My 25 y/o got kicked out of rehab today. ..

[Helpless Mom in Tx]

Hello Everyone! I'm new to this page, but was wondering if I could some kind of support. My son has had a drug issue since he was 16, but it was mostly pot. A few years later, i found out he was taking Hydrocodone. I did not realize at that time he was already addicted!! His father took him in and helped him detox off of the pills, not once but twice!! He then moved in with my parents and he was doing good, holding down a job, had a g/f and then a baby that just turned 1 last week! by the way, he is no longer with the Mother of his child.
Well, about 9 months ago, he cried out to me, he was using iv heroine!
I was beyond shocked! We didn't know what to do, so we took him to a methodone clinc and found out that he was addicted to that after 6 months! In between all of this, in the last year he has stolen money and medication fm me and over 7k fm my parents, lies all the time, the typical things a drug addict does. We told him his last chance was rehab, he accepted and went in on Nov 2nd and then today, he called me to let me know that, he was in trouble there! Apparently, he was given a Hydrocodone by another patient there and failed his drug test! He then added, I was getting klonopin fm another patient and gave one to my roommate and got caught doing it!! I told him, I warned you what would happen if you failed at this & told him to call his Dad! This was his last chance and our whole family let him know before he went in that we would no longer enable him and he would be out in the streets if he didn't come back in recovery!

Well, that is where he is now, homeless and out in the streets.....How do I deal with my drug addict son, now being homeless??

 

[New Leaf]

Hi HMT,
Welcome to this forum, so sorry for the reason and your need to be here. It is a good place to share, when faced with your situation. Hugs for your hurting mama heart.
I went to counseling, to sort out what was happening, it helped to hear a professionals view on addiction, and the affect on families of addicts. I brought my son to counseling, so he could sort it out in his 13 year old mind, what was happening to his sisters.

How do I deal with my drug addict son, now being homeless??

Speaking from experience, I do not deal with it.
Well, of course I do, it is there in the back of my mind, where it belongs.

My daughter is an adult, she has made some horrible choices. She has been in and out of our home, and slipped away one night about four months ago. I had no contact, until recently.

When she and her sister, ousted themselves from our home those four months ago, I found CD. It has been a lifeline of support and comfort, and helped me to see again and again, many things about my d cs and addiction and its affects on them, and me, and our family.

In the course of all of this, I am finally able to say that I am done going down with their decisions and choices. It is because, I realized I have no control over what their path is. It is because I saw what was happening when they were here, I was spiraling down with them, my heart, mind, emotions, it was exhausting.
It is a bottomless pit, that saps away peace.

I decided to give my two to a higher power, and when I find my thoughts drifting to awfullizing about what could be happening to them, I say a quick prayer.
They no longer occupy my house, now I have to stop allowing their choices to occupy my heart and mind.

HMT, you have value, and you have a life to live. If your son was doing well, you would be going about your life, with nary a worry.
We still need to go on living, even though our d cs are making bad choices, because it is their choice to be where they are. There is nothing we can do about it. Nothing.

With that, how do we fill that empty hole?
By living.
One day at a time.
By realizing that we can show our d cs through our own actions and mindset,
what living strong, and determined to live joyfully, is.
We show our d cs by carrying on with our lives,
their own endless possibilities.

It is a hard concept to grasp and practice. It starts with giving in to the notion that we can't direct or control our adult children's actions and choices. Once we know this, we have to pick ourselves up by the bootstraps, somehow, and carry on with our lives.

You have value HMT, and every reason to live a good life. You have a future ahead of you.

One day, one step at a time.
You will be able to do this,to get through it, because you have to.
Know, too that homeless are resourceful and survivors.
There is much help for them, but, they have to want it.

There is a great article on the top of the PE forum page on detachment, it is very helpful.

Others will come along and share with you. Please continue to post, it is very helpful.
If you add a bit to your signature, that will help folks understand your situation.

You are not alone HMT, and you are not helpless. There are many here in your situation.
We understand, and we help one another.

