Is This difficult child or typical teen Behavior?

[DaisyFace]

Either way - it's been making me NUTS!

We just finished another long weekend. difficult child had absolutely nothing to do. No friends to call. Nobody to hang out with. No plans. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

So she spent the entire weekend on the sofa - making rude comments about everyone and everything. It's really been grating on my nerves! I just want to smack her and tell her to get up off her duff and find something to DO!

And this is how it has been the last several extended weekends off from school...(I am NOT looking forward to spring break....or (Heaven help me) summer vacation.)

But I'm not sure how to handle this...

Is this typical teen behavior? or is this difficult child stuff?

Any suggestions?

(Oh yes - *I* could run away....but I'd really prefer to get difficult child off the sofa and doing something positive for herself.)

 

[DDD]

I'd say it's a toss up. Some teens are lazy and surly and some aren't. on the other hand if they have no peer group to provide diversion it would be unusual for them to think up "things to do" on their own. Actually watching television programs showing peers doing all kinds of fun stuff likely would be darn depressing.
Have you brainstormed in an attempt to find new interests? That's all I can think of that might be of help...and finding something asap might save you from dreading the school breaks. Hugs DDD

 

[AnnieO]

Jett did the EXACT SAME THING. Sans the rude comments, but we had other passive-aggressive stuff. So, yeah... In this case, I think it might be typical teen - no friends, no one to hang out with... Jett's BFF (only real friend, sigh) had a DATE this weekend - at 13?! So Jett's feeling a tad left out.

 

[buddy]

Is it a cop out to vote "a little of both?" I always hear.... you are going to hate puberty because you have all the special needs issues and the teen stuff will just add to it. Really nice.

Will the threat of summer school get her bootie moving?

 

[TerryJ2]

Both.
I tell my difficult child that if he can't cut out the rude comments as we walk by, he will have to either go to his room or lose his TV cord or phone, or both.
I used to tell him he'd lose TV time or his allowance. You have to change the response to fit whatever they value at the time. And then follow through and expect an explosion.
Sometimes, expecting difficult child to fling a nasty comment my way, I come into the room singing opera as loudly as possible, and working in phrases like, "I can't HEAR you, alalalallallala la!"
He will of course yell louder and complain but he gets the point and after a few minutes, will stop. I just have to force myself to be as perseverant as he is.

I'm with-Buddy. Does the threat of summer school mean anything to her?

 

[DaisyFace]

DDD--

Ugh! I guess you're right...typical teen laziness.

Step--

Yeah, I guess it could be p/a venting due to lacking friends.

Buddy--

Summer school really isn't a threat. The school will skate her through...even if they have to pile on the bonus points to do so. And truthfully - she'd probably enjoy summer school because she would get to be with other kids.

Terry--

Yes - it's the rude comments that bother me most of all. Maybe I'll have to try the "La-la-la-la-la-la-la!" thing...

 

[Bunny]

I think that it's a little of both. difficult child is like that this week. We're off for the whole week this week (mid-winter recess. Who needs it??) and difficult child is starting to climb the walls. easy child is going to an all day sports camp for the week (9 - 3 M - F) so he's out of the house abnd busy, but difficult child? The friends that he wanted to play with a camping for the week and he doesn't want to call any of his other friends.

I feel for you. It's a pain when they get like this.

 

[BusynMember]

I'd say a little bit of both. To me, from my experience, a typical teen may lay around being lazy, but usually will not throw in surly remarks about anyone. They may balk that they are tired or have a headache if asked to do chores.

 

[susiestar]

It may be typical teen but I would have been afraid to do it. So would gfgbro. Our mother would have put us to WORK. HARD work, and if we said we didn't want to, the reply would have been, "Did I ask if you wanted to? Do I care if you want to? NO. and NO. So get up and do it before I find another chore for you to do before I let you eat or watch anything or go to sleep. Now."

My mother would have been whispering by the end and we would have RUN to do that chore.

My kids RUN when I whisper too. Esp as I get that lockjaw thing my mother always did when it was an "angry you have just ruined your life let me show you how" whisper.

Is he even a little afraid of what you will do, ever? I think that even a difficult child should be somewhat afraid of us, of what we will do. It just makes them more respectful and less entitled because they know there IS a limit and you WILL go out of your way to make them miserable if they beg you to. Being nice and reasonable is great, if it gets your kids to do and learn what they need to do and learn, part of which is to respect their parents. If they won't respect you any other way, fear will accomplish something. Not that you will beat them if they sniffle, but that if they are rude to you then you will find a way to make them regret it seriously.

Just in my opinion and some may say it is abusive or wrong or not collaborative and that is okay. But even wiht all that Wiz did, there were some things he would NOT do because he was afraid of what I might do or say. Not much, but some things.

 

[tiredmommy]

DF~ i feel sorry for difficult child, in a way. It must be tough to not have any friends to hang with over a long weekend, but I suspect that it's a consequence of her poor choices. I find the only effective way to deal with passive aggressive behavior is direct confrontation because it takes away the passive aggressor's power and control. I'd give her one pass, just in case you misinterpret what she saying. Don't react negatively. But, if it is passive aggression, she will try again... that's when you lay into her with full ferocity and give her a negative consequence. Trust me, it'll clear the air for some time to come and is far better than the rest of family having to walk on eggshells for an entire long weekend or break.

Susie... I do that whisper. It is most effective. The only caveat is that it must be used sparingly.