Meeting with the district attorney

[CrazyinVA]

Not sure if you're dealing with skipping or outright refusal to go since I haven't followed your story closely, but in case it's refusal I wanted to share: when Youngest refused to attend school in high school, I called the school attendance office, and her guidance counselor, each and every time she wouldn't go to school, just to cover myself. I'd just call and say, "this is Youngest's mom, and I'm calling to let you know she is refusing to attend school today." I documented each phone call, and had that list with me when she (and me) got referred to the court. They knew very well that I couldn't physically make her attend school, and it showed that I wasn't ignoring it. As I watched another parent in court get charged for ignoring her daughter's truancy, I was really glad I'd done that. It ended with Youngest in trouble, but not me.

Because of her anxiety issues, this also helped document that public school was not working for her, and she eventually got an alternative placement.

Good luck.

 

[DammitJanet]

You arent her only parent. Does your ex have joint custody but you have primary physical custody? If so he needs to be there because he is as much involved in this as you are. Both parents are responsible for their child but the primary custodial parent has to take the responsibility for what happens to the kid on their watch just like he would if she broke the law when she was with him. He couldnt hold you responsible for that. But he definitely needs to know so he can help form some kind of plan with the courts.

I am not surprised that they are ordering monitoring until she graduates. That is par for the course. You havent said but have they put her on any type of probation or made any recommendations for how you should handle this?

 

[susiestar]

I truly hope you can come to see this as a good thing. Yes, it is scary. OF course it is. It also opens up a whole lot of avenues for you to get help in making her do what she needs to do. Most people don't 'get' a difficult child the way we do. This will put people in place to help you get her to school, and to help support you by watching what you do and hwo you respond so that if you follow what they want and if difficult child still flat out refuses, then you have court officers who can say that you have done EVERYTHINNG you can and that your ex hasn't been willing to step up. Or that he has stepped up and so have you. You do need to work on your confidence and anxiety issues with your therapist. Find a NAMI support group in your area because they can also help you deal with everything both with your bipolar and other issues. This helps you AND your kids, and gives you more support and people who can go an tell the court that you are doing all you can.

He really needed to know about the meeting, and if you had kept it from him it would have been a MAJOR reason that you could have lost custody over. Janet is totally right, and he needs to be given the chance to step up, esp as he keeps threatening custody. Much as you are on the 'hot seat', he is too. Now he can't say you are hiding things from him. That is a very GOOD thing.

 

[garrison]

I don't understand the doctors note part. Here, we have to have a Doctors note every time anyway. Everyone does. They will excuse a family vacation but otherwise, if the kid isn't sick you are explaining yourself.

 

[BusynMember]

Each state is different. Check with a lawyer. My son's ex holds a lot from him and he can't do much without paying more money than he makes. Make sure you follow the laws of California. It is hard for us to know what to tell you if we don't live there.

 

[TeDo]

garrison, here in our schools, we only need a doctor's note if the child misses more than 3 consecutive days or there is a pattern of "being sick" more than is normal.

 

[cubsgirl]

CB -what happened with the meeting?

 

[Californiablonde]

I just posted about it.