One more thing, it would seem so easy if he could just live at home with us, but between March and May we let him try it twice after getting out of mental hospitals. Both times he cut himself in the middle of the night with one of our kitchen knives and called 911. We still have two preteens living at home so him staying with us is not the best option right now, yet he can't seem to last more than a few days when he is in an apartment by himself.
Life out of balance--emotionally drained from son with mental illness
- Thread starter Mama5
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Littleboylost
Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
Mama and SWOT
I read this and my heart goes out to both of you. It makes me wonder if I even belong in this group at all. The head ache sorrow and strength you pervale through is beyond any courage I have ever seen. My heart is with you both
I read this and my heart goes out to both of you. It makes me wonder if I even belong in this group at all. The head ache sorrow and strength you pervale through is beyond any courage I have ever seen. My heart is with you both
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
If you ever heard of Jani, a girl who was born with schizophrenia and had a very severe case of it...the medication that brought her to being sble to ignore many of her hallucinations and become MUCH bettet now that she is a teen was Clozaril. It is often the last best hope for psychosis. Of course tje patient needs to take it regularly. Is there a clozaril shot that works for a month like Risperdals shot?
To whomever said i was strong...i do not have a serious mental illness nor psychosis and none of my kids do either. I just am medication compliant and my life is great. I am not strong, just not self destructive.
I know a lot about psychiatry because it fascinates me plus my family of origin was not quite right. I believe everyone in that family except for my bro had serious mental health disorders from borderline tendencies to anorexia to anxiety to depression. However nobody was psychotic, which is a whole other level of illness. Psychotic people are not bad...they cant help themselves.
To whomever said i was strong...i do not have a serious mental illness nor psychosis and none of my kids do either. I just am medication compliant and my life is great. I am not strong, just not self destructive.
I know a lot about psychiatry because it fascinates me plus my family of origin was not quite right. I believe everyone in that family except for my bro had serious mental health disorders from borderline tendencies to anorexia to anxiety to depression. However nobody was psychotic, which is a whole other level of illness. Psychotic people are not bad...they cant help themselves.
We have tried Clozaril. I believe it is the generic form of Clozapine or vice versa. It did seem to work better than the others, but you must have weekly blood draws. The only trouble is there is no injectable and he is not medication compliant. Clozapine has a history of rapid psychosis withdrawal symptoms. Thank you for the background information. 
MichelleLynnFl
Member
Mama5, I am so sorry again that you have to go through this...must say your son sounds worse off than my daughter.
But, you truly have done all you can and would focus on your job, yourself. I can certainly appreciate you being stress free while he is in jail knowing he is being taken care of, that if he acts out they will not put up with it and control him.
Shame that these kids will stop medications that help them. Supposedly at this Salvataion Army Center of Hope they do mental counseling which my daughter attended yesterday. She told me in a text that they are starting her on a different medication Monday. I wanted her to do this very thing and she refused.
Last that she text me was yesterday afternoon, said she was on a bus to go look for a job. Of course I am worried a little bit and would love to know what's going on........but, I am very committed this time to following through with detachment. If she wants to text me with positive, getting her life togeather things....am all for it. But these moments of non communication makes me wonder. Well, it's all up to her and I will accept that she has to do this herself.
I hope you come to the same place that I am right now. It's very, very nice.
But now, I have to deal with my husbands whining about this and whining about that. At least I only have to deal with one now.
But, you truly have done all you can and would focus on your job, yourself. I can certainly appreciate you being stress free while he is in jail knowing he is being taken care of, that if he acts out they will not put up with it and control him.
Shame that these kids will stop medications that help them. Supposedly at this Salvataion Army Center of Hope they do mental counseling which my daughter attended yesterday. She told me in a text that they are starting her on a different medication Monday. I wanted her to do this very thing and she refused.
Last that she text me was yesterday afternoon, said she was on a bus to go look for a job. Of course I am worried a little bit and would love to know what's going on........but, I am very committed this time to following through with detachment. If she wants to text me with positive, getting her life togeather things....am all for it. But these moments of non communication makes me wonder. Well, it's all up to her and I will accept that she has to do this herself.
I hope you come to the same place that I am right now. It's very, very nice.
But now, I have to deal with my husbands whining about this and whining about that. At least I only have to deal with one now.
MichelleLynnFl
Member
In my opinion, because he will call 911 at the drop of a hat, I would never let him live with you again....ever.
I say this because I fear of his trying to get you into trouble with the law. You do have so much on your side, so much proof but, they are so dang sneaky!
