my house my rules???

[carolanne]

My 17 gfgd has decided she's safe enough to come home for the holidays....after months of telling people she fears for her very exsistance while in our home(her words not mine) I was quick to point out that her father and I will still be here and that the rules still stand....no goth/vampire makeup and garb, no foul language and no sitting on the couch and ignoring the family until you decide that you've been wronged somehow and storm out....she relayed all this to the supervisor of the grouphome she signed herself into and the woman actually had the nerve to call me a few minutes ago and inform me that I had no right to tell my gfgd how to dress,act, etc.

Her manner of dress and makeup scares the crap out of my other younger kids...plus her little habit of staring stonily at them for minutes on end as well as her graphic details of horror movies she has seen.....the girl won't respect my wishes so I told the supervisior she isn't welcomed here....now she has said she will drop her off regardless of my wishes and if Jess returns with any indication of mistreatment..."there will be hell to pay"....her exact words!!!!

I live in ont canada so not sure what legal recourse I have surrounding this....the legal aid/advice office is already closed until next week....anyone have any ideas??

carolanne

 

[witzend]

Your house your rules. She doesn't have to come visit if she doesn't want to. She left home of her own accord, signed herself into a group home of her own accord. She's acting as an adult. Let her deal with it.

If it were me, I'd require a written apology from her before I let her back. by the way, mine did what yours is doing. We held fast. We haven't seen him other than running into him on the street in two years. While in certain ways I do miss him, I don't miss him stomping, screaming, lying, breaking and stealing my things, being dirty and stinky... I could go on and on.

If he ever gets his head out of his hoo-haw, he'll be welcome in our house. For now, he doesn't even bother contacting us. He'll wear out his welcome with the enablers of the world soon enough.

 

[witzend]

by the way, isn't the group home requiring some sort of family counseling in order for her to return home? If you're so dangerous, they should be discouraging her from contact with you. She should also be meeting minimum behavior requirements with them, as well as working towards a home visit through individual, group, and family therapy.

I'd tell that SW where to get off, believe me!

 

[Jen]

wHERE DOES THIS COUNSELOR GET OFF TALKING LIKE THIUS with-O HEARING BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY? nO MATTER WHAT SHE IS UNPROFFESSIONAL, AND SHOULD BE REPORTED AS SUCH.
wHY ISNT SHE STAYING THERE? tHE PLACE CLOSED FOR THE HOLIDAY? hOW CONVENIENT. mY NEPHEWS WERE INTO GOTHIC,BUT NOT IN MY HOME EITHER. IT IS YOUR HOUSE, UNLESS THE COUNSELOR WANTS TO PAY YOUR HOUSE PAYMENTS?

jEN/

 

[carolanne]

I have no contact with the home she is living in right now. What I can do is leave a message wtih a staff member and they will pass it on....if she wants to return the call she can...she's not required to do so....I imagine I will only hear from her when she needs money/personals etc.

Individual counselling isn't offered unless she asks....and they don't involve any of the family.

She signed herself in this home without my knowledge...in fact the psychiatric hospital where she's been for the last four months went behind my back and set it all up....citing safety as the main factor for not involving me.

Not once have we been allowed to defend ourselves....even when she started accusing us of sexual molestation/starvation/mental abuse etc etc etc....they took her at her word and we were dragged through the mud....

Carol-anne

 

[Hound dog]

Well, hmmmmmmm. Seems they must not believe her stories of abuse or she wouldn't be coming for a visit. I'd be asking SW if she doesn't think it neglectful of her to send a child back to an "abusive" home without an investigation?

Sort of really makes ya wonder what sort of person this sw really is, huh?

First thing I'd do is report this sw to her superivisor. The woman has an attitude problem at best.

Your house, your rules. She may drop her off, but that doesn't mean you have to let her inside. If it were me, I might conviently not happen to be home at the time.

I'd be majorly POed.

Sending ((((((hugs))))))

 

[Suz]

I don't know Canadian law so won't venture into that but I find it interesting that your daughter suddenly feels *safe* two days before...gifts....oops, I mean...Christmas. That would irk me no end all by itself!

Suz

 

[DDD]

Is this suppose to be for Christmas Day during the daylight
hours only or is it suppose to be for the weekend? How is
she getting transported to your home?

I know those questions sound strange but if they are going
to drop her off in the AM and pick her up in the evening I
would make sure another adult was present at all times and
just survive it. on the other hand, if "they" have capriciously decided
to let her visit for the weekend it's quite possible that I
would say thanks but no thanks.

One thing for sure is that I would pull out my journal or
start one with the entries of all contact that have just occurred and who said what to whom. Frankly, I would be
afaid not to document, document etc. IF you and husband do not
think it is in the family best interest then "just say No".

Do you live in a community or area where the local police
could be approached, briefed and then counted on to support
your choice if necessary? I assume they understand the "my
house my rules" concept. Sending hugs. DDD

 

[skeeter]

I'm with DDD - in fact, I think I'd insist in the strongest possible language that the group home supply a chaperone for the entire visit. Since that's unlikely to happen, then I'd refuse to let her come home. Don't know the rules, but could you actually get a temporary restraining order?

I'm sorry you have to deal with this now.

 

[KFld]

I agree with the others. Good to see you are sticking to the my house my rules. Sometimes it's hard not to let our guards down, but in this case, I definatley wouldn't.

 

[Sunlight]

my house my rules is my mantra too!

 

[carolanne]

I never thought of a chaperone....great idea. And I reported the sw....it's not the first time this person has has a complaint.

As for giftmas, id she does suddenly appear I will be calling the police to escort her back to the home. I want her to realize that she is no longer running this and if rules in my house are too much for her she can stay away....it's bloody hard to stick to my guns but it's for the safety of the rest of us....

Carolanne

 

[DDD]

Sounds like you have the bases covered. I'm sure sorry it is necessary but you have been forced to protect your home and your family.

I really hope you all just have a great holiday and non of the issues rear their ugly head. Merry Christmas! DDD