Peace be with you.
(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[La Mesa Mom]

My experience is similar. Marijuana, Vicodin, Heroin, lost jobs, rehab and homelessness. My son too has been there. It is a roller coaster for most of us but I am working on understanding and detaching and trying to work on me. It is hard. Everyone here understands. I pray you are able to take care of you in this difficult time. We are here for you.

 

[A dad]

WTF is wrong with rehab center this days. There there to get away from drugs and to recover from their addiction they should screen better the prison every person that enters that place.
This is not the first time I heard that and it will not be the last. If rehab centers can not keep addicted people from drugs why do they exist.
Sorry to hear about your child.

 

[Miss Tired of being tired]

Hello All,
I am new here and I am wore out and frustrated. I do not know what to do.
My Son is 27 has two kids and Blames everybody else for his poor choices.
@ 2:30 am I got a PM from him saying I love you Im homeless.
What do I do with that?
I am lost.
The only help he seems to want from me is Money that is it.
I need 20 dollars for this or this guy said I can stay the week for 50 dollars. Im in jail for failure to pay child support Please bail me out.Or I will call and make you cry and I will beg you and make promises of repayment that will never come. I am blind and I do not have money but have taken out a loan to get him outta jail which I had to pay back. I asked my Mother to let him stay at her house and she did only to have him get ahold of her credit card and charge things on it So now I feel I need to pay her back for that.
But it is always my fault always. I do not know if i am making any since because I do not sleep for more than a few hours a night for fear of the phone ringing at 2am even though he knows I do not live by myself and have told him often please do not call me after 11 pm.
What do I do? I am engaged to a wonderful man who I have to say has been really understanding for the most part. He is not a fan of my oldest child right now and I can not really blame him.
He wants me to start saying NO it is so much easier said then done.
I just want peace I want my child to be ok.
Thanks for listening to a very wore out MOM.
Miss Tired of being tired

 

[BusynMember]

Rehabs to me are to show people who seriously want to quit using how to live a better, drug free life. It would be great if the facilitators could stop everyo e from bri ging drugs to patients but its not realistic. Where there are addicts there will be drugs,,,addicts are so sneaky. Jail has drugs too. My daughter found ways ti get drugs when she was in iur house for grounding and did not leave. She now explains that she had people bring them to the house by her bedroom window and took off the window. After we got wuse and fixed the window so she couldnt do it she simply refused grounding.

She quit when she truly was ready to change
, jncludjng leaving the state and dumping all her friends. She was very lonely for a long time. But she did not look for drugs after she detoxed only with her new boyfriend with her. You have to want it enough to resist. Its bever easy. No environment is drug free if somebody wwants to use. Relapse is often a part of quitting. My daughters drug of choice was meth but she tried everything. I thought shed end up in jail or dead she is clean elevin years, with that same boyfriend, and has a house and my beautiful granddaughter. She us into organic living.

Never give up, however it is in the addicts hands.

Have you gone to al anon? Lifesaver here.

Hugs to all still in this hell.

 

[A dad]

Ok their addicts until the drugs are out of their system I do not think they can refuse drugs so yeah rehab should be drug free. That is the reason their at rehab.

 

[toughlovin]

Hugs to both of you dealing with your kids who are homeless. The hardest time I had was when my son was homeless in Denver in the middle of winter. So I get how hard it is for you right now.

So they find ways to survive. They learn from others on the street...and there are services for the homeless...shelters and meals. They find ways to survive.

How do you survive and get through this? By putting one foot in front of another a day at a time. This is a time to take care of you. Find things you like to do even if you don't feel like doing them. Distraction is a great coping skill. Find a live support group for parents....I found an alanon group for parents that was and continues to be a great support for me.

Decide what your limits are. How are you willing to help. The discussion on phones is a great example...some of us five our kids phones, some don't. Either decision is fine as long as it is your decision and you are clear about it.

We took the stand with our son that we would help get help when he wanted help...and we have done that (over and over again).

Hang in there and keep posting here.

 

[Miss Tired of being tired]

Thank you.

