Mattsmom277
Active Member
I will try to keep "vague" while still making the gyst of the situation obvious. I also want to say upfront that I know many members have suffered or their easy child's or difficult child's have suffered, sexual abuse. I say that because its the topic of this thread and by saying so up front, those that may be bothered/upset reading, can then choose to not read this. I don't want in any way to bring up pain from peoples experiences.
So, I'll try to sum up the situation in a way that makes sense. I never knew my father. I was in and out of foster car until I moved on my own on my 16th birthday (mom is bipolar, divorced my father when I was under a year old, raised my brother and I alone, well I should say foster care did mostly). At around age 12-13 I was suddenly plunged into living with my bio dad. I met him for first time the day him and his then wife picked me up to move 5 hours away to live with them. I gained a step sister and step brother. I hated living there. Before anything bad happened, I feared my father. Even though he was loved by all and the pillar of the community type. Before I moved away (I was there about 8 or 9 months) I learned my father was a pedophile first hand.
Eventually, a couple months later, while in foster care, I told my foster mom, I phoned my step mother due to concern for my step sister. She always showed signs of being abused. My step mother refused to believe me. Foster care did have me go swear police statements. It came down to he said/she said and with no evidence, the prosecutor could do nothing. So I know about myself, I suspected about my step sister.
Maybe 13 years ago, suddenly my step mother divorced my father. He got NOTHING but the clothes on his back. She got everything. I knew in my gut he'd been caught for something deviant and the deal was just go. I recently found out indeed he'd abused my step sister her entire life including an attack on her when she was an adult, married, 7 months pregnant. She ended up having a csection and nearly losing her child. She then ended up in a psychiatric hospital and the stories tumbled out, she was too mentally unstable to press charges, thus the divorce where he was told to leave. He got away with it again.
Now that's all I had known. Quickly after, I learned that my father had found a new woman. Someone only 2 years old than me, with 2 young daughters. They went on to have a child together. I now have a 11 year old sister.
Last year online I found a police news article in a online paper about charges against my father. I contact that towns crown attorney and told my story and asked if it was charges against a minor. Well of course it was. The mother however of hte girl didn't believe the young girl!!!! So the prosecutor could not do anything, even knowing this mans history. He wants to nail my father badly. He did pass my info on to child protection as I worried about my sister and the other 2 daughters of this woman.
About 3 months ago, i recieved requests to add on facebook 2 aunts (my fathers side) and my paternal grandfather! I've never heard from them, met them, didnt' even know their names!!!!!! Turns out I'm growing close to them, more so with one of the aunts. They have no contact with my father either. I then learned that he had abused severly EVERY sibling. That is 4 sisters and a brother. For their entire childhood. I learned about another case with a woman with a child before he married my mother. I learned that last years charge where the mother didn't believe the daughter? It was my half sisters older sister!!!!!
I was reeling. Information overload. Through the years I'd learned for 5 women on my mothers side that had the same experience during the time my mother was with my father. His victim list grows. He's been doing this from age 14 and still going.
Next day I contact child protection where my sister lives and told ALL, including names of all his victimes, details. It nearly killed me but I had police give me my statements from when I was a teen. Weird and painful to read my own handwriting telling my story. My 13 year old self talking to me. I also had child protection dig through my files from my time in foster care and provide all information documented regarding this situation. There were things in there even I didnt' know. I provided all of this to child protection where my sis lives and to the crown attorney. It was then forwarded by them to the police.
Oddly, a few weeks after this contact from my fathers siblings, my SISTER managed to locate me on facebook. The child protection worker thinks my sis is trying to find a safe person to talk to. We are slowly talking when she has access to a computer (she has not got one at home) and trying to get to know each other. I have since learned she is keeping it secret from her mohter and our father. She wants nobody to know she is in touch with me. I worry about her so much. Child protection has been in their lives for 3 years now. My sister at one point was taken into foster care. She has seen domestic violence and my father at his alcoholic worst. My father is no longer with her mother. He is now with a new woman. You may have guessed: a woman with young daughters. Police make no secret they follow him, they park outside his house, they are dying to find a way to nail him (this is a small town).
