I threw him out.

[lovemyson1]

My heart hurts for you! However this is extremely common. These kids will steal at any cost to get their fix. You did the right thing, he needs to leave and figure things out on his own. My prayer is that he comes to his senses sooner rather than later and gets treatment. Drugs rob us of our children, they are no longer our child, they are chained to their addiction and lost and not themselves. Big Hugs!

 

[La Mesa Mom]

I have lost and paid for "the ring" a million times over. Not much left either, but when I didn't care about anything but making him better, I let it go. Why? I didn't care about me. We have to care for us to get through this behavior from our CD's. I feel your pain and pray you and your family are able to do something to take care of each other. I know how our emotions take over but continue the hope. You must take care of you first. Good luck, prayers and HUGS!

 

[Toughlovemom]

For 10 years I would give her one more opportunity to turn her life around. One more chance. A week ago I saw it is worse than I ever could have imagined. I do believe my daughter is past recovery. In the back of my mind I am fearful that is she gets anymore desperate what she would do to me. She knows my schedule. Hope she never crosses that line.
I feel your pain.

 

[sadandfrustrated]

In the back of my mind I am fearful that is she gets anymore desperate what she would do to me.

That's how I feel too. I know a couple of times when he lived here he'd make jokes about asking if we had insurance, or who'd get the house when we 'croaked'. So, he's put that thought in my mind.
The first time we threw him out was because he came after me and the look on his face scared me to death. I found out later that he was going through withdrawal and was mad that I was annoying him to wake up. But the look in his eyes scared me and I've never forgotten that. As much as I love my son and hope and pray he get's clean, I don't trust him. I know him. I'm sure he's blaming me for throwing him out. We took our car back and fired him from working for us, so he's got nothing and I'm sure he blames us. I don't think he's quite grasped the idea that when you steal from people, they lose trust in you and don't want you around.

 

[Kathy813]

Do you have a security system? I think it would be a good idea.

~Kathy

 

[sadandfrustrated]

I saw a photo of my son on Facebook taken a couple of days ago. Its a picture of his friend in the passenger seat of my sons car taking a selfie of himself - and my son is behind the wheel with a whipits can in his lap.

SeaGenie, do you pay the insurance for his car? Is the registration in your name? I'm concerned that if he had an accident, you would be the one to get sued..
hugs, L

 

[Toughlovemom]

SeaGenie, do you pay the insurance for his car? Is the registration in your name? I'm concerned that if he had an accident, you would be the one to get sued..
hugs, L

Yes to all of the above on my part. I am scared of that. Have to make provisions. Asap. Do I just sign it over or take the loses and run?

 

[Tired and Hopeful]

I think you have to do something, toughlovemom, to get yourself out of the legal responsibilites of that car. Our daughter wrecked many and thank heavens never hurt anybody, until we decided that had to stop. Took the last car away and removed ourselves of that liability. It was just too big a risk to take............................And big hugs to you. We have almost all been where you are.

 

[sadandfrustrated]

Yes to all of the above on my part. I am scared of that. Have to make provisions. Asap. Do I just sign it over or take the loses and run?

Whether you sign it over to her, or take it back.. You can't let her drive it anymore while you are still legally responsible for any damages . She's a lawsuit waiting to happen. You either have to take the car and keys away and keep it for yourself, or take it off the road by bringing the license plates back to the DMV and then cancelling the insurance on it. You'd probably have to keep in your driveway so you don't get a ticket for not having plates on it though.

Have you checked to see if there are any unpaid tickets on it? I check for unpaid tickets online for our car and found out my son had racked up almost two hundred dollars in unpaid tickets.


My son was in a minor accident and we got sued for a million dollars. Our lawyer said that's what they always sue for but that didn't mean they'd get that much. But to have someone knock on your door, hand you a piece of paper and tell you 'you've been served' and that they're suing for that much money is frightening. We had to wait through 2 years of anxiety and worry until they finally settled the case. I was afraid we'd lose the house. They finally settled out of court for 5 thousand dollars which the insurance covered.

 

[La Mesa Mom]

We also signed the car over to him and put him on a separate policy, although we did not release the keys to him while he was here. That after he had stolen my Daughters car. He left without his car this time but still afraid for him without it and likely on the streets.

You must protect yourself. Hugs your way tonight.

 

[My name is Mud]

I am sick and sad as I read these. I cry for you, my partners in this awful and dreadfully long play. I so wish the play would be over and that it would have an ending like the movies on the Hallmark Channel. It's just not that easy.

 

[AppleCori]

Hi S&F,

How are you doing?

 

[sadandfrustrated]

Thanks for asking. I"m okay. I threw out the rest of everything he didn't take with him today. Everything. I just don't want any reminders of him anymore. How bad is that? I probably won't the get mother of the year award, that's for sure. He's stolen so much from us, but when he stole my grandmothers/mothers ring.. that was it for me. My son is 2 people. There's the one I raised whom I miss dearly, and then there's this fake impostor that looks like him but lies, manipulates and steals. I hate that one. and hate is such a strong word, but I do, and I'm angry at myself for buying into his lies and believing him. I'm angry at myself for assuming my ring was safe in a locked safe hidden in the back of my closet.
I don't know. Maybe I'm not doing as okay as I thought. I texted him a few times begging him to tell me where my ring went so I can get it back, but he keeps ignoring my texts. I'm seriously considering shutting his phone off and since it's on our plan, I can do that. Why am I making it easy for him to contact his drug dealers? I originally told him I'd let him keep the phone in case he ever decided to go to rehab and wanted help, but I don't feel like owe him anything at this point.