My daughter and I got into a tiff, I will call it. I grabbed her lightly on her shirt to try and get her off the arm of my couch so she would not break it. She then lightly flicked me on the lips. She told the cop about this incident and the cop said if that's true, I can arrest you BOTH right now. Do you want to do that? My daughter, in her anger towards me, said YES! The cop looked at her funny and said...are you serious???
That night taught be a valuable lesson. In our state of Florida you can be arrested fo verbally abusing someone, and threatening someone even without touching someone....as simple as pointing a finger in their face, no matter their age.
Don't take that chance. We almost had it happen to both myself and her Dad, almost wound up in jail. They can twist words that get you arrested, even if you lawyer up and get out on bond, still...I don't ever want to go to jail. Not for even a second. And if your sons like my daughter, anything is possible when they are in this state of mind, that she has regretted later.
Michelle, I want to get to that place in my mind where I am more detached. In my mind I'm there already with my "not bailing you out" commitment, but he is not out yet, so the real test hasn't begun. Praying a new adventure does not await next week, but hopefully I'll be strong like I am in my mind right now. I am wanting to get my mind away from waiting for the shoe to drop and waiting for the phone to ring to hear the next problem he has gotten into. I can't let him live with us again. It always goes bad eventually. I have read that the part of the brain that controls schizophrenia also causes the person to have lack of insight and judgment into their illness. They think they are not sick. My husband at times has caused more stress that my son because he has pushed me to detach before I was ready. That has caused a lot of arguments. I have to be in that place to be able to live with it and feel right about it. No one can make me get there before I'm ready. Thank you so much for your story. It really helps me cope.
MichelleLynnFl
Member
We want to be strong, we so want to see it through... I am a little teary today because have not heard from her at all. In my anger weeks ago I wanted no communication with her! How our heart deceives us.
I have been in your shoes, too. One time last fall before he moved out completely, I dropped him off at an exit because he and his dad had been fighting. He said he had a friend to stay with at this exit in a city close by, and wouldn't come home with me. I knew he was living on the street and he wouldn't answer my calls for five days when I tried to check on him. I can't tell you how many times I've said to myself this week, How could you leave your schizophrenic mentally ill son begging for you to come get him in jail? I've been really depressed today. Work this week kept me distracted. My mind has too much time to think about it today. I want to be strong, but I think my mother's instinct to protect and save my kids kicks in and makes me feel like I'm going against my nature. Another time he left the hotel and ended up on the streets for three nights. The worst storm imaginable happened the second night he was out there. He didn't even have a cell phone. On the other hand, we've got to quit beating ourselves up. I think when this guilt stuff starts, I need to realize that my mom nature routines have NOT been working with this 24 year old man. I need to be strong, stop feeling guilt, and realize I'm doing this to try to change the course of his life. It might fall flat. But, I tried something different. This course of action is certainly a lot harder than rushing to save him. I probably should feel guiltier if I rush to rescue him.
MichelleLynnFl
Member
Your Mom sounds exactly like mine, she rushed in to everyone's rescue.
Very sorry that today was such a difficult day for you but, you are certainly on the right track. My daughter has never been on the streets her entire life for more than an evening. Your son has done so many times and he got through it right? I always took it that with her bipolar she was not as smart as others, had no common sense, could not find her way out of a paper sack if she tried. Guess what? My eyes were opened as she did that and so much more.
For me, after both my kids left home, was an emotional wreck for about a week after until I became adjusted to my new routine.
Maybe we just need to give ourselves space, even from our own selves. Go on a total mental check out within reason. Oh a massage sounds so good right now.
Very sorry that today was such a difficult day for you but, you are certainly on the right track. My daughter has never been on the streets her entire life for more than an evening. Your son has done so many times and he got through it right? I always took it that with her bipolar she was not as smart as others, had no common sense, could not find her way out of a paper sack if she tried. Guess what? My eyes were opened as she did that and so much more.
For me, after both my kids left home, was an emotional wreck for about a week after until I became adjusted to my new routine.
Maybe we just need to give ourselves space, even from our own selves. Go on a total mental check out within reason. Oh a massage sounds so good right now.
Two of my most therapeutic days happened this week. I took my daughters to the public pool and sunned myself with great music by the pool. The other day surprisingly was my first day back to work after summer break. I laughed more in one day than I did all summer. I actually have a two year old massage gift card in my purse. My oldest daughter and I were just talking about going next Saturday. You read my mind!
MichelleLynnFl
Member
It sounds like we both need to refocus on us first..ahhhh massage...and then our other children! Monday we are spending the day with my son and his girlfriend. Always a very good day with them.
