it's been a while ....
- Thread starter addie
- Start date
witzend
Well-Known Member
I am honored and surprised that you would care enough to follow me to a board that is otherwise of no interest to you (it is for folks with family in prison)...I have to say I am confused as to why you think my son has a daughter?? I have never said that. I also have been very open and honest on this and any forum about my son.
James 5:9
James 5:9
Last edited:
Star*
call 911........call 911
Addie -
The tree is hanging in there. She's much smaller than the other ones. But she did have a really bad split, and I taped her up and babied her for 2 years. I haven't looked but I don't think she has leaves on her yet. Just buds - but she's split into 3 parts. Three distinct limbs will come out of the one trunk.
and FYI - I have an orange Husqvuarna 46" deck mower - lol.
Janet - Glad to hear Ant is doing so well. I'm confused - do you have one grandchild or two, or one for sure and a maybe elsewhere you don't see? I despise girls like that. If Ant is the Dad he should get to see his children.
That's just mean.
The tree is hanging in there. She's much smaller than the other ones. But she did have a really bad split, and I taped her up and babied her for 2 years. I haven't looked but I don't think she has leaves on her yet. Just buds - but she's split into 3 parts. Three distinct limbs will come out of the one trunk.
and FYI - I have an orange Husqvuarna 46" deck mower - lol.
Janet - Glad to hear Ant is doing so well. I'm confused - do you have one grandchild or two, or one for sure and a maybe elsewhere you don't see? I despise girls like that. If Ant is the Dad he should get to see his children.
That's just mean.
tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
Witz and Janet... I'm confused as the thread seems to be off topic. I have a feeling this is something between you that should betaken to pm as it doesn't seem to have anything to do with Addie's thread. TIA.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Maybe Witz was thinking of ME...the other Janet...lol. I have the girls.
Gosh Janet, I cant believe your grandson is already 5 but then again, Keyana is just about to turn 3! Time flies. I am so glad to hear that Ant is doing well. Thrilled beyond words really. I have thought of him often.
Gosh Janet, I cant believe your grandson is already 5 but then again, Keyana is just about to turn 3! Time flies. I am so glad to hear that Ant is doing well. Thrilled beyond words really. I have thought of him often.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
I always thought it was so funny how much antsmom and I had in common. We both had the same name...Janet. We both had son's named Anthony. We both had son's that went into law enforcement. We both had our youngest sons that gave us our grandbabies first.
Hello again:
I think I'll go straight into the saga, and respond to everyone's news at another time ... later tonight. I'm watching my f/difficult children (three 12 yo girls) out of the window.
I tried to do a profile or signature but it didn't 'take' so, briefly:
Adoptees: David, now 22.
Chrissie: now 20. ODD and daughter.
Jess: 18, a true blue CDer (sigh). The genuine article.
Some background I discovered which helps to understand the whole thing ... there is a city here (from whence my girls were adopted) which had a very large mental health centre, and most of the population was re-housed into the general population about 2 generations ago. It's in the middle of nowhere so this challenged group has remained in the same area, mixed and matched, and our social services are now dealing with 2nd and 3rd generation children etc.
One of my current f/children turned out to originally be from the same city, and to our surprise is a first cousin to my girls.
A baby I had for 5 days from the same city is in fact the offspring from the legal husband of my girls' bio-mom; he is not their father and she is not the mother of the baby.
Well, Jess, who had a diagnosis of CD when I had her assessed at 12 (which I refused to believe) was and is of course CD. I could write a book about her (and perhaps I will write a book about them all some day) but the end gradually came, over 2-3 years, when she got extremely physical with me. The police were called quite a few times. Towards the end she held me hostage in the bathroom for half an hour and 'beat me up', over and over. Also threatened me with a hammer and made death threats. I had a broken nose and a tooth knocked out.
I have to admit that all the time this behaviour was going on, I was a stereotypical 'abused wife'. I could only call the police when it was actually happening (never afterwards) and they would come and I would not lay charges. This was my BABY, the child who slept with me (refused to leave my bed ) from 2 years old to 12 years old. She is tiny but has insane strength.
Sometimes I thought of you ... just in the context that if it was happening to someone else on the CD board, I would have given advice which I myself was not following.
