May is ending soon

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by newstart, May 22, 2020.

  1. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    My 38 year old daughter has been mostly manic during this pandemic. The manic talking is driving my husband crazy. Today my daughter came over and talked nonstop, I looked at my husband's face and he was white as a ghost then left the room, he just could not take it. I think she stays up all night and reads political things. She wanted to spend time with us which I think is nice but GOOD LORD with all that political talk.

    My daughter and I discussed my friend that did me so wrong last summer. My daughter said 'Why don't you just give her a big hug' I told her that I deserve more kindness and respect and I did nothing to deserve such ugly treatment from her and since I know that exfriend is capable of such damage and deep down ugly behavior I do not want or need such a person in my life and I sure do not need such a soul in my future. My daughter looked at me long and hard and knew I was talking about her past behavior too.

    A couple of days ago I had to redo my mammogram. (it turned out good) but I was very frightened. I was surprised how frantic my daughter became. She sent text after text. I could see in her face and body language that she was frightened too. Just when I thought she did not give a sh## about me I saw she did even in the midst of her mania. If one good thing happened it was that I saw real authentic concern.

    I have been working on detatching from buying her things. I usually have a box full of things to give her each week, stuff I pick up from the stores, things I know she will like. I was proud of myself that I put some flip flops back that I was going to get for her. I did not pick up her favorite cheeses either. All the cute summer beach towels I get for her each year, nope not going to do that either. I still feel guilty when I don't or if she was better but when she goes back to being wicked all my guilt leaves and I feel justice.
    Can't believe we will be in June very soon.
     
  2. JMom

    JMom Active Member

    Newstart,

    When she is manic, will she let you change the subject of conversation? Politics makes me weary as well. It's so kind of you to box her favorite things, she is lucky to have a thoughtful mom. I'm happy that you were able to witness her concern for you. That is something to hold on to! So, how does she feel about Trump? Totally kidding, I don't want to know. LOL
    Jmom
     
  3. ChickPea

    ChickPea Active Member

    It's hard enough right now for people not dealing with "issues" - but even harder for those that do. My son, who has some anxiety, is very politically talkative. He could go on for hours. Ha.

    It sounds like you had a couple sweet moments with her. I hope that was good for you.
     
  4. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Hi Jmom, My daughter will not let me change the subject and she talks in rapid spit fire, she is absorbed and possessed with anything and everything politics. I know a few people like that, she does not spew the hate like a lot of people do. I have to snooze several people on my FB because of all the ugly hate that they post. If it is massive hate it usually tells me they are possibly bipolar, this is on both sides. I keep FB because I get to see pictures of family and stay in the loop with how their lives are progressing.
    My husband and I ran into my daughter and her boyfriend a couple of days ago, the boyfriend tempted to make superficial chit chat with my husband, of course all his chit chat is more like blurping random words. My husband was his usual kind self. At this age and stage in my life, 63 years old I will not engage in blurping words or superficial crap, if that is all a person has to offer than I would rather no words be exchanged. I think silence speaks volumes and shuts the abuse down hard. The only reason I still have some chit chat with my daughter is because I see some genuine trying here and there and I think that maybe the best she has. I hope things balance out for you soon Jmom, you certainly have your hands full. It must be very hard for you to deal with members of your own family and then have to deal with the public being a peace officer. I hope you can make your home your castle and get some deep deserved peace. I have taken the citizens police academy twice, once for the local police and the other time for DPS. Excellent courses, I think every citizen should go through that just to understand what police work is about. I admire you, being an author, peace officer and working so hard at trying to keep your family balanced. Sending you love, compassion and all things good for your rocky journey.
     
  5. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Thank you ChickPea. Oh no, you have to listen to the political stuff too. I think it is just wordy crap because they don't want to talk about what is really going on in their life. I am happy for good moments with my daughter because it is rare. She has recently morphed into her boyfriend, she is even walking like him, I told her he is not anyone to copy. It is so sad to watch her lose herself. Thank you for your kind post.
     