 

[SadFlower]

You should be proud of yourself. I can't imagine how difficult this must have been for you. I'm not i your situation, but I can relate to that feeling of not liking the person your child becomes when they get involved with this mess. My daughter has been so nasty and hurtful and difficult since it all started. She did things I've never thought she's do - lying, sneaking out, etc.
One thing people keep telling me is... we can't force addicts to quit, even when they are our children. And that's not because there's something wrong with us, it's because we are not that powerful. That's just the way it is. You did what you could for him, and now you're doing what you can to protect yourself. Take care *hugs*

 

[AppleCori]

Good for you, S&F,

You are sending your son a strong message that he can no longer take advantage of you and your generosity. Allowing him to walk all over you didn't help him to get any better.

You don't owe him free phone service. If you think he is using it to facilitate getting drugs, you might be doing a good thing by cutting his service. Many have done this. It is up to you.

I'm glad things in your household have improved and you are able to have joy now.

Keep posting, let us know how things are going.

Apple

 

[Nancy]

Nancy, I know you're dealing with your own grief at this time. I appreciate you taking the time to support me through this. How are you holding up?

I just saw this saf and you brightened my day. Thank you for asking. I am doing OK. I miss dad, we had him for so many years and I still see him in my mind all the time. He was one of those you never expect to die. As thanksgiving approaches I remember so well the last time he was at our house, last thanksgiving. We had him over every year and he sat at the head of the table. He didn't like to leave his home much in the last few years but he did come over last year. We had a nice time with all of us together.

Your story is so much like mine was. When our daughter was on drinking and smoking pot and still living in our home, so many things disappeared. We ended up having to lock everything up and I took my purse to bed with me every night. I remember the hurt I felt when I found the jar of change taken from her dad's dresser and hid it in her closet. Did she think we wouldn't miss the change jar?

She said such awful hurtful things to us when we finally asked her to leave. I hated seeing her facebook but couldn't stop looking. I texted her and would lose my mind with her responses. It was so unhealthy. I kept hoping something I said would shake her into realizing what she was doing. When I cleaned out her room and got rid of all the stuff that reminded me of that side of her I felt a relief. I boxed up the things that were good memories and hoped someday she would want them. I was sad and relieved all at the same time. For quite a while I could not go anywhere that I use to go with her, without crying. I had to return something I bought her that I decided not to give her for Christmas and I couldn't walk into the store, had to call my other daughter to come down and return it for me. My grief and anger was so close to the surface it hurt.

I am thinking of you during your journey.

 

[sadandfrustrated]

My son stopped by last night and I was shocked at the change in him. He was clean, well dressed with clean ironed clothes. I mentioned the ironed clothes he was wearing and he told me he drops them off at the laundromat and they wash and fold them so they look like they're ironed.. When he was using he would have never paid to have his laundry done. He would have spent that money elsewhere.
When he was using he rarely even changed them or took a shower.


Last night he didn't have that sweaty gray tinge to his face that used to be a dead giveaway that he was still using either. He actually looked healthy and sober and spoke normally. He say's he's off drugs and he's got a job, and he's saving up to buy a car.

Do I dare hope?

 

[Nancy]

YES!!!!! You just made my day. Honestly the transformation in them inside and out when they are clean is remarkable. And yes you can hope. After all hope is what keeps us going. Miracles happen every day in the addiction world. I am so very happy to read your comment, it gives us all hope.

Please keep us posted. I hope you can sleep easier these days.

 

[BusynMember]

Absolutely cautiously hope. Remember, he could also be dressing and clean to manipulate a place bck home and lying to you. Idon't want to rain on your parade but my daughter "quit" too...many times and we bought it until she snuck out of the house at night and stole money, etc. Be very cautious. Has he dropped his drug friends? This would be a VERY good sign. That's what my daughter did when she quit. She was very lonely, but not willing to make friends with druggies in the city where she quit. She worked every day, even though she had no car.

Celebrate each day your child shows improvement, but do be leery or you could end up fooled like us. We left my daughter home alone, thinking she was clean, while we went on a two day vacation with our younger kids.She was to walk the dogs and feed them and not have friends in our house and she promised in a very believable way. Our younger kids got bored so we showed up a day early and surprise!!!! Daughter was throwing a big pill party.

So much for being clean.

I just want you to be safe. Also, is he working? Where is the money coming from?

Be happy yet smart and logical. One good day doesn't mean he is better, yet it could so see if it lasts. When he is truly changed, it will be obvious. My daughter was like a new person, yet we still had fears she'd relapse and did not truly believe she was clean for about a year. We were so used to being manipulated and fooled. We had to protect our hearts.

She did quit. It's been a long time now---eleven years.

Hugs and hoping for a new beginning for both of you.

 

[New Leaf]

Oooh cautiously optimistic......lots of prayers and hoping, hoping.
Let him show you who he is......
(((Hugs)))
leafy