Just filed Criminal Charges Against Our Lying Stealing Addict Son

[Benro]

Well we have an update, I guess his friends got tired of the cops coming to their house and he finally called us, we picked him up and took him to the jail to turn himself in. He still doesn't know we filed the charges against him.

It was hard to do my wife didn't want to see him in handcuffs and right after we left they walked him outside to the booking area in handcuffs. she is having a real hard time with this and I don't know what to do for her.

 

[so ready to live]

Hi Benro. So sorry for your pain.

We had been planning a camping trip for months now it was suppose to be this weekend with a large group of friends, my wife and I decided yesterday not to go, now we have reconsidered and are going to go. Yet I still somewhat feel we need to be here at home. I don't even know what to think anymore.

Our camping trips were interrupted for years due to son spiraling out of control when we were gone, before we went, after we returned...we finally realized not to associate that with our going/enjoying ourselves. In reality, his drama went on all the time. It was not better or worse when we were gone, just more memorable for us. It actually was one of our better trips when he was jailed the night before we left-I didn't wonder where he was and what he was doing. Many of us here know the pain of calling the police on our kids. I truly am thankful for the officers who so compassionately understood.
You are so correct, the right thing is difficult many times, but this time you do it for not only you but for him. You've tried as hard as you can, now his actions have made the decision. Prayers.

 

[JaneBetty]

Benro, I'm sorry you and your wife are dealing with a painful situation.

A little more than four years ago during a family camping vacation, my daughter experienced a manic episode which resulted in her eventual arrest and commitment to a mental health facility in Florida. The memory of seeing her handcuffed and put into the back of a cruiser to be taken to the facility still makes me to cry. She looked so defeated.

It is normal that you want to protect your wife, and you are to be commended for wanting to help her. Our latest episode with our daughter involved her bringing more animals into our house. When I protested that we couldn't live with more animals, she chased me through the house and knocked me down, kicking, punching, and pulling my hair. She was at the end of a manic episode.

Thank god my husband was there, I don't know what I would have done had he not been there to pull her off me. I most certainly would have sustained more injuries, I simply don't have the physical strength she does.

You are doing what you must while he is young and still impressionable. This is the best time to make a difference, even though it is painful to witness him going through this. Lots of parents here to help, keep posting, this is a good place to seek advice.

 

[New Leaf]

HI Ben,
I am just getting caught up here. I am so sorry for your troubles with your son. You did the right thing in pressing charges. How well I know the pain of dealing with theft from my own two, but we had no idea who took what, broke into the house, the list goes on and on. All the while we were working and taking care of business, younger children and so on. They became very selfish people, with an attitude that we were supposed to "help" them, regardless of how they behaved.
It is as if they do not view us as people, we become things to them. That hurts.

I feel guilty for filing those charges and I think my wife does too.

This caught my attention because really, as we go through this insanity with our d cs and it comes down to something like filing charges, or making them leave our homes due to unacceptable behavior, we go through all of the stages of grief. We have suffered a loss in so many different ways, it is natural to cycle through and process many emotions.

So, if I’m doing the right thing, why do I feel like crap. I feel like I’m the one who committed the crimes. Maybe I wasn’t a good enough father, maybe if I had provided a better example for him.

I think most of us have felt like this, the shoulda, coulda, woulda, but the truth is, we did the best we could raising our kids with what we knew at the time. Of course we made mistakes, we are only human.

I know it’s not true but non the less I still feel that way, like it’s all my fault.

I am glad you know it is not true that this is your fault, because its not. Kids grow up and make choices. They have their own unique personalities and will do what they do, regardless of what we have taught them. Marijuana in the picture from 12 or so on is a bad cocktail. Especially now a days. I have heard that pot is way more potent than it used to be and is often mixed with other substances. Our kids go off the rails and we end up suffering the consequences.
Your son is young. Putting your foot down and doing the right thing by pressing charges, you are helping him and standing up for your right to have peace in your home.
You and your wife matter.
We are not rugs to be walked upon.
The sooner our d cs understand this, the better.
My heart goes out to you and your wife.
Hang in there and do something for the both of you.
(((HUGS)))
Leafy

 

[Benro]

Yesterday we went to see our son for the first time I was disappointed it was all video and not in person contact, I wanted to just reach in through the monitor and rip him out of there. It is so hard for me to see him in there. I spoke to the DA yesterday as well we are requesting probation with adjudication withheld to allow him to restart his life, he can't return home to live. Not as long as I have little ones in the house, I must protect my granddaughters although I know he would not harm them intentionally, he did place them in danger by bringing that crap into my home and leaving it where they could get to it. Right now I'm trying to find a place in Tampa, Florida where he can go when released, I don't want him to be released and have no where to go. He needs help and I want to make sure he has what he needs even if he doesn't want it.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

 

[Jay80]

I hope their is a happy ending to your son. I know that this was posted some time ago I would like to know if everything is alright or at least on track.