(I am going to send this as it hurts to write about it and I don't want to lose it and have to do it again, and the kidlets want feeding. To be continued ....)
addie
I think I'll go straight into the saga, and respond to everyone's news at another time ... later tonight. I'm watching my f/difficult children (three 12 yo girls) out of the window.
I tried to do a profile or signature but it didn't 'take' so, briefly:
Adoptees: David, now 22.
Chrissie: now 20. ODD and daughter.
Jess: 18, a true blue CDer (sigh). The genuine article.
Some background I discovered which helps to understand the whole thing ... there is a city here (from whence my girls were adopted) which had a very large mental health centre, and most of the population was re-housed into the general population about 2 generations ago. It's in the middle of nowhere so this challenged group has remained in the same area, mixed and matched, and our social services are now dealing with 2nd and 3rd generation children etc.
One of my current f/children turned out to originally be from the same city, and to our surprise is a first cousin to my girls.
A baby I had for 5 days from the same city is in fact the offspring from the legal husband of my girls' bio-mom; he is not their father and she is not the mother of the baby.
Well, Jess, who had a diagnosis of CD when I had her assessed at 12 (which I refused to believe) was and is of course CD. I could write a book about her (and perhaps I will write a book about them all some day) but the end gradually came, over 2-3 years, when she got extremely physical with me. The police were called quite a few times. Towards the end she held me hostage in the bathroom for half an hour and 'beat me up', over and over. Also threatened me with a hammer and made death threats. I had a broken nose and a tooth knocked out.
I have to admit that all the time this behaviour was going on, I was a stereotypical 'abused wife'. I could only call the police when it was actually happening (never afterwards) and they would come and I would not lay charges. This was my BABY, the child who slept with me (refused to leave my bed ) from 2 years old to 12 years old. She is tiny but has insane strength.
Sometimes I thought of you ... just in the context that if it was happening to someone else on the CD board, I would have given advice which I myself was not following.
(I am going to send this as it hurts to write about it and I don't want to lose it and have to do it again, and the kidlets want feeding. To be continued ....)
addie
Sorry - I am having a hard time with the new format, which seems very technical and necessary .... just hard to get used to.
To continue:
After the first actual charge was laid, by the police and not me as I still couldn't, Jess was incarcerated in a lock-down facility (re weapon and death threat). It's all a blur but eventually it came to trial and .... sorry, I can't remember all the details. I don't think she could come home so my husband stayed first at a motel with her, then a friend's house, then she could come home ... I think.
But it happened again, no weapon this time, and she was incarcerated again (open, not lock down) and we seemed to spend forever crying outside court rooms, in court rooms, travelling to court rooms, talking to lawyers, etc etc etc. I hand-picked (being in the biz, so to speak) the best for her ... I had (this one I did not do) virtually my own police officer (she always came if she was on duty and knew it was my house), the best lawyer on the legal aide list, the best probation officer, the best therapist.
We ended up paying for an apartment for her - she was homeless for a while as she would not stay in a shelter - living in the space between the back of the local arena and a garbage dumspter, with a sheet of cardboard over her.
She got evicted from the first apartment and we paid for damages. She took up with a guy who was her age and also CD. Her school did everything it could to help her with getting her grade 12. She got evicted from her second apartment and that coincided with her turning 18, and we gave her lots of warning that we would no longer pay her rent after 18.
She collected cats.
She ate from the food bank and where before she was tiny and round, she became tiny and stick-like. I did take her to buy clothes, second-hand, and we had a deal that we did not speak to each other - we couldn't, without adverse effects.
She met ABSOLUTELY NO terms of her probation order. So .....
To jump back some months, because of the foster child I have who is their first cousin, the bio-mom came into the picture. I actually have no regrets about that, and it is their right.
She came here ... I had a cake made celebrating M*** and Chrissie meeting, and though things were VERY difficult between me and Jess (in her mind, everything was my fault) we picked her up to meet M*** too.
Both girls started visiting bio-mom and her ilk. To our horror, our daughter daughter Chrissie, who has been SOOOO into horse showing and special Olympics and school and job co-op - well, she has ended up living with her bio-dad, who bio-mom introduced her to. (Even though bio-dad and bio-mom don't speak and are bitter enemies, both in their own 'camps').
