jail/no jail
- Thread starter Jody
- Start date
Mine calls me a dumb, stupid b***h when he starts raging, so I know exactly how you feel. It's very hurtful. If she is threatening to go back to foster care, I would tell her fine and that you will make the arrangements to get her there. You should not have to live like this. I'm sending hugs your way. I hope it gets better.
DDD
Well-Known Member
Jody I have never been involved in a situation like yours but I have raised a bunch of teens who, at different times and with varying circumstances, were temporarily unwilling to follow the rules...easy child's and difficult child's. My gut reaction to your post is simply IF she really loved her fosterhome and IF she has the option I'd consider exploring that path. Absolutely NOT in a punitive way at all. In the same way as divorced parents might decide their difficult child might be better swapping homes..at least for awhile.
She may be pushing your buttons and triggering problems so that, in anger, you say "Go!" i'd never give a teen the satisfaction of feeling that power over my decision making. on the other hand, truthfully, if YOU explore the option, find it is viable, and then offer it to her in a loving way I believe it would strengthen your bond for the future with her. Maybe I am entirely wrong since I have not been there done that. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs DDD
She may be pushing your buttons and triggering problems so that, in anger, you say "Go!" i'd never give a teen the satisfaction of feeling that power over my decision making. on the other hand, truthfully, if YOU explore the option, find it is viable, and then offer it to her in a loving way I believe it would strengthen your bond for the future with her. Maybe I am entirely wrong since I have not been there done that. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs DDD
L
Liahona
Guest
Could you take self-defense classes?
TerryJ2
Well-Known Member
Jody,
I'm sorry I am so late to this ...
yes, it does sound like she needs to go back to foster care. And I agree with-the others ... it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. These kids just blurt out things in the heat of the moment, and when reality hits, they backpedal like mad.
I am glad that you are safe.
I'm so sorry that the 3-bdrm mobile home hasn't turned out the way you anticipated.
But remember, it is YOUR home and you do have choices.
{{hugs}}
been there done that ... haven't sent my son to foster care but nearly sent him to residential. I know the feeling. I've locked myself in the bathroom with-a pillow and magazines and my cell phone and he has still found his way in to harass me, if only verbally. It feels like there is nothing left, no blood, no air, no life.
I feel for you.
I'm sorry I am so late to this ...
yes, it does sound like she needs to go back to foster care. And I agree with-the others ... it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. These kids just blurt out things in the heat of the moment, and when reality hits, they backpedal like mad.
I am glad that you are safe.
I'm so sorry that the 3-bdrm mobile home hasn't turned out the way you anticipated.
But remember, it is YOUR home and you do have choices.
{{hugs}}
been there done that ... haven't sent my son to foster care but nearly sent him to residential. I know the feeling. I've locked myself in the bathroom with-a pillow and magazines and my cell phone and he has still found his way in to harass me, if only verbally. It feels like there is nothing left, no blood, no air, no life.
I feel for you.
I love my mobile home, I really do. I am keeping it, I love living there and so does my dog and I want my own outside yard and grass. I may have to work a little more but not a whole lot, I will have peace of mind. She just called me from school and apologized for how she has been acting. I said I hear what you are saying but, you are still grounded and I won't believe you are sorry till I see better behavior. It's the weekend somehow I am going to find some part of it to enjoy. These kids will suck the life right out of you, if you let them. I just get one shot at my own life and I know when you have kids you give up things and do without, but I am not willing to let her ruin everything for me. Ugh, its truly sickening.
You sound like me. I tell difficult child all the time that I will know he's truly sorry when he stops doing the things that he constantly has to apologize for. I am not a big fan of the weekend, either. difficult children suck all of the fun out of them for everyone. I hope she's better to you when she gets home from school.
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Jody, I really worry about you because of the illnesses you have. All this stress isnt good for you at all and will make things worse for you very fast. Also, I know it wont be that easy for you to work a second job on top of your first job unless its a very easy job and even then just the mere fact of having to be present can stress your mind and body physically. I dont know how you do it. You amaze me.
I wouldnt think you would have to pay child support to the foster home if your daughter gets social security. That should be enough to cover her because it would follow her.