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry to hear that you are bombarded with political talk. It seems to be somewhat common in people with certain mental health disorders. I know that my brother will corner you with political talk every chance he gets. Sadly, he is great at research. This means he usually has well thought out (but a bit skewed) information that is sometimes very obscure. I don't talk politics with anyone but my daughter. And only rarely with her. I generally listen more than I give opinions. Mostly because politics here in the US is what it is.
     
  7. AnotherMom58

    AnotherMom58 New Member

    Sorry you get bombarded with politics. My son also gets like that sometimes and it's difficult.
    On the plus side, you did get to see some caring behaviors/thoughts from her, which is great. And congrats on setting some limits on buying her things!
     
  8. JMom

    JMom Active Member

    OK girl, you got me weepy! Thanks for being so supportive. Honestly, the WORST part of my job is making homeless people leave. They just don't want to go to the shelter. It kills me to see little old homeless ladies. They don't even do drugs. If I was rich I'd have time to sit around and find a solution for those who need a hand and are willing to work or contribute in some way.
    JMOM
     
  9. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Hi susiestar, Glad to see you posting more often. I am sorry your brother does that political talk with you. My daughter also does a lot of research, she knows the names of all the politicians, their back grounds and what they did 25+ years ago. She knows and understands all the bills that get passed. This to me is no different than a groupie that follows bands and knows every single thing that is going on with the bands. It is like an obsession. I was listening to one of Thomas Sheridan's YouTube's on Dogmatic Possession, it was very interesting and talks about people that are overly politically involved.
    My daughter has lost a few friends because of this obsession. I too listen more than give my opinions politically because it can start major fights.
     
  10. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Hi AnotherMom58, Sorry you have to listen to a bunch of political noise too. Do you have any magic words that shuts it up? Sometimes in the midst of my daughter spouting political stuff, I put my arms around her and hug her and tell her how much I love her. Ever so often that slows things down and puts a smile on her face, it tells her through body language that I have had more than enough. I am so glad the gyms can open up so she can start to burn off some of that mania. She has a home gym with all the equipment she needs to last her forever but I found out recently she has 4 different memberships to 4 different gyms. I think she thinks having all the memberships will melt the weight off. Such a huge waste of money. She said she got a discount on the memberships but still a huge waste of money.
     
  11. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Jmom, I know what you mean about the homeless that are really down on their luck. Our Church supports a few shelters and it is always deeply satisfying to see these people get lifted up. It is deeply satisfying to feed them, clothes them, house them and know that they have a decent shelter over their heads. We also feed drug addicts and ex cons too. Many times I do not see gratitude from them, I see more greed, and most of the time I see that their main focus in life is to get more drugs. But it is also ok to feed the drug addicts, I pray over each one I serve and ask God to come into their lives and straighten all that nasty behavior. I do enjoy volunteering at the battered woman's shelter, I get to hold the babies as the mom's eat.
     
  12. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    My Difficult Child daughter and son, both in their 40s react the same.

    I have my political opinions, but I keep them to myself. I am an enabler by history (past tense, thanks to this group). I don't like conflict. I, too, am offended by the politcal hate on FB.

    That said, both my Difficult Child daughter and my son have issues. My son was diagnosed bi-polar at age 17. He wouldnt take the medications, but amazingly enough, he has figured out how to channel the anxiety productively. Maybe what's going on in their brain contributes to their need to seek and maintain conflict. They seek what we want to avoid.

    I try to redirect topics when I know they want to lead the conversation to anything controversial. It's probably a bit manipulative, but hey, it's my turn. I change the topic by asking about a favorite thing, something I hope will take their brain to a pleasurable place. I have found it has to be more than just changing topics, because they will just come right back to the same place. Learning to think logically and avoiding negative energy has helped me with this. The same tools I have acquired for my Difficult Child works with all circumstances.

    by the way, my husband would have responded the same as yours. At this point in our lives, we deserve respect, even if we have to demand it. (We are in our 70s).
     
  13. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Blindsided, I agree with you about the tools you have learned for your difficult children have worked with all circumstances. I too use them from my tool box. So sorry you have to listen to all the political stuff too. OMG it gets weary. Good luck on your journey.