Its been 3 years since I posted

[beebz]

I think…. I think it’s been 3 years since I posted. I’m no better. I sit and cry. I cannot remember the last 3 years. All of this trauma has made me lose my memory. Still taking care of grandaughters, 93 year old dad, 89 year old mother and drug addict son who now has schizophrenia (and doesn’t know it) and my marriage dwindling day my day. I still though, managed to collect another 2 dogs (the only thing in life that makes me happy). I don’t know if any of the same people are around. I remember loving it here. I stopped posting because my son moved back in and I had ZERO privacy. I got a new computer and every single move I make on the internet is connected to EVERYTHING else in the house, all being APPLE products and my husband being the APPLE holder of the ID and all my history going to his devices and I lost my privacy in more ways than one. I just don’t need anyone reading my private thoughts except for you guys that I type to. Hubby doesn’t understand and I’ll be damned if he reads my posts and picks them apart. Lately it seems as if all we do is talk about divorce, after 42 (or something) years. My husband is traveling right now, he said when he comes home (tomorrow), if my son isn’t gone than he leaves and he will leave…. He’s done, more done than me. I just cry and have practically gave up. My son texted me just now and said when he leaves for work tomorrow he will be bringing all his stuff with him and moving out, out into his car or a tent, who knows. He is schizophrenic now and I don’t know how he’s going to manage. He doesn’t know he’s losing his mind and is extremely intelligent and thinks its “us” that is losing our minds and its “us” thats telling him he is doing these crazy things to make him think he is crazy.He says we are gaslighting him. Its awful, I mean awful. I’ve never seen a human suffer so much, never, and that human is my son. I hate this life and I am so mad at God. My son is on suboxone and medical marijuana. I told him if you live in my house you WILL NOT be on suboxone, you will take the “shot“ monthly instead. Well, after a year he confessed he is on subs and that I was the one who told him to take them. He yells at me and tells me I don’t remember. Well, My memory is bonkers but I know I NEVER CONDONED subs for him. I said “you will NOT live here and take those things”. He’s the one gaslighting me ! ! ! Somewhere along the way he started talking about people walking past him and saying what he was thinking, me having cameras in every room of the house, having cameras in the vents, having a tracking device on his car, paying a spy to follow him and he says “Its ok mom, I know you’re only doing it for my own good” and I tell him over and over and over that I am not following him or have any cameras anywhere, I yell, I scream, and it doesn’t matter. He came home one day and said something bad is going to happen, something in the world, its going to be ”murder” “felony murder” and walked away. He said everyone in his job was in on it, all the way to the top. He is losing his mind. You have no idea how hard it is to get someone mental help in this pitiful country. If I call the police, they’re just going to put him in jail or shoot him when he goes off the rails when he sees them. I spent Sunday past holding my arms up between him and my husband to try to stop violence. We told him to get out, we kicked him out and he played the trump card and said “evict me”. (To be continued) ……

 

[Crayola13]

I’m so, so sorry about what your son is doing to you and your husband. Schizophrenia is very hard because most people don’t think they have it. It’s the nature of the disease to be paranoid and hallucinating. It’s nearly impossible to get them to take their medications. Before the pandemic I volunteered at the homeless shelter. Many people staying there were off their medications or thought they didn’t need medications. Most of them think the rest of the world is the problem instead of their disease. They don’t trust doctors. One of the guys at the shelter wouldn’t take his prescriptions because he truly thought the pills were mini cameras so that the doctor could record his thoughts and give his information to the CIA. It’s absolutely the worst disease.

In rare cases you can get a judge to commit a person for three days. The hope is that during those three days, the person will be medicated which will allow them to begin thinking more clearly, thus realizing upon release that they really need that medication. I would start by talking to a social worker about what, if anything, can be done.

You and your husband might benefit from marriage counseling. You need counseling for yourself, too, because you have been traumatized and stressed to the max.

Did your son have schizophrenia prior to using drugs? Is there a family history?

 

[beebz]

I’m so, so sorry about what your son is doing to you and your husband. Schizophrenia is very hard because most people don’t think they have it. It’s the nature of the disease to be paranoid and hallucinating. It’s nearly impossible to get them to take their medications. Before the pandemic I volunteered at the homeless shelter. Many people staying there were off their medications or thought they didn’t need medications. Most of them think the rest of the world is the problem instead of their disease. They don’t trust doctors. One of the guys at the shelter wouldn’t take his prescriptions because he truly thought the pills were mini cameras so that the doctor could record his thoughts and give his information to the CIA. It’s absolutely the worst disease.