Everyone locally misses Chrissie, with her huge heart and laugh and smile. She hangs out in a doughnut shop with other daughter people, and that is all she does, all day, every day. She never calls.
And Jess has gone up there too, originally living with bio-mom. They fell out, Jess found another boyfriend and got some more cats and is doing nothing except ....
waiting to go to jail again.
Because she still refuses to meet any of the probation requirements, AND TO ATTEND HER COURT HEARINGS.
We brought them up for 16 years, and ...... nothing but some happy memories of when they were little. Ah well.
Oh yes - in spite of all that we tried and are still trying to do, neither of them is on birth control. Certainly not Chrissie and perhaps not Jess. So either one could get pregnant. And knowing the system, I doubt either one would be able/allowed to keep the baby. And since there is no blood tie, we would not offer .... so unless David surprises us (he has girlfriends but shows no interest in settling for any one of them) I doubt we will ever be grandparents.
OK - a gazillion more things/bits and pieces, to tell, but that's the gist of it.
Thanks for listening/reading, and I will be back to comment on your posts soon.
addie
To continue:
After the first actual charge was laid, by the police and not me as I still couldn't, Jess was incarcerated in a lock-down facility (re weapon and death threat). It's all a blur but eventually it came to trial and .... sorry, I can't remember all the details. I don't think she could come home so my husband stayed first at a motel with her, then a friend's house, then she could come home ... I think.
But it happened again, no weapon this time, and she was incarcerated again (open, not lock down) and we seemed to spend forever crying outside court rooms, in court rooms, travelling to court rooms, talking to lawyers, etc etc etc. I hand-picked (being in the biz, so to speak) the best for her ... I had (this one I did not do) virtually my own police officer (she always came if she was on duty and knew it was my house), the best lawyer on the legal aide list, the best probation officer, the best therapist.
We ended up paying for an apartment for her - she was homeless for a while as she would not stay in a shelter - living in the space between the back of the local arena and a garbage dumspter, with a sheet of cardboard over her.
She got evicted from the first apartment and we paid for damages. She took up with a guy who was her age and also CD. Her school did everything it could to help her with getting her grade 12. She got evicted from her second apartment and that coincided with her turning 18, and we gave her lots of warning that we would no longer pay her rent after 18.
She collected cats.
She ate from the food bank and where before she was tiny and round, she became tiny and stick-like. I did take her to buy clothes, second-hand, and we had a deal that we did not speak to each other - we couldn't, without adverse effects.
She met ABSOLUTELY NO terms of her probation order. So .....
To jump back some months, because of the foster child I have who is their first cousin, the bio-mom came into the picture. I actually have no regrets about that, and it is their right.
She came here ... I had a cake made celebrating M*** and Chrissie meeting, and though things were VERY difficult between me and Jess (in her mind, everything was my fault) we picked her up to meet M*** too.
Both girls started visiting bio-mom and her ilk. To our horror, our daughter daughter Chrissie, who has been SOOOO into horse showing and special Olympics and school and job co-op - well, she has ended up living with her bio-dad, who bio-mom introduced her to. (Even though bio-dad and bio-mom don't speak and are bitter enemies, both in their own 'camps').
Everyone locally misses Chrissie, with her huge heart and laugh and smile. She hangs out in a doughnut shop with other daughter people, and that is all she does, all day, every day. She never calls.
And Jess has gone up there too, originally living with bio-mom. They fell out, Jess found another boyfriend and got some more cats and is doing nothing except ....
waiting to go to jail again.
Because she still refuses to meet any of the probation requirements, AND TO ATTEND HER COURT HEARINGS.
We brought them up for 16 years, and ...... nothing but some happy memories of when they were little. Ah well.
Oh yes - in spite of all that we tried and are still trying to do, neither of them is on birth control. Certainly not Chrissie and perhaps not Jess. So either one could get pregnant. And knowing the system, I doubt either one would be able/allowed to keep the baby. And since there is no blood tie, we would not offer .... so unless David surprises us (he has girlfriends but shows no interest in settling for any one of them) I doubt we will ever be grandparents.
OK - a gazillion more things/bits and pieces, to tell, but that's the gist of it.
