irst court appearance tomorrow

[Despairing Mom]

A female (unknown to me) is trying to get a restraining order on my daughter. (Now I know why the police came to my door wanting to locate her a month ago.) She texted me that "this girl started drama and it was b@#$%@t and she is taking me to court". Nothing is every my daughter's fault. Nothing. She's textbook Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

[Despairing Mom]

Oops...First court appearance

 

[BusynMember]

What is it that tou want to know about specifically? This may help you get answers. I have never dealt with a restraining order but others have.

 

[Despairing Mom]

Thank you. I'm not searching for specific information. I'm just unloading my exasperation. I drove her to her psychiatrist's appointment two weeks ago. She told her doctor she was handling her emotions very well. She can't tell the truth about anything.

 

[Elsi]

I've done a restraining order, and was able to get it without the offending party actually showing up for court.

I am very familiar with the "Not my fault" projections of the borderline personality. S in particular is never at fault for ANYTHING. It is remarkable how many crazy, unreasonable people she seems to encounter in her life, though!

Are you planning to go? I don't go to these things anymore, personally. Or help them get to appearances, remind them about appearances, or really have anything to do with the whole mess. Their mess, their problem. You'll have to decide what approach you want to take with your daughter, but I've felt remarkably freer since adopting this approach with mine. If they miss a court date and wind up in bigger trouble it's a lesson learned (or not, sometimes...but I keep hoping).

 

[Despairing Mom]

husband and I are not going to her court hearing. Since her raging pre-teen days, we have told her that if she got in trouble with law enforcement or sent to jail to not call us to rescue her.

 

[Smithmom]

Restraining order is not a criminal issue. Violating it is. What usually happens is that she files a cross complaint so they each have one against the other. No big deal. If it stops the drama its a good thing.

 

[Despairing Mom]

The old man she with whom she is now living drove her to the court hearing. The person she harassed didn't show up. She must pay a fine, but didn't tell me the amount. She said the amount was less than one paycheck. She never tells the truth, so there's no way to know if this is accurate. I'm relieved that she wasn't arrested and didn't ask me for money to pay her fine.

 

[Elsi]

Well, she made it there, and the fine is not your problem. What did you decide on the SSI side - are you engaging a lawyer? Will she do her part to work through the process?

 

[Despairing Mom]

I contacted a SSI attorney on Monday and the receptionist told me she'd call me back as she keeps her own schedule. She didn't call today. I'm completely burned out with my daughter's horrific behavior. I haven't gone to the SSI site to review what is needed to start the process or even if I can start the process online. God, give me strength! (I have collected all the many addresses of her various physicians/medical records departments which will verify her Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) diagnosis.)

The SSI office in my county is 50 minutes from my home. I cringe when I think about my daughter sitting in the car next to me for almost 2 hours while she is lying and lying and lying. I'll try another SSI attorney tomorrow.

 

[BusynMember]

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is almost a certain SSI. It is organic brain damage and interfers with the ability to learn from mistakes or know right from wrong and memory is very poor. It is irreversible. I doubt you need an attorney if you can prove SSI.

She needs help through no fault of her own. Please get her SSI as soon as you can. She will then get many services. Hopefully a payee will be appointed. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) cant handle money either. You wont be forced to live with her. She may need a home that offers sheltered care. It will be best if she allows herself to be supervised.

I am very sorry.

 

[Despairing Mom]

I read an "Applying for SSI" website. Ugh. I'll reluctantly force myself tomorrow to call and make an appointment at my government office. Our family moved because of my husband's career every 5 years. Because of this, difficult daughter has seen dozens and dozens of neurologists, a geneticist, pediatricians, developmental pediatrician, behavioral health clinics, psychiatrists, school psychologists,and social workers. Will the SSI office collect all her records if I provide the addresses? I don't have the energy to run safer all these medical records.

 

[Despairing Mom]

"don't have the energy to run down all these medical records"

 

[Despairing Mom]

How do I prove she can't keep a job? She has had 7 jobs in the last 2 years.

 

[BusynMember]

The diagnosis should be enough. The records can be mailed. Ours were. She just needs to sign permission.

 

[Despairing Mom]

Thank you for sharing information.

 

[Elsi]

DM, if this goes through, it will open up a lot of new options and relieve a lot of your burden going forward. Think of this as one last thing to push through - a time investment now that will pay off later. Not that I can promise it’s the answer to all your heartache and worry, but it would help with some things at least. I can only imagine how exhausted you are from dealing with all this, and I know getting through the burocracy is a nightmare. If it’s feasible and easier to have a lawyer help with the paperwork side do it. Hang in there! We’re in your corner, for what it’s worth!

 

[BusynMember]

I cant speak for one other person, but it was pretty straight forward for us. We didnt even think to hire an attorney. We never stepped foot in court. We went through Aging and Disabilities (every county has one) and they helped us do everything, get everything. Cost us not a dime. We signed the forms in theiir office. They helped us with each step. It doesnt have to be hard. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is almost always a certain YES the first time. Do NOT apply at Social Security. Dont even talk to them. They can not make the decision although sometimes they dont tell you that BUT they dont. Disability does. Social Security just sends the checks to the people that Disability tells them to. That is ALL.

Good luck!

 

[Smithmom]

Again, the way that SOT's state works is not every state. In the 2 states I've lived with with SSI all SSI went through SSA. Never once stepped foot in a state office.

Just to clarify.. They won't really read reports you provide. They only want names and addresses and they will get what they want. Its an audit thing.... People may fake their own records but a dr is unlikely to do so. Audit theory .always go directly to the source.

And don't worry about exact names and addresses either. Their time saving procedure... While they are talking to you they are in their database. So you say name and town and they say is that 123 main st? You say yes they click the button for that dr and request goes out. So don't get crazy about details.

About jobs... This is the social security admin. If she had a legit job she got a W-2 and they have it. If you can remember a couple of names you're good. And I know this from my kids... Restaurants don't issue checks in name of chain. Its in name of franchise company. So don't worry about that.

Your daughter will have more than enough to qualify. Don't let anyone scare you off.

Sorry missed the post on distance. Heavens no. Don't just get in the car and go! SSA works on appts. And they will do it by phone appointment. I just did my son's SSDI by phone. After phone interview of an hour of so he sent me forms to sign. My son is 23 and was not involved with call. He had to sign papers and I co-signed. Returned papers by mail. Couple weeks later got call from private agency that evaluates functional level to decide if he qualifies or not. That was 1.5 hrs. But all by phone. I gave them names n addresses by phone. Never set foot in any office.

 

[Smithmom]

I did just look at the instructions on ssa.gov for applying for SSI It says you can apply online and then you will hear from them. If you want an appointment either in person in their office or by phone call the 800 number. They will make the appointment. If you want to go there in person you can do that "but be prepared for a long wait". 800 772 1213

Presumably if procedure in your state is to apply through state social services they will tell you that when you call.

Also just a tip.. Ask for local office hours. My local office is closed wed and at 4 other days.