Mazes, yes life is a-mazing.
At times confusing, but amazing.......
I like the one on the bottom, as I am fond of the swirls. Hawaiians call these piko (peeko) or centers.
Piko are represented in many petroglyphs found island wide.
I like the rocks, too, there is something about rocks.
Solid, ancient, withstanding the test of time.
In my journey in the maze of discovery with my FOO, right now, I am gazing up at the tall bushes, looking for the center.
I have always done paper maze puzzles, from the center, finding it easier to get to the beginning, from the ending, so to speak.
I think I thought I was pretty centered, now I am not sure. You know that wooden game box, with the silver balls, and one has to move and tilt the top, so the ball does not fall into the maze of cutouts? I think I fell in, guys......
The two worldviews are incompatible. One seeks to amass power or stuff or attention by competition.
The other seeks to construct. Make sense. Communicate. Create. Understand.
Yes, it is two entirely different objectives. Do you find this with friends, sometimes, or acquaintances, that some folks just seem to be in relationship for what they are able to acquire from you?
How could we ever understand if we keep looking through our own lens, at their behavior. There is no win, if the win is defined as to create or to construct. Something that benefits all. But that is not their aim.
So true.
It was suggested that for our own sakes, we learn to hold them away from us with compassion. Their internal realities are frightening in ways we cannot understand. So, that would be where the quote about praying for their peace and therein finding our own can be helpful to us.
Thank you Cedar, this is true, like trying to piece together a puzzle, that is so jumbled and mixed up with other puzzle pieces....I never could quite fathom the motive...and it is too much to try to describe or even understand. Is this why these people are so good at what they do, because others can not even imagine coming from the place they do?
Yes. If people do not have it in them to appreciate us, we need to appreciate ourselves, which means valuing ourselves enough to care and protect. To leave.
Yes, true, but my leaving, affects my Mom, who has such little time....
So I am planning to leave partially. I will not show them all of me.
It is the same coping skill I used as a child. I stopped being myself in front of them, because the reaction was so awful.
They might not feel the same feelings as we do. Empathy may not exist. Our empathy for them, renders us vulnerable, and greatly at a disadvantage to them, and greatly distorts the playing field.
I find this to be true. In all cases where I have come across bullish narcissistic people, they have no empathy. It seems that people become pawns in their game. They form relationships with people who are
useful to them.
They appear to be without
conscience as well.
At the end of the day, we have to find empathy ourselves. To not keep judging ourselves as remiss for failing in relation to them.
I think this relates to not seeing ourselves through their eyes.
It isn't that we are kinder or stronger, it is that we are normal. In my family, I am not considered normal. I am the romantic one, the one who just doesn't get it
Me, too. I am
too sensitive.....
The effect of interpreting myself in this not-possible-to-seriously-expect-to-take-myself-seriously way, for me and in my life, has to do with undivided concentration versus shattered, piecemeal interpretation. It has to do with taking myself seriously enough to concentrate fully on the task at hand, or to take a goal seriously, in a logical, step by step way.
The negative voices......get out of my head....I can do this and I will.
The fuzzily remembered background snickering and scoffing.
If I fail, at least I tried. I will do this. Fighting with my own self.....but it is not myself, it is the memories......
I do not have that sense of blame or unfairness so much as a sense of shock as I pull the pieces together with the research and understand I've been fighting a chimera.
Yes, shock Cedar, this is where I am, shock.
In my case, too bad, so sad for them, not me.
I like this Serenity, good for you. I am me, you guys are losing out (FOO), too bad for you.
And with our families, there is fear, and the memories of untold hurts and anger, and self-blame for all of the things for which we hold ourselves responsible...because they taught us we were or we held that belief because it was safer? The only kind of safe choice was to sacrifice ourselves.
Yes Copa, this is true. So, when we do not sacrifice ourselves, do we then have to work at redefining ourselves?
If our whole lives were based on this, then what?
Would it not be a wondrous thing to think of ourselves in this way. To reclaim our garden of mazes and to lovingly cultivate a means to reclaim them? (And build a bridge over to not get lost?)
I am loving this imagery. Just now, I am in the lost stage in the maze, trying to find a way to freedom, to centered. Then reaching center, do we stay there?
Yes. I was that too. The vulnerable one. Sensitive.
Me, too.
The issue though is that our identities are bound up with how they treated us, and how we responded to them by cutting off parts of ourselves, our energies, or wants.
A quasi form of ourselves. I am still engaged with my FOO. In order to be that, and to
be a part of, I have to withhold pieces of myself.
But, do not we have different personas, all of us?
Do we not have different presentations of ourselves, according to who we are interacting with?
So, we would not speak, and act the same with a true intimate friend, as we would with someone who we have just met. Or even, people we have known for a long time, who are in different positions in our lives, but require a more reserved, polite version?
I guess I am learning, that part of my problem with my FOO, is that I should KNOW by now, that to be completely myself is unacceptable to them.
So, I will be what is acceptable. I can do this. I have other avenues in my life, where I can be me. So, I shall have to assume the role, when I am in contact with them.
Is that weird, guys?
If I am off key in my writing, please forgive me, I am in the fog and stuck within the maze. It is okay, I am no longer panicked. I went through several days with periods of shortness of breath, a kind of not being able to get a good breath, or finish a yawn. Then looking it up, found out stress and anxiety causes this. This led to palpitations, which are very uncomfortable, to say the least. That is why I wrote in another post, that I was affected physically.
So, I am practicing good breathing.
I am glad to have a couple of weeks off, to sort through things without having to get up daily and go to work. I would be in my bed, too Copa, if I could. But, I have to get going and clean, and drive Boy to and from practice.
This is hard sisters.
I am trying.
Thank you for all of your help, kind words and sharing. It is just what I need.
It is like you are on the outside of the maze encouraging me onward.
I am sorry, I am not feeling very Christmasy........I do not want to be a Debbie downer. I suppose I am Eeyore right now
I have to shake myself out of these doldrums, grandson is coming home from college, and we will be making cookies next week.
Off to scrub the house and put up some decorations. I will listen to some music, too. This should help.
(((HUGS)))
leafy
