Thank you Elizabrary!Hi Twinkle- I'm sorry you had to find us, but I'm glad you did. I had several similar situations with my daughter (she is in a much better place now, but tomorrow could be different, I know). She had a baby at 19 with her abusive boyfriend and did all kinds of lying and manipulating to get money, saying she was no longer with him. It was a nightmare and I got so angry over all of it. She did eventually leave him, but for the next several years it was chaos. I had to learn to set and maintain boundaries and to focus on my own health and well-being. I know it's extremely difficult when there are children in the picture. If you think your daughter and her husband are using drugs and/or alcohol I strongly urge you to contact Child Protective Services. I did maybe 5 times with my daughter because I was so worried about my granddaughter, especially when she was little and couldn't tell me what was going on. It takes a lot for children to actually be removed from the home, but just calling does a couple of things: 1) it gets a file open so your daughter and grandson are being tracked as far as behavior and safety 2) it provides a safety net for your grandson, making sure there is food and decent living conditions and 3) it will likely scare your daughter so she might straighten up, at least for a bit. That's how it worked with my daughter. She would get scared and straighten up for awhile.
I have taken a different path as far as sharing information about my daughter. At first I felt like you and didn't want anyone to know. But as I started working on myself and setting boundaries I started realizing her choices are a reflection of her, not me. If she's doing these things she must not be ashamed, so I will tell people who ask. She hated it when I would tell people what was really going on with her. When she asked why I told someone that I would say, "You did it, so you must be OK with it." She really didn't have an answer to that. It has been a very long road. I will say once I learned to set and maintain boundaries with her our relationship improved. Again, I know it's very difficult when there are children involved. Sending peace to you.
I’m so happy to hear your daughter is in a better place now. “You did it so must be okay”. I LOVE that response. I’ve been giving the CPS question a lot of thought. In order for me to learn from you all I have to be honest. Honest with you and myself. A part of me feels if I do that Erin will never speak to me again. If I had witnessed her being neglectful or abusive in any way it would be an easy call to make. What I have seen is an almost empty refrigerator. I’ve seen the separation anxiety my grandson has which I believe to be problematic. Erin has even agreed. Bum’s parents are still in the picture, but don’t have any extra income. I know they would help in a pinch. Are they doing drugs? Yes, but they are prescribed by a doctor. Are they doing additional illegal drugs? I’m not sure. I’ve lost one grandson through no fault of anyone. There is no way I would ever allow my darling to be put in harms way. I honestly don’t know what’s going on since I’m not in the picture, so, therefore, I don’t know what to do about CPS. Again, I’m so happy to hear things have improved for you. I need hope and you’ve helped me. Thank you, Elizabrary