Thanks for listening/reading, and I will be back to comment on your posts soon.
addie
Lothlorien
Well-Known Member
Addie, you've obviously been through a lot, most of which is sad. I'm sorry. How are YOU doing through all of this?
Star*
call 911........call 911
So the tree seems to keep a fairly accurate scenario of J's life. sigh - I'm so sorry Addie. In a million years I never would have figured her for that level of violence.
And Chrissie? Ugh....very sweet, loving - I figured she would ALWAYS be your little girl. I still think maybe after a bit - she'll find her way home. She doesn't sound angry to me like Jess does - just confused and trying to please everyone, and thus pleasing no one.
David has turned out to be quite the man huh? I'm very proud of his accomplishments - and at 22? Who would want to think about kids? (do not answer that)
If there is a someday with your girls - I hope for all you've done it's a happy one. I know you don't expect a thing - you never have, just a little respect. You've given so much - and I see that husband is hanging in there. What a guy!
I guess I got lucky with Dude and his reunion-telecon with his biodad. I've had years and years of therapy to prepare ME for it - but I'm an adult with great coping skills or better than I had. I wasn't sure about Dude - and I never (despite the urge to) badmouthed the man. But when it all came down to one call? Dude called a toad a toad. Oddly enough - the part of me that wanted him to just go somewhere and die and be tortured and etc...? Couldn't have cared much less if the plumber called. THAT was amazing to me.
DF and I are still together and he's in a lot of pain, disabilites cause him to take lots of pain medications, and the conversation in our home is lacking. But I found other things to busy myself with. Are you still smoking? lol......yes Star - nunya.
Last I heard from you - all you said was - I'm taking a board break - and then nothing.....so this was cool. I don't know how you do it with girls. Dude is living in Foster care and they took in 2 girls and the woman loves girls more than boys but her husband and Dude are very close. Dude said females are a pain. lol. I said I resemble that remark - and he rolled his eyes. I've been witness to some of the girl antics - and WOW - makes me glad I had a boy.
See you around....
And Chrissie? Ugh....very sweet, loving - I figured she would ALWAYS be your little girl. I still think maybe after a bit - she'll find her way home. She doesn't sound angry to me like Jess does - just confused and trying to please everyone, and thus pleasing no one.
David has turned out to be quite the man huh? I'm very proud of his accomplishments - and at 22? Who would want to think about kids? (do not answer that)
If there is a someday with your girls - I hope for all you've done it's a happy one. I know you don't expect a thing - you never have, just a little respect. You've given so much - and I see that husband is hanging in there. What a guy!
I guess I got lucky with Dude and his reunion-telecon with his biodad. I've had years and years of therapy to prepare ME for it - but I'm an adult with great coping skills or better than I had. I wasn't sure about Dude - and I never (despite the urge to) badmouthed the man. But when it all came down to one call? Dude called a toad a toad. Oddly enough - the part of me that wanted him to just go somewhere and die and be tortured and etc...? Couldn't have cared much less if the plumber called. THAT was amazing to me.
DF and I are still together and he's in a lot of pain, disabilites cause him to take lots of pain medications, and the conversation in our home is lacking. But I found other things to busy myself with. Are you still smoking? lol......yes Star - nunya.
Last I heard from you - all you said was - I'm taking a board break - and then nothing.....so this was cool. I don't know how you do it with girls. Dude is living in Foster care and they took in 2 girls and the woman loves girls more than boys but her husband and Dude are very close. Dude said females are a pain. lol. I said I resemble that remark - and he rolled his eyes. I've been witness to some of the girl antics - and WOW - makes me glad I had a boy.
See you around....
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Sheesh Addie...it has been a rough go for you. Hasnt been a picnic around here either but I too think girls are a bit rougher. I am really not looking forward to the teen years with my grands...lol.
Hi Addie!!! I am SO GLAD you popped in. I was just thinking of you on Easter for some reason.
Not sure if you remember me. The child I call Wiz here on the board is my much loved Brandon. He was abusing his little sis and keeping her quiet by threatening to kill our youngest, Tyler. He had a long psychiatric hospital stay when we learned of htis.
