TwinkleToes
New Member
First of all let me begin by saying my heart breaks for all of you. I know the pain, fear, anger, loneliness, embarrassment, disbelief, denial and disgust I experience is too much to bare by myself. I’d imagine those same feelings, along with a need for answers, has landed most of us here. I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy. I’m lifted by the support and encouragement you lend to each other. I can tell it’s a safe place because sometimes there is a difference of opinion on advice given and it’s so respectfully given and received. Bravo to you all. I feel very alone because I’m too embarrassed to share everything with my family and friends. I hold out hope my daughter will turn it around and I don’t want others to think badly of her. It’s a process. As I come to grips with reality, it’s easier to be forthcoming. This is going to be long so apologies in advance.
My daughter is a beautiful person, both inside and outside. Or at least she was. She is a prolific writer born with wisdom way beyond her years. She been told by numerous people she should be writing books. I’ve always said she was born 100 years old. She has had more pain in her thirty years than I’ve had in my lifetime due to the loss of her son, my precious grandson, almost three years ago. He died of SIDS in my home at 3 months old. He was perfect and healthy and thriving. I thanked God everyday I was home when she found him. (He’s was napping like a peaceful angel) to grab her by the shoulders and look into her eyes and tell her “You will survive this”. Now I can see that was my own fear in talking because the thought of loosing them both was incomprehensible. I cannot even begin to describe the trauma T’s death caused me, so imagining how my daughter got through it is unimaginable. I know we will always suffer his loss and never heal completely. We honor him and talk about him a lot.
T was a good student and never gave me any trouble until college. She dropped out 8 credits shy of a degree. I mention that because a pattern has developed where she self sabotages. She has abandonment issues and picks these loser guys who won’t leave her. She and her husband have lived with family their entire 5 year marriage. I lasted 4 months early on and said never again. After the funeral they moved as originally planned. She got pregnant a month later. They were not in a position to have a baby either time, but the pain was so unbearable I’m sure that wasn’t a factor. I do not judge. I was appalled when I went to visit and saw how her husband contributed next to nothing and their sense of entitlement had gotten worse. Her father and stepmother couldn’t have been more generous. sister in law got back in school and I thought maybe they would be okay. They lasted two years in CT and came home a year ago. Part of me missed my daughter terribly and I wanted to bond so badly with my grandson, so I was happy. Another part of me dreaded all the drama and chaos that surrounds them. After their move back I could see it had gotten worse. Much worse. It was on calamity after another. They are both on Adderall now and I know they were buying Vicodin around Christmastime. They lived with my sister in law’s parents and didn’t save a dime. My daughter called her grandfather in April begging for help because she was getting a divorce. My 79 year old father drove 5 hours to bring her a car he’d bought and co-signed on an apartment for her. He told her if she goes back to the “bum” he’s taking the car. He took the car. She has lied to us about being back with him several times now. I feel duped and used. After my dad took her car, I loaned her one I had with the agreement she not go back to him. She told all kinds of things about him to make me hate him. They are both at fault and both behaved badly. Anyway, I truly believed it was over. I got her a phone, Internet, bought $1,000 of food hauled her laundry back and forth and tried my best to support her. She had a third job interview and things were looking up. She reneged on our agreement so I took the car. It gave her a perfect excuse not to accept the offer. My anger would go from 0-100, in seconds, when something would trigger me. I was loosing it. I stopped by unannounced and her husband was standing there with no shirt on playing games on my TV and my internet. She kicked me out. She forbid me from seeing my grandson. She had lost her phone the previous two days before and I stopped by to check on them. I cancelled that, the internet and took my car key. She had taken stuff I had given her to the pawn shop to pay her rent. We had an agreement that I would buy the stuff back with my next paycheck. I did purposefully did it that way so that it required effort on her part to get the money. She has refused to give me the name of the pawn shop so I can get my jewelry back. I’m sure she lied about the amount they gave her. She lies all the time. My grandson’s 2nd birthday was 3 weeks ago and his presents sit in my dining room unopened. She goes through phones like toilet paper. It’s an excuse not to communicate. I need the gateway back to return to the cable company and she ignores the email and hand delivered letter left for her. She could care less I’m still having to pay. She has many items that belong to me that I want back. She doesn’t take care of her stuff and I’d be foolish to think she’d care for mine. I was trying to give my grandson a TV to watch and computer to stream Puppy Dog Pals on. I don’t trust them now. I worry that the baby has what he needs. When I was buying everything I didn’t have that burden. She has been a good mother, albeit the chaos isn’t healthy for him. Now I worry about him having food and diapers. She has taken pain medication from me that she knows I need for a back condition. I knew she was far worse than I’d imagined when she knew I didn’t have enough to make it until my next appointment. She lied to me and said she had it covered. I’m having back surgery in two weeks if that’s any indicator of my inability to function with the degree of pain I experience. She ignored my attempts to get the pawn shop receipt, my belongings and put me into harms way with my medications. She denied her son the best birthday he could have had. What scares me is my daughter won’t ask for money. She will suck you dry if you don’t stop yourself. Agreements don’t mean anything. She left me a message 2 weeks ago offering help but my surgery was postponed due to a biopsy. If I had taken her up on her offer, she would have some last minute excuse. She called me the week before that and asked if I’d meet her for coffee to talk. She cancelled last minute. I still need the pawn shop receipt (but it’s probably too late now) my gateway and belongings and she hasn’t responded to my hand delivered letter ten days ago. Now what? Thank you all for listening and I’d appreciate any feedback or suggestions. May you all find some peace today and Bless you all.
