Copabanana,Dear Aching Heart
I read your story and indeed it IS heartbreaking and tragic that a person would live as does your daughter, and so many of our children, including my own son. I believe that a basic requirement of all parents is to not permit our children to abuse us. Not only because of what it does to us, but because of what it does to them--whether or not they see it. As I see it, you had no option but to do as you have. She will have to fix herself, if someday she chooses to. There are all kinds of public resources, for people who want to change. I am so very sorry you've been through such a hard time, but happy that you're turning the corner. I hope you keep posting. I've been here over six years now and it still helps me.
I saw your name on another post with Cindy Marie. From 2017. Do you know the end story
To that sad saga? With her daughter and the bad boyfriend??
I read it all thru tonight. And then it just ended. You gave great support thru that.
How are you and how did your son turn out? I’m
Sorry if that’s a bad topic.
I found myself here because I made my daughter leave today and am now remorseful
And worried. She has no resources.
A new boyfriend that she had this week started staying over at his house. (I bet he is shocked-although I did tell
Him if he thought he was gonna start getting the milk And honey from
MY daughter that he should expect
To pay for her livelihood. That’s what adults who
Play adult Do. They payFor their own way so they can have those freedoms to do as they will is my thinking.)
My Daughter and I just had a month long trip to see the country and an island near us. A nice graduation gift. Ended up being miserable. Lots of angry hostile words from
My daughter. Lots of things. Disrespectful to the max.
And nonparticipating In our plans as she was resentful that she was even on this incredible opportunity that we had planned for a very long time well before the boyfriend was ever an idea. But she moped and complained the entire time and made it a very uncomfortable situation with my friends And their family that was hosting us. She has had a new boyfriend for several months. She has become belligerent more than her normal antisocial behavior. She is risk taking and has no impulse control It seems.
I didn’t let her use my car today thay she damaged by scraping thru the metal on 2 entire passenger doors before we went on vacation. I didn’t see it until the night before we were to leave she hid this
From me. She seems to have an awful problem with anyone in authority. She is not living by my expectations as to what I have told her to do in my home. She receives a weekly allowance. She doesn’t have to work but she does have a job. The only thing she is asked to do is to keep her room clean which she does not do and also the kitchen living room and her bathroom because I rarely go in any of these rooms and she trashes them daily. Basically any rules that I have said in the last several years she just continues to ignore and blow by like I’m just sitting there not saying a word. So she obviously doesn’t respect me. I did find out her father had a mental diagnosis before he was a teenager and those records are sealed. He was arrested and had some kind of other incidents. I was not told of any of this until until my daughter was several years old. As she’s gotten older I realize that the same things my ex-husband does and did to me she does as well it’s the same pattern of behavior. I probably left too late in the game but was trying to keep her father as a father figure and to get her older so therefore she could make her choice if she wanted to go to see him as he continuously gaslights whenever you’re around.
So when she was going to pick up her cat she came by the house today and decided she was going to take my car that she damaged which I had told her she could not use and was clear she thought she was just going to do it and I was going to be OK with it. Well she doesn’t drive safe she’s had some warning ticket I am scared to ride with her she is reckless. She thinks it’s OK to go 85 To 90 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I have life 360 and she continues to go well over the posted speed limits and she drives right up on people and she has the severe anger calling people names shooting them birds I mean just basically some really trashy behavior that is not accepted by anyone in my family. She is the last child
Home there was only two the first is very successful lives out of the home no issues are concerned happily married had to get counseling from the stuff that happened at the home with the X but seems to adjusted well. This one has been a fight and I mean a stressful fight for years. I boundaries she blows by them. She has this horrible ungrateful attitude to where she thinks she’s entitled to things and it’s probably because I did give her things I didn’t give her things early she didn’t have a phone at eight she didn’t get one until she was 15 and was here alone at home for five or six hours until I got home so I felt that was safer since we don’t have good service here. She has not been given a car she’s only been allowed to drive mine she only got her license when she was almost 17 as I didn’t feel she was emotionally mature enough nor her hand l eye coordination was well enough to handle a vehicle. She’s has been mad at me for several years but since she has been dating this boy in the last couple of months she’s gotten very mouthy and very much more disrespectful. Says To Control her. She seems to have no remorse for anything she does. She never says she’s sorry and she never corrects the behavior. So today when I didn’t let her have the car and she got upset even more when I told her that if she was going to live like an adult and do adult things with her boyfriend I was not expecting her to continue to stay here if she’s leaving for days at a time and she’s gonna have to take her cat with her because she also doesn’t clean up as well as she should after the cat and her room smells like a dirty cat litter box which to me is very disgusting. We have a clean home and I expect a clean home but that doesn’t mean anything to her so therefore she ignores what I ask her to do. So I’m sitting here right now at 3:52 AM worried about what she’s going to do in life. I had asked her to schedule her orientation and get her classes scheduled back in March she finally did it last night because I told her you start school next they’re going to close registration. I feel like I am going to be the one that causes her to drop at school because I kicked her out. And I can see the writing on the wall for the way that she behaves in for the things that she does. She has a very addictive personality she has very strong genetic risks on both sides of the families for addictions. She is a follower. And she is stated she wants to experiment with drugs because everyone else of her friends is doing it. The last six months I have been very lenient and allowed her to make choices and I know that she comes home after having used marijuana and vaping which I am totally against. But again I have no control as she is 18 years old. I do have control over what happens in my house. I do feel she is remorseful at times but it’s also too proud to
Admit it. We did have an intervention while we were on vacation we called the mental health and made an appointment but because we were out of state and she was going to college in another school system they said to wait and not address it and don’t start any medications until we are back home. She told them I was the only problem she had in her life and everything in her life was wonderful except me. They advised me to use natural consequences and just let things happen if she’s stalling and not ready when we’re ready to go and she’s already been told what time we were going to leave then just walk out the door don’t engage and just go so I did some of these things and it seem to make it better but as soon as we left for home things changed up She is willing to take medications but at this point I don’t know where she is I don’t know what she’s doing I don’t know hell she’s going to survive let alone get back-and-forth to the school for her to possibly try to get through college. I know people are gonna say well she’s 18 she can make her choices and we’ll go on from there but our society does not create our children to be financially responsible adults at 18. 30 years ago yes 18 was OK it was young but it was OK to go out and make a living and make your way. And I just worry about the trauma that I may have caused her by sticking to my guns. I am alone I don’t have big support system as My family is very dysfunctional. So maybe someone out here can say the words that will resonate with me to let me know that i
May have stood up to the right thing or have I caused her to go more towards living a life that will probably take her life.
i just Can’t stand the lies and the disrespect.
I know that was a dump
And maybe not all
The way clear sorry.
I have done interventions prior to this with mental health providers and counseling. She always quits and says she doesn’t need it.