 

[Miss Tired of being tired]

My son is right now letting me know he is on the Street.
I do not know what to do I have nothing no money and even if I did what good is it to keep giving and giving? Everything stays the same.
Well I'm on the streets again. Yay, go me.

I love you

9:24AM

I slept next to a rest room, the fort and a bench last night

why?


I have no where to sleep, I tried to get some kind of sleep but it didn't really work that way. My eye lids are heavy

what happened to where you were staying?


I've been on the street since last Friday. Grant turned out to be a dick, and the girl I stayed the night with was just for the night

what about the jobs you went for?


It's a slew steady up hill battle

Slow*

I'm still trying every day

What are you gonna do?


Sleep on the street till I figure it out

What about Lindsey?


There's nothing I can do

She's broke with a broken leg she needs surgery on and they won't do it unless she pays 3000$ up front

Plus she's got family in town

And lives with her brother and grandmother

I'm exhausted though

 

[InsaneCdn]

Miss tired - you may want to start a fresh thread on this forum - just copy your original post into a new thread. You will get more responses that way.

 

[Miss Tired of being tired]

How do I do that?

 

[New Leaf]

hi miss tired, just go back to the forum page, on the top right, before your avatar, there is a "post new thread" button, click on it and "wa-la" there is your own page. keep posting here it is very helpful.
got to go, will write more later.
(((HUGS)))
leafy

 

[Miss Tired of being tired]

I did Thank you very much!

 

[Nancy]

Helpless mom in Tx, don't panic. This happens all the time in rehab. At first I couldn't understand it because what good does that do, they are addicts. If they were angels they wouldn't be there. My daughter broke just about every rule in the rehab with the exception of drugs. They had to write a new rule book because of her, she found ways around all rules. But the one thing they did not ignore was bringing drugs into rehab. It has to be that way, otherwise it would quickly get around that they just accept that behavior.

Can you help find him another rehab? We are lucky in our area because we have quite a few, some run by hospitals but many run by former addicts. It was not uncommon to have someone in rehab that had gotten kicked out of several others. They don't just stop doing drugs and ignore temptations when they first get into rehab. It looks like your son has only been there two weeks, he still has drugs in his system.

Addiction is a stubborn devil, it tries to pull you back in over and over again. We were told that the average addict relapses 7 times before they get the message.

I would be on the phone trying to find another rehab right now. Often the place that he is in will refer you to another, they understand this is common but they still have to enforce the rules. You can refuse to help him and I would never judge that. There is something to be said about holding to what you said. I couldn't do that until after I exhausted all other treatment options. Once she refused any more help she was on her own.

 

[lovemyson1]

Hello Helpless mom in TX, I want to give you support since my son too has the same addiction. Unfortunately, I don't have the answers but I do have the experience to help you if you choose. My son is now sober and doing excellent. But he got there because he was at rock bottom and had no choice but to check in to a home bc his alternative was jail and he was deathly afraid of that. My husband scared him real good and one night, August 26, he got as high as he could (he tells me now that he couldn't even get high) and drove himself to a place called Victory Outreach. Within a week, he was changed. He tells us he broke down and cried an ugly cry (snots and all) and wanted to change. He now is doing great! Victory Outreach is everywhere, so look it up and see if you can take him there. I truly believe in this place and because of it, I have my son, healthy, sober, safe!

 

[Kathy813]

Whatever you do, do not take him back into your home.

This was his last chance and our whole family let him know before he went in that we would no longer enable him and he would be out in the streets if he didn't come back in recovery!

Stick to what you said. He needs to be in recovery or out on the street. Once he finishes the inpatient portion of a rehab program, they will work with him on aftercare. The next step is usually working and living in a halfway/sober house. The goal should be independent sober living.

Addicts thrive on drama and using people. Don't let him do that. Set strong boundaries. Most of us have needed help to set and maintain those boundaries. Private therapy was very helpful for my husband and me. Others have found support groups to be the answer.

Also, keep posting. Those of us in the SA forum have walked in your shoes. You will find incredible support and understanding here.

~Kathy