I remember thinking when that happened, "How could the parents of those boys not know. How did they not see the guns and other items." I still felt horrible for everyone involved, even the parents of Dylan and Eric but I just couldn't understand how they didn't know SOMETHING.
Later that year, difficult child was placed with us as a foster child and the following summer we adopted him. In the years since.....I've come to understand. This woman didn't have a difficult child. Yes, he got into some trouble but from what she wrote, he was not a difficult child. As a parent of a difficult child, I know there are things that mine has done that I'm not aware of. Even after I do periodic searches of his room, even after I do my best to keep tabs on him, even after years of counseling....he still does things without mine or husband's knowledge. This woman didn't have a difficult child and had absolutely no clue. Parents of difficult child's may have an inkling of what our kids are capable of or what they do but even with our experiences and knowledge of our kids....we still don't know.
I can't even begin to imagine the emotions, torment and guilt that she and her husband have and are still going through. While I've heard a couple of negative reactions from her writing, most of what I've heard about have been of a positive and forgiving nature and I think that's good. I honestly don't think she had an inkling.
Witz mentioned the fear of seeing our child's school or workplace on tv. I used to work directly across the street from difficult child's high school. It was common for me to periodically look over there for smoke or police. Short of some fights in middle school and early high school, difficult child has never shown a penchance for violence. But yet.....I looked. Rational or correct or not, I have that worry. I don't know why; I don't have a logical reason for it but I have it all the same.
My heart goes out to her and her family.