I wouldnt think you would have to pay child support to the foster home if your daughter gets social security. That should be enough to cover her because it would follow her.
(((((hugs)))))
It is time to call the social worker about foster care again. Whether she apologizes, does better for a while, or kicks you in the stomach, this situation isn't healthy for either of you. If you need a second job and can find an easy one, it would likely be worth it. Things have been escalating for a while now, and are going into the place where the danger of physical abuse is very real. Sometimes a family cannot exist under one roof, and needs to be a family of different addresses. I wouldn't turn down any therapy, even if you don't really want to see her for a while. The therapy is what will help you both in the future, and if it is needed to keep from paying child support, well, think of an hour or two of therapy a week as your second job. It would be a lot easier than being a greeter at Walmart in some ways, and harder in others.
I have long thought that one of the biggest parts of good parenting is when to say "Enough.", to make a big change to stop yourself from destruction or from abusing your chld. I got Wiz out of the house when it became clear that if he stayed one of us would be seriously hurt or killed and the other hurt or killed or in jail. I didn't trust myself or him, and if he got through me he would have killed J and possibly T. You don't have the other kids, but you do have a seriously escalating problem. I should have stopped before we got to that point, but that is hindsight. You can stop before it gets to that point, and I would make that call as soon as possible if I were you.
DDD is right about what the stress will do with your diagnosis's. Chances are you will have a huge physical toll from the stress, and it will take much time to overcome. I am sorry.
It is time to call the social worker about foster care again. Whether she apologizes, does better for a while, or kicks you in the stomach, this situation isn't healthy for either of you. If you need a second job and can find an easy one, it would likely be worth it. Things have been escalating for a while now, and are going into the place where the danger of physical abuse is very real. Sometimes a family cannot exist under one roof, and needs to be a family of different addresses. I wouldn't turn down any therapy, even if you don't really want to see her for a while. The therapy is what will help you both in the future, and if it is needed to keep from paying child support, well, think of an hour or two of therapy a week as your second job. It would be a lot easier than being a greeter at Walmart in some ways, and harder in others.
I have long thought that one of the biggest parts of good parenting is when to say "Enough.", to make a big change to stop yourself from destruction or from abusing your chld. I got Wiz out of the house when it became clear that if he stayed one of us would be seriously hurt or killed and the other hurt or killed or in jail. I didn't trust myself or him, and if he got through me he would have killed J and possibly T. You don't have the other kids, but you do have a seriously escalating problem. I should have stopped before we got to that point, but that is hindsight. You can stop before it gets to that point, and I would make that call as soon as possible if I were you.
DDD is right about what the stress will do with your diagnosis's. Chances are you will have a huge physical toll from the stress, and it will take much time to overcome. I am sorry.
Just wanted to pop in and say hey, and let you now I am okay for the moment. difficult child really hates having her phone off. Yeah, glad she's miserable and I told her for everytime that she said something about her phone being off or asking me when it's going to be back on, then I will add another day. She likes to badger, but I am not going for it. Ive been able to live with her without losing it cause she has backed off, she wants that phone back so bad and ungrounded she is actually behaving. Sad that you have to take something away froma child in order for them to be nice to their parent. Oh well I'll take anyday without being called dumb b's.
StressedM0mma
Active Member
Jody, so glad that she has backed off on you. I hate when they get like that. difficult child is in that place right now. And, I am getting to the point that I am about to take everything from her. But unlike your difficult child where she backs down, mine amps up horribly. That is when she starts with the fine I will just run away ans kill myself. I hope her good behavior continues.
buddy
New Member
I'd so love it if consequences like that would work for more than a minute here! Like Stressed, for us he often ramps up. The world is over, no problem solving, no looking to the future ...or its just too far away.
For you, though its hard, it worked! Yipee! I hope she sees now you mean business and will settle into her new home. It would be so great if she could accept and benefit from mommy love and care. Stay strong, she seems to need those limits you set! Great news.
For you, though its hard, it worked! Yipee! I hope she sees now you mean business and will settle into her new home. It would be so great if she could accept and benefit from mommy love and care. Stay strong, she seems to need those limits you set! Great news.