Fast forward to now: Wiz is a charming, sweet, caring young man who is making some really good choices. He graduates high school this year and is going to the tech school to learn to be a machinist. He also has his first job! It is a total turnaround from where he was when I last heard from you! Jessie and thank you are great kids, each doing the best they can.
I also don't remember why you left. I was probably caught up in a lot of conflama (conflict + drama = conflama) with my extended family.
I am just glad to have you back with us.
I am sorry your Jessie did not accept the love you gave her or the tools you taught her. I hate that she hurt you the way she did. I know how scary that abused woman position is. It is why Wiz now lives with my parents.
I think in some ways it is much worse to be a battered mother than a battered wife. With wives they ask why you didn't leave. With mothers they ask why you created a person who would beat you, almost as though they think you are asking for it. I am glad you are out of that position now. I hope you have worked with a therapist to process all that you went through during those rough times.
I ahve to agree with Star - I always thought Chrissie would be the one who would stick with you always, even if she didn't live with you. Sooner or later she will want you back in her life again. She knows you love her.
David sounds like he has his life on the right path for happiness and success. That is just great. I love to hear the success stories!
Stick around for a while. Let us know about your 12yo's. I would love to hear all about them!
HUGS!!!
Susie
Not sure if you remember me. The child I call Wiz here on the board is my much loved Brandon. He was abusing his little sis and keeping her quiet by threatening to kill our youngest, Tyler. He had a long psychiatric hospital stay when we learned of htis.
Fast forward to now: Wiz is a charming, sweet, caring young man who is making some really good choices. He graduates high school this year and is going to the tech school to learn to be a machinist. He also has his first job! It is a total turnaround from where he was when I last heard from you! Jessie and thank you are great kids, each doing the best they can.
I also don't remember why you left. I was probably caught up in a lot of conflama (conflict + drama = conflama) with my extended family.
I am just glad to have you back with us.
I am sorry your Jessie did not accept the love you gave her or the tools you taught her. I hate that she hurt you the way she did. I know how scary that abused woman position is. It is why Wiz now lives with my parents.
I think in some ways it is much worse to be a battered mother than a battered wife. With wives they ask why you didn't leave. With mothers they ask why you created a person who would beat you, almost as though they think you are asking for it. I am glad you are out of that position now. I hope you have worked with a therapist to process all that you went through during those rough times.
I ahve to agree with Star - I always thought Chrissie would be the one who would stick with you always, even if she didn't live with you. Sooner or later she will want you back in her life again. She knows you love her.
David sounds like he has his life on the right path for happiness and success. That is just great. I love to hear the success stories!
Stick around for a while. Let us know about your 12yo's. I would love to hear all about them!
HUGS!!!
Susie
Estherfromjerusalem
Well-Known Member
Addie, I certainly remember you.
It sounds like you have been through some really rough years, and I'm sorry. There aren't always happy endings to our kids' stories. I thought my difficult child was doing OK and lately a lot of it seems to be going wrong again.
I am happy you have "come back" to us. I don't remember the rows that happened, but it feels comfortable when the "older" names are around, since I am one of the "ancient" ones here. I'm sure it's at least 10 years that I've been a member, and I think you were already here then.
Anyway, stay in touch now. We're family!!
Love, Esther
It sounds like you have been through some really rough years, and I'm sorry. There aren't always happy endings to our kids' stories. I thought my difficult child was doing OK and lately a lot of it seems to be going wrong again.
I am happy you have "come back" to us. I don't remember the rows that happened, but it feels comfortable when the "older" names are around, since I am one of the "ancient" ones here. I'm sure it's at least 10 years that I've been a member, and I think you were already here then.
Anyway, stay in touch now. We're family!!
Love, Esther
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
addie
(((hugs))) You've most certainly been thru hades and back with Jess. And having Chrissie go to live with bio dad ....... How are you holding up thru all of this?
I just can't see Chrissie staying away forever, I have a feeling (and hope) she'll find her way back Home again.
(((hugs)))
(((hugs))) You've most certainly been thru hades and back with Jess. And having Chrissie go to live with bio dad ....... How are you holding up thru all of this?
I just can't see Chrissie staying away forever, I have a feeling (and hope) she'll find her way back Home again.
(((hugs)))