The child protection worker told me info she was not legally allowed to tell me. I'm so grateful she did. I know alot of my sisters life now, as well as my fathers etc. We have a deal, the worker and I, that if my sister is taken into foster care again, she'll call me straight away and support my petiton to court to be her foster placement.
The prosecutor would like for me along with other victims to all come together to lay charges. There is no statute of limitations on these level of charges. I don't know how to ask newly found family to open up old painful wounds and confront as a group in court. The prosecutor needs more than just me, he knows I'm willing, in order to build a strong case. I just don't know how to approach a delicate new found family relationship with this type of thing.
I guess I'm wondering what others would do? I do know this man must be stopped. He will NEVER stop. This is like the worst Dr.Phil show. Or the worst sickest made for t.v. movie. I wish I had never been told all the details i have been told. I feel helpless and fear hearing of someone new being his victim while we all sit here, capable of changing this, but nothing being done.
This is really eating at me. Its disrupting my sleep. The stress has put me into a worse MS flare. I cry a few times a week, I just can't stop thinking "is he hurting some young girl RIGHT NOW" and then I cry. I no longer can watch a single program about abuse, talk shows, or movies with abuse. This really is no different than many horrific true crime books I've read. Its WORSE than some I've read. I am also trying to cope with this mans genetics running in me and my children. My blood is his blood. My dna is his dna. You get the drift.
The onlyp ositive is my sister sought me out. I didn't know she even knew I existed. We even had a secret very brief phone call last week. It thrilled me to no end. Via facebook I've seen a few pictures. SHe's alot like my easy child and me mixed together. She LOOKS like my sister. She's a beautiful little girl. And getting to know my fathers family is a blessing.
Anyhow, I am just at a loss. I don't know how to proceed or if there is even anything I can do. The aunts I would have to ask to prosecute are in their 50's and 60's and in some cases, their own husbands don't know, let alone their adult children. One, even under hypnosis, can not bring back one memory before the age of 12, the trauma was so severe. Do I have a right to resurrect this by asking them open those wounds when the impact on their life has been that extreme?
Pretty heavy post. Sorry for that all. I just don't really have many people to talk to. I don't exactly want my real world friends hearing what I'm a product of. A total monster.
So, I'll try to sum up the situation in a way that makes sense. I never knew my father. I was in and out of foster car until I moved on my own on my 16th birthday (mom is bipolar, divorced my father when I was under a year old, raised my brother and I alone, well I should say foster care did mostly). At around age 12-13 I was suddenly plunged into living with my bio dad. I met him for first time the day him and his then wife picked me up to move 5 hours away to live with them. I gained a step sister and step brother. I hated living there. Before anything bad happened, I feared my father. Even though he was loved by all and the pillar of the community type. Before I moved away (I was there about 8 or 9 months) I learned my father was a pedophile first hand.
Eventually, a couple months later, while in foster care, I told my foster mom, I phoned my step mother due to concern for my step sister. She always showed signs of being abused. My step mother refused to believe me. Foster care did have me go swear police statements. It came down to he said/she said and with no evidence, the prosecutor could do nothing. So I know about myself, I suspected about my step sister.
Maybe 13 years ago, suddenly my step mother divorced my father. He got NOTHING but the clothes on his back. She got everything. I knew in my gut he'd been caught for something deviant and the deal was just go. I recently found out indeed he'd abused my step sister her entire life including an attack on her when she was an adult, married, 7 months pregnant. She ended up having a csection and nearly losing her child. She then ended up in a psychiatric hospital and the stories tumbled out, she was too mentally unstable to press charges, thus the divorce where he was told to leave. He got away with it again.
Now that's all I had known. Quickly after, I learned that my father had found a new woman. Someone only 2 years old than me, with 2 young daughters. They went on to have a child together. I now have a 11 year old sister.
Last year online I found a police news article in a online paper about charges against my father. I contact that towns crown attorney and told my story and asked if it was charges against a minor. Well of course it was. The mother however of hte girl didn't believe the young girl!!!! So the prosecutor could not do anything, even knowing this mans history. He wants to nail my father badly. He did pass my info on to child protection as I worried about my sister and the other 2 daughters of this woman.