P.S. Sorry for the redundancy and ramblings. This is my first post.
My daughter is a beautiful person, both inside and outside. Or at least she was. She is a prolific writer born with wisdom way beyond her years. She been told by numerous people she should be writing books. I’ve always said she was born 100 years old. She has had more pain in her thirty years than I’ve had in my lifetime due to the loss of her son, my precious grandson, almost three years ago. He died of SIDS in my home at 3 months old. He was perfect and healthy and thriving. I thanked God everyday I was home when she found him. (He’s was napping like a peaceful angel) to grab her by the shoulders and look into her eyes and tell her “You will survive this”. Now I can see that was my own fear in talking because the thought of loosing them both was incomprehensible. I cannot even begin to describe the trauma T’s death caused me, so imagining how my daughter got through it is unimaginable. I know we will always suffer his loss and never heal completely. We honor him and talk about him a lot.
T was a good student and never gave me any trouble until college. She dropped out 8 credits shy of a degree. I mention that because a pattern has developed where she self sabotages. She has abandonment issues and picks these loser guys who won’t leave her. She and her husband have lived with family their entire 5 year marriage. I lasted 4 months early on and said never again. After the funeral they moved as originally planned. She got pregnant a month later. They were not in a position to have a baby either time, but the pain was so unbearable I’m sure that wasn’t a factor. I do not judge. I was appalled when I went to visit and saw how her husband contributed next to nothing and their sense of entitlement had gotten worse. Her father and stepmother couldn’t have been more generous. sister in law got back in school and I thought maybe they would be okay. They lasted two years in CT and came home a year ago. Part of me missed my daughter terribly and I wanted to bond so badly with my grandson, so I was happy. Another part of me dreaded all the drama and chaos that surrounds them. After their move back I could see it had gotten worse. Much worse. It was on calamity after another. They are both on Adderall now and I know they were buying Vicodin around Christmastime. They lived with my sister in law’s parents and didn’t save a dime. My daughter called her grandfather in April begging for help because she was getting a divorce. My 79 year old father drove 5 hours to bring her a car he’d bought and co-signed on an apartment for her. He told her if she goes back to the “bum” he’s taking the car. He took the car. She has lied to us about being back with him several times now. I feel duped and used. After my dad took her car, I loaned her one I had with the agreement she not go back to him. She told all kinds of things about him to make me hate him. They are both at fault and both behaved badly. Anyway, I truly believed it was over. I got her a phone, Internet, bought $1,000 of food hauled her laundry back and forth and tried my best to support her. She had a third job interview and things were looking up. She reneged on our agreement so I took the car. It gave her a perfect excuse not to accept the offer. My anger would go from 0-100, in seconds, when something would trigger me. I was loosing it. I stopped by unannounced and her husband was standing there with no shirt on playing games on my TV and my internet. She kicked me out. She forbid me from seeing my grandson. She had lost her phone the previous two days before and I stopped by to check on them. I cancelled that, the internet and took my car key. She had taken stuff I had given her to the pawn shop to pay her rent. We had an agreement that I would buy the stuff back with my next paycheck. I did purposefully did it that way so that it required effort on her part to get the money. She has refused to give me the name of the pawn shop so I can get my jewelry back. I’m sure she lied about the amount they gave her. She lies all the time. My grandson’s 2nd birthday was 3 weeks ago and his presents sit in my dining room unopened. She goes through phones like toilet paper. It’s an excuse not to communicate. I need the gateway back to return to the cable company and she ignores the email and hand delivered letter left for her. She could care less I’m still having to pay. She has many items that belong to me that I want back. She doesn’t take care of her stuff and I’d be foolish to think she’d care for mine. I was trying to give my grandson a TV to watch and computer to stream Puppy Dog Pals on. I don’t trust them now. I worry that the baby has what he needs. When I was buying everything I didn’t have that burden. She has been a good mother, albeit the chaos isn’t healthy for him. Now I worry about him having food and diapers. She has taken pain medication from me that she knows I need for a back condition. I knew she was far worse than I’d imagined when she knew I didn’t have enough to make it until my next appointment. She lied to me and said she had it covered. I’m having back surgery in two weeks if that’s any indicator of my inability to function with the degree of pain I experience. She ignored my attempts to get the pawn shop receipt, my belongings and put me into harms way with my medications. She denied her son the best birthday he could have had. What scares me is my daughter won’t ask for money. She will suck you dry if you don’t stop yourself. Agreements don’t mean anything. She left me a message 2 weeks ago offering help but my surgery was postponed due to a biopsy. If I had taken her up on her offer, she would have some last minute excuse. She called me the week before that and asked if I’d meet her for coffee to talk. She cancelled last minute. I still need the pawn shop receipt (but it’s probably too late now) my gateway and belongings and she hasn’t responded to my hand delivered letter ten days ago. Now what? Thank you all for listening and I’d appreciate any feedback or suggestions. May you all find some peace today and Bless you all.
P.S. Sorry for the redundancy and ramblings. This is my first post.