In rare cases you can get a judge to commit a person for three days. The hope is that during those three days, the person will be medicated which will allow them to begin thinking more clearly, thus realizing upon release that they really need that medication. I would start by talking to a social worker about what, if anything, can be done.

You and your husband might benefit from marriage counseling. You need counseling for yourself, too, because you have been traumatized and stressed to the max.

Did your son have schizophrenia prior to using drugs? Is there a family history?

No, he had Tourette’s (which I missed and is a looooong story). The schizophrenia is something new. People reading his thoughts, cameras everywhere, knowing something “big” is going to happen. I can’t imagine for the life of me how it came about or why. He is on Suboxone and medical marijuana. He is drug tested every 2 weeks . I reckon he could be doing meth because subs don’t effect that negatively ? And he can time his use and testing? He is a skeleton yet eats pounds and pounds of food daily, he has paralysis of the bowel. No family history of schizophrenia. Maybe there is. I heard a story about my husbands aunt who tried to take someone’s baby and my grandmother was mentally ill but I don’t recall her exact diagnosis. I’ll have to ask my dad later about her exact diagnosis. I know, in this small country town, knowing the judge and all the Dr’s, that I can get a 5150 on my son but don’t see the point. Maybe there is a point, but right now I’m trying to muster up the physical and mental energy just to shower let alone run all over the city to try to get help for my son, again, and again, and again. I will always love him. The pain of being a mother to a drug addicted son is pure misery. It kills me. He has such loving remorseful eyes. Through my illness, especially over the last year, he has done ALL my chores, every single one. He watches me and if he sees that I am standing up from my chair, he jumps up and does what I was going to do before my ass ever exits the bottom cushion. He literally does everything for me. I wish I could copy the last many months of his texts to me. You’ve never seen anything so normal and loving in your life, every…..single……day…… he says I love you, I hope you are having a good day, I hope your leg pain isn’t bad today…….if it is, just rest and I’lll do everything when I come home…How are you? Can I bring you home anything to eat? What’s for dinner..would you like me to pick up a NewYorker or Chinese? Or Chipotle ? Or a 3 way from Gold Star? … I hope I wasn’t too noisy when I got ready for work this morning… I let the dogs out before I left but Bubba would go …. I heard the new bird call this morning that you mentioned….it was beautiful. … I’ll be running late today so don’t worry, I have a Dr appointment… would dad like me to bring him home anything to eat? .. do you need me to pick up anything from the store on my way home??? —- yet the same son accuses me daily of having cameras and tracking devices on him, around him and in his car. He tears things up looking for them. Sometimes he says “its ok because I know you and dad just want whats best for me” - ——- The more a drug addict spills over onto you/me, the more the healthy non drug addict becomes “sick”. I feel sick, the torture, the sadness, the stress, the broken heart, the worry. I just feel so half dead.

 

[Crayola13]

In some people, marijuana, even at a therapeutic dose, can cause psychosis and symptoms like schizophrenia. Meth is the most likely drug to cause the paranoia and can make people imagine crazy things. It sounds like the two of you have a good relationship otherwise. Is he resistant to treatment—if you were to get him an appointment with a mental evaluation?

 

[beebz]

He went to a neurologist. I wanted to call beforehand and tell the Dr all about the delusions but I didn’t. He was supposed to have his head scanned and was a “no show”. When I say let’s talk to a Dr about all of this, he just says me and dad are trying to make him think he’s going crazy. Its going in circles, its awful.

 

[tommi]

