Is anyone awake

[TearyEyed]

Lucy and guide me

He just called. He had some bs excuse about what took so long to get there. When will I ever learn. But this is a great reminder of how blessed I am to have all of you here for support. Don't know how I would make it without this site. I am so grateful for all of you.


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[GuideMe]

Oh thank god! I bet you just breathed a HUGE sigh of relief.

 

[TearyEyed]

You bet! But wow. I want to get off this ride. It's not fun. I'd settle for a plain boring existence compared to this.


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[GuideMe]

Just remember. He is an adult now. Treat him as such. If you still treat him as a kid, even in the smallest form, it will send him mix messages, especially since he is out of the house now. I read as much as I can about your story. I was wondering, what are his plans? Where will he be staying?

 

[TearyEyed]

You are so right. I am trying my best to remember he is an adult. I struggle with the urge to be his mommy. But when I get scared I fall right back into that trap. I am getting better at detaching little by little. And here's the kicker for tonight......are you ready........he couldn't check in to the hotel because he has no id. Ha! I can't tell you how many times he has list his ss card drivers license birth cert etc. jokes on me.


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[TearyEyed]

As far as his plans he has none. He stays homeless by choice because he refuses the help he so desperately needs. I have been to the ends of the earth trying to help him.


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[nlj]

I'm so glad he got in touch with you and everything's fine.

They always have some BS excuse or explanation.

Go and treat yourself to something nice today.

I'm off on the 'school-run' now. At least there's one of mine that's still young enough to keep track of!

 

[TearyEyed]

Lol! Good for youenjoy your day


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[GuideMe]

The easiest way not to fall into the trap is to remember, you hurt them more when you send them mixed messages. It's ok to worry , but don't let him know it, keep it inside.

Anyway, what's going on now? How's he going to stay at the hotel with no id? And it would drive me INSANE if my difficult child kept losing her social. I am in control of it because I am too scared to hand it over to her for that reason alone.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Coming late but glad it's all okay. I know that fearful place you've been in, it comes with our difficult child territory. I'm sorry you had such a hard night. Remember to do something VERY nurturing and kind for yourself NOW.

Keeping you in my thoughts.......

 

[TearyEyed]

He ended up finding a "friend" to stay with. Havent heard from him today. I am exhausted. Didnt get to bed until 2 and up at 5:30 for work. Its hard to have a full time job and deal with a difficult child!
Again, thank you all for being here for me. It really helped to reach out last night and have you calm me down. You are angels!!!!

 

[BusynMember]

Teary-Eyed, when my son was younger and often out and about because he was not allowed to be home, there was no texting so I had to wait for him to call me. Often he didn't. Often he still doesn't. It taught me something about him and most difficult children.

They are very me-centric and do not spend a lot of time thinking, "Mom may be worried." It is more like, "Mom is a witch (you know what I really wanted to type...haha) and she threw me out. I'm not calling her until I'm good and ready." In their differently wired brains often they do not see that we are/were scared of them and that is why they can't live at home...or that they broke the law while in our home. So they teach us a lesson by not communicating with us or doing so erratically.

That's some difficult children. Others just don't think about us at all. I have learned NEVER to ask my son to call me or I worry if he doesn't answer his phone. This is even in the present, with him having a home and being in his mid-30's. I still think he could tick somebody off enough to get into serious trouble. If he happens to do so, I can't do anything about it anyway so I won't set myself up to worry.

I think telling them, "Call whenever you're settled" is better than "Call me when you get there." Do difficult children ever just go home? They tend to live in the streets, maybe do a little drugs, get drunk, or just wander the streets and then finally go to wherever they have found to sleep. My son actually does not do this anymore and my daughter who did was a drug addict who is now clean. My worries are more based in, "Did Son go nuts and kill himself or somebody else?" Scary, yes, but I have to live with it. When times are hard for him and he is under stress, he freaks out in a frightening and horrific and dangerous way. I seriously have to distract myself in order to not think about suicide and if he doesn't call, I have to distract myself even more. But, in my heart, I know that if he truly wants to do it, he will and I can't stop him.

Hugs to you...waiting is terrible and our difficult children are terrible for making us wait.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Here is something strengthening for you TE (and for all of us) to think about when we come awake in the night, vigilant and keeping some kind of watch.

difficult child daughter told me this.

All over the world, there are women coming awake around 3 a.m.

I don't know how true that is, but when it happens to me, I always think of that and check the time and wonder whether there really are other women, all around the world, awake in the night like me.

It comforts me to think of them, of all of us, awake in the night for the love of a child. Some, giving birth. Some, nursing a baby or awake with a toddler.

Some, awake with some loved one passing through the other side of the spectrum, and waiting to die.

And so many like us, worried or in despair over a young adult gone away to school or to war or just gone a wrong way.

It probably is true that we all are out there, so many of us, black and white and yellow and red and brown, awake in the night.

Cedar

 

[nlj]

Thanks for that Cedar.
I wake every night at around 3 a.m. It's lonely at 3 a.m. even with a husband asleep next to me.
I'll think of all the other mothers awake now.