Is J gifted (and should I give up)?

[Malika]

Yes, that sounds plausible, busywend. I don't really feel the label "gifted" can be applied to J - for all his brightness - and it sounds as if the test your daughter was given was playing to a similar kind of strength in her.
Oh gosh, the whole "should J be in an alternative school" thing has now raised its head again, after I had really settled that we would be staying here for the duration. J himself has, for some reason, over the past couple of days started saying that he doesn't like school, doesn't like this school, etc (all new propositions from him). Of course, in the five year old mind, such decisions last five minutes but still... It is SO late to be thinking about any possible change, with just 5 weeks left of the school year. Have been ringing the alternative school in the big city but it just keeps going to voicemail, or someone other than the secretary picks up and no-one has rung back from my message...
And then money, money, money. If I had loads of the stuff... It would change things, as it would for so many people, of course. Most alternative schools are private and expensive, beyond my means. A few are subsidised by the state and this would involve going to somewhere completely new, a complete venture into the unknown. Which of course I'm reluctant to do.
I don't know!!

 

[tiredmommy]

Malika~

We knew early on that Duckie wasn't "typical". She was screened while in pre-k and barely missed the cut-off for services and was labeled within normal range but her file was flagged because the evaluators and Special Education department head felt something might be amiss but not fully measurable at that point. Also, our school district does not offer a gifted program, therefore Duckie has not been tested specifically for that. She has, however, performed quite well academically and shows a definite talent in math, science, music and art. She also gets bored and distracted very easily and was diagnosis'd with sensory integration disorder. She also has problems with organization skills.

I would have loved to have placed Duckie in our community's very expensive and exclusive private Montessori school, but it wasn't possible due to finances. Luckily, we have a decent public district. I requested (and she got) an experienced kindergarten teacher with an extensive Special Education background. This was important to me, since this sort of teacher has additional training to deal with these non-typical children. Duckie thrived.

Then, I placed her in our district's multiage program for grades one through three. There were thee mixed age classrooms with a very experienced Special Education teacher attached to this cluster of classes. Multiage was a good choice since these teachers know off the bat that they will be working with a large range of abilities and readiness, thereby preparing themselves to meet that large range of abilities and readiness. Also, being with the same group of teachers and students gave her plenty of time to work on her social skills and maturity.

Grade 4 was an exceptionally difficult year for Duckie. I seriously considered pulling her out of her class because the mix of students was very difficult for her very kind (and in my opinion much too patient) teacher with a Special Education background, especially since the class was looping together for grade 5. This is when Duckie had a major meltdown in school, requiring the counsellor to become involved and. Duckie ultimately was diagnosis'd and has been in treatment for dSI. husband felt (correctly) that we should leave her in the placement since he felt she would become stronger with the struggle. Fortunately, the one boy that created much of the classroom conflict and chaos was assigned to another classroom for 5th grade (I think Duckie's meltdown and another student being mercilessly bullied by him caused the move). She ended the year much more positively than she began.

Grade 5 has been, all in all, outstanding. She has worked very hard to find her place socially and excel in school, drama, dance and music. She is much stronger than I would have thought possible back in pre-k. If you look back, you'll notice that Duckie never spent a day in a traditional classroom with a traditional teacher because, frankly, she's not a traditional kid. It's worked for us (so far, at least!) and I hope you can find the right type of educational setting for J. He sounds like an exceptional child with a lot of strengths and a lot to offer.

 

[Malika]

Yes, well, J certainly isn't "traditional". And he's certainly not in the optimum environment for him, school-wise, though the small size is very good for him, of course.
His teacher has me baffled. I think she is actually expert at seeming to say the right things to me and actually behaving in a quite different way with him... the things he has let slip about the way she talks to him/them are kind of chilling, sometimes, and yet to me she gives the appearance of being a liberal, understanding woman. When I picked him up after school this evening he was basically hysterical, screaming and shouting about her having scolded and punished him all day... and, interestingly, at one point he said something along the lines of "You don't realise! She says one thing to you and does different things when you are not there". Very perceptive because obviously I haven't talked about this stuff to him. He will have a different teacher in September, who is younger, more relaxed and smiley, but it will still be more of the same, really. And I don't suppose the narrow, repetitive, dry curriculum will really suit him. I would imagine that Montessori or Waldorf would be much better. But... there is the whole problem of transition to take into account. I suppose... it now being so late, I will stay here for at least the next year and see how that goes, knowing that change is always possible if it turns out to be not good.
I do think J is daily a square peg being forced into a round hole.

 

[DammitJanet]

Malika, all three of my boys are above average in some way or another. I always said Jamie was my most average academically and he had an IQ of 110 or so. Cory and Billy were tested at 130 and over 140 respectively. Jamie and Cory were extremely good at sports as young kids and Jamie learned to ride a two wheeler without training wheels on his 3rd birthday and hit a thrown ball before he was 3. Cory was right on his heels. They were extremely competitive. Billy was so not into sports. He was my book lover. He was like me and reading everything he could get his hands on very early. He could also take apart everything and put it back together and was programming computers as soon as he got his first one. He got one before I did.

As adults it is obvious that Cory being smart as a kid hasnt exactly done a whole lot of good for him...lol. Jamie being my more average kid has done the best in life. Or at least so far. Who knows what will happen in the next 20 years. Everything could change.

I was what they would call gifted and look how I turned out. It means nothing. Or it could mean everything. Right now I would let him go at his pace and let him set it.

 

[Malika]

I'm honestly not bothered about J (or anyone) being "special" or above or anything like that. Or about all the academic shenanigins which tap into the same desire for competition and status (yeah, as warned, I'm just an old hippie). But what I am concerned about, I realised today, is J being given a good sense of himself rather than a negative one. This is what it comes down to, I think - in this conventional system, J is punished, marginalised, made constantly to feel that he is naughty and difficult (well, he is naughty and difficult, lol, but he also has many strengths and qualities that are NOT being brought out). In an alternative school, hopefully, J would be seen and validated. And I feel that is more important than imbibing loads of useless information that will be of absolutely no use to him, in this world or the hereafter.
Despite all the fears and dangers of changing now, I'm beginning to be seriously tempted to consider the Waldorf school that is about an hour and a half from where I live. Would have to rent a place during the week and come back here at weekends, and it would be a financial burden and risk... but. I am seriously tempted, for J's sake.