I think…. I think it’s been 3 years since I posted. I’m no better. I sit and cry. I cannot remember the last 3 years. All of this trauma has made me lose my memory. Still taking care of grandaughters, 93 year old dad, 89 year old mother and drug addict son who now has schizophrenia (and doesn’t know it) and my marriage dwindling day my day. I still though, managed to collect another 2 dogs (the only thing in life that makes me happy). I don’t know if any of the same people are around. I remember loving it here. I stopped posting because my son moved back in and I had ZERO privacy. I got a new computer and every single move I make on the internet is connected to EVERYTHING else in the house, all being APPLE products and my husband being the APPLE holder of the ID and all my history going to his devices and I lost my privacy in more ways than one. I just don’t need anyone reading my private thoughts except for you guys that I type to. Hubby doesn’t understand and I’ll be damned if he reads my posts and picks them apart. Lately it seems as if all we do is talk about divorce, after 42 (or something) years. My husband is traveling right now, he said when he comes home (tomorrow), if my son isn’t gone than he leaves and he will leave…. He’s done, more done than me. I just cry and have practically gave up. My son texted me just now and said when he leaves for work tomorrow he will be bringing all his stuff with him and moving out, out into his car or a tent, who knows. He is schizophrenic now and I don’t know how he’s going to manage. He doesn’t know he’s losing his mind and is extremely intelligent and thinks its “us” that is losing our minds and its “us” thats telling him he is doing these crazy things to make him think he is crazy.He says we are gaslighting him. Its awful, I mean awful. I’ve never seen a human suffer so much, never, and that human is my son. I hate this life and I am so mad at God. My son is on suboxone and medical marijuana. I told him if you live in my house you WILL NOT be on suboxone, you will take the “shot“ monthly instead. Well, after a year he confessed he is on subs and that I was the one who told him to take them. He yells at me and tells me I don’t remember. Well, My memory is bonkers but I know I NEVER CONDONED subs for him. I said “you will NOT live here and take those things”. He’s the one gaslighting me ! ! ! Somewhere along the way he started talking about people walking past him and saying what he was thinking, me having cameras in every room of the house, having cameras in the vents, having a tracking device on his car, paying a spy to follow him and he says “Its ok mom, I know you’re only doing it for my own good” and I tell him over and over and over that I am not following him or have any cameras anywhere, I yell, I scream, and it doesn’t matter. He came home one day and said something bad is going to happen, something in the world, its going to be ”murder” “felony murder” and walked away. He said everyone in his job was in on it, all the way to the top. He is losing his mind. You have no idea how hard it is to get someone mental help in this pitiful country. If I call the police, they’re just going to put him in jail or shoot him when he goes off the rails when he sees them. I spent Sunday past holding my arms up between him and my husband to try to stop violence. We told him to get out, we kicked him out and he played the trump card and said “evict me”. (To be continued) ……

You are not alone, I am so sorry

 

[healinginside]

I'm sorry you are going through this with your son and husband. There is a book called "I'm not sick, I don't need help" that is a great resource for families with loved ones with schizophrenia or any type of mental disorders. It is about how to handle these conversations when they are having delusions. It was written by a psychiatrist who had a brother with schizophrenia named Dr. Xavier Amador and is a great resource for families. It says DO NOT try to argue with them bc they believe their delusions are real. If you can't get the book, you can google the name of the book and there is a free copy on the NAMI (national association of mental illness) site and there is a YouTube video of a TedTalk the dr did that has great help. He gives a simple method of communication with your loved one called LEAP - listen, empathize, agree and partner. Part of this is that the loved one just wants to be heard and you are getting yourself emotionally distressed by having these arguments that these things are "not real" and it isn't helping (only hurting you).

I don't think your husband could fault you into using these resources.

Would your husband attend a NARANON meeting with you online on zoom? It can be completely anonymous and you don't have to even show your face.

I joined in January and I cannot tell you how much it has helped to know there are THOUSANDS of moms going through the same thing as you are.

My son has the same side effects from marijuana and it is worsened by some type of speed drugs. But he even gets it with marijuana. I can tell you that he went into rehab and it has gotten much better now that he is off of the harder drugs. I still see it if ge gets in a stressful situation but nothing like before.

Hold on to hope. You've been with your husband for so many years and you don't want to lose him. You also can't stomach throwing your son out. Your son loves you but deep down he knows his actions are hurting you. If your husband leaves, will your son change? Probably not but the only difference is that you will be alone and will be even more depressed from losing your husband. Find a way to come together with your husband. Tell him that you guys are "better together". He knows that, but he has reached his breaking point with your son.

I wish you luck and prayers

 

[Copabanana]

Dr. Xavier Amador

Thank you for this resource.

 

[healinginside]

Thank you for this resource.

He is really good. I love his work, especially the Ted Talk which can be found on youtube! Blessings, healing

 

[tishthedish]

I haven’t been on in ages either, been, but have 2 sons that had Tourette. There are a lot of maladies that this makes them more prone to. Please read some of my past posts. You may find something valuable. My elder son is schizophrenic/bipolar. Don’t know for sure, he won’t go to the dr. The younger has substance abuse and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) issues. There is nothing you can do to change them. You can effect change in your relationship with your husband. We want to NAMI together during the crisis with the elder and with the younger, I gave my husband the same ultimatum he s giving to you. Our son moved out and we set about healing and made a vow NEVER to let either f our children move back in. Our home was our sanctuary and now I hold down the fort alone. I lost my husband of 40 years to Covid in 2020. I am keeping the vow because even though the situation is better, the ground shifts often and easily. Support each other. You both deserve the love and to enjoy what you have built forever. Blessings to you.

 

[Copabanana]

I haven’t been on in ages either

Hello Tish
It's good to see you here after such a long time. You sound so very, very strong. Love, Copa