Oh Jules...
My son actually stopped mid sentence today when telling me something about school and when I finally pulled it out of him he told me he doesn't want to tell me things anymore because his teachers will make things worse for him at school.
Retaliation is one of the hardest things in the world to prove because it's our kids' word versus the so-called adults', but it *does* happen.
Personally, I would request another IEP meeting now, specifically to address 3 things:
- Not all teachers have copies of his IEP.
- The homework issue.
- Your son's perception that when you make waves, the teachers are harder on him.
At the very least, you will be putting the district on notice that you are aware of some very serious procedural issues (the lack of IEP distribution and therefore their failure to follow it) and potential retaliation directed toward your son.
And I want you to *really* work on changing your mindset. You are not getting "anyone in trouble." You are fighting for your son to receive FAPE in LRE and you are currently dealing with a district that is not holding up their end of the bargain, legally. I cannot begin to tell you how quickly the next few years are going to pass - he will be 18 or 21 before you know it, and now is most definitely the time to make sure that he is receiving appropriate education and services.
I called at least a couple IEP meetings where I started them off with the very simple question - basically, is the education and IEP process meant to ensure my kid's appropriate education, or is it a power struggle between them and me? With 1 sped director in particular, it was absolutely the latter. And all you can do, if it is a pi**ing contest, is document meticulously and call them, in writing (certified letter), on every single violation of IEP. It can be exhausting and morally crushing, but remember the goal - to make sure difficult child is given the opportunity to obtain an education.
Utilize the PAVE folks. And I wouldn't hesitate to start cc:ing the state dept of ed. Obviously things may have changed in the 20+ years since I was up there, but the dept of ed was actually a decent resource back then.
Stay strong!! Hugs.