About 3 months ago, i recieved requests to add on facebook 2 aunts (my fathers side) and my paternal grandfather! I've never heard from them, met them, didnt' even know their names!!!!!! Turns out I'm growing close to them, more so with one of the aunts. They have no contact with my father either. I then learned that he had abused severly EVERY sibling. That is 4 sisters and a brother. For their entire childhood. I learned about another case with a woman with a child before he married my mother. I learned that last years charge where the mother didn't believe the daughter? It was my half sisters older sister!!!!!
I was reeling. Information overload. Through the years I'd learned for 5 women on my mothers side that had the same experience during the time my mother was with my father. His victim list grows. He's been doing this from age 14 and still going.
Next day I contact child protection where my sister lives and told ALL, including names of all his victimes, details. It nearly killed me but I had police give me my statements from when I was a teen. Weird and painful to read my own handwriting telling my story. My 13 year old self talking to me. I also had child protection dig through my files from my time in foster care and provide all information documented regarding this situation. There were things in there even I didnt' know. I provided all of this to child protection where my sis lives and to the crown attorney. It was then forwarded by them to the police.
Oddly, a few weeks after this contact from my fathers siblings, my SISTER managed to locate me on facebook. The child protection worker thinks my sis is trying to find a safe person to talk to. We are slowly talking when she has access to a computer (she has not got one at home) and trying to get to know each other. I have since learned she is keeping it secret from her mohter and our father. She wants nobody to know she is in touch with me. I worry about her so much. Child protection has been in their lives for 3 years now. My sister at one point was taken into foster care. She has seen domestic violence and my father at his alcoholic worst. My father is no longer with her mother. He is now with a new woman. You may have guessed: a woman with young daughters. Police make no secret they follow him, they park outside his house, they are dying to find a way to nail him (this is a small town).
The child protection worker told me info she was not legally allowed to tell me. I'm so grateful she did. I know alot of my sisters life now, as well as my fathers etc. We have a deal, the worker and I, that if my sister is taken into foster care again, she'll call me straight away and support my petiton to court to be her foster placement.
The prosecutor would like for me along with other victims to all come together to lay charges. There is no statute of limitations on these level of charges. I don't know how to ask newly found family to open up old painful wounds and confront as a group in court. The prosecutor needs more than just me, he knows I'm willing, in order to build a strong case. I just don't know how to approach a delicate new found family relationship with this type of thing.
I guess I'm wondering what others would do? I do know this man must be stopped. He will NEVER stop. This is like the worst Dr.Phil show. Or the worst sickest made for t.v. movie. I wish I had never been told all the details i have been told. I feel helpless and fear hearing of someone new being his victim while we all sit here, capable of changing this, but nothing being done.
This is really eating at me. Its disrupting my sleep. The stress has put me into a worse MS flare. I cry a few times a week, I just can't stop thinking "is he hurting some young girl RIGHT NOW" and then I cry. I no longer can watch a single program about abuse, talk shows, or movies with abuse. This really is no different than many horrific true crime books I've read. Its WORSE than some I've read. I am also trying to cope with this mans genetics running in me and my children. My blood is his blood. My dna is his dna. You get the drift.
The onlyp ositive is my sister sought me out. I didn't know she even knew I existed. We even had a secret very brief phone call last week. It thrilled me to no end. Via facebook I've seen a few pictures. SHe's alot like my easy child and me mixed together. She LOOKS like my sister. She's a beautiful little girl. And getting to know my fathers family is a blessing.
Anyhow, I am just at a loss. I don't know how to proceed or if there is even anything I can do. The aunts I would have to ask to prosecute are in their 50's and 60's and in some cases, their own husbands don't know, let alone their adult children. One, even under hypnosis, can not bring back one memory before the age of 12, the trauma was so severe. Do I have a right to resurrect this by asking them open those wounds when the impact on their life has been that extreme?
Pretty heavy post. Sorry for that all. I just don't really have many people to talk to. I don't exactly want my real world friends hearing what I'm a product of. A total monster.