I am working day by day to climb up out of it myself.
Looking at my 14 year old son, helps keep me more grounded and sane. You have your 12 year old boy.
I ended up going to counseling, and getting help for my boy. I figured if I was devastated, so was he. It was a good way for him to safely get his feelings out. You may want to look into that, especially since your son witnessed his sisters bizarre behavior.
Ala non, nar anon, all good 12 step programs that help with meetings and coping skills.
Reading the detachment article in the PE forum. Looking at websites about meth.
For me, reading and posting here has helped tremendously......
Rosie, you do not need to feel embarrassed or shamed. This is not on you, it is a choice your daughter made. Nice kids, make bad choices. Meth is a very insidious drug.....
Please take very good care of yourself. Know that you are not alone. Meth use and abuse is rampant. My therapist told me it has hit hard in all areas in our society, doctors, lawyers, judges, housewives, rich people, middle class, poor, all ages.
This is not your shame to bear.
Reality has hit you very hard. I remember that feeling as it sunk in deep that my daughter was using. It is a bitterness to swallow.
So, time to step into action for you, your husband and your son. Hold onto them tightly. If you believe in God, whatever your higher power, pray.
Keep posting and sharing, this is a safe place, no judgement, just understanding and advice from folks who have been in similar situations.
Extra big hugs to you, dear. Take very good care of yourself, be tender and kind to you.
You are not alone, we are here with you.
(((Hugs)))
leafy