Copa, I am right there with you...just outside of the circle of hope.
I dropped my severe therapist because she was trying to take any shred of hope away from me. She told me that there is nothing more that I could ever do for my son and that he was so far gone, that his prognosis was very poor.
My nicer therapist, while being honest, wants me to have hope. She even let me pick a small rounded rock from several with different words on them. Yes, I picked the one that said hope.
The severe therapist wanted to have me accept that there was no hope left. She implied that there was something sick in me that I would not accept that fate. The kinder therapist, gave me hope, both figuratively and literally. Yes, hope.
At the beginning and end of every NAMI support group, we speak of hope for our troubled family member.
Yes, we are both outside of that circle...for now. But, if we are both outside, we are not alone. There are millions of parents sitting just outside of that circle, trying and moving slowly back towards hope.
We need hope to stay strong to be healthy and present for ourselves, others, and yes, our troubled children.
I agree with having him call the psychiatrist or the social worker. But, I still feel that you need to talk to them first. I am not trying to draw you back in. Here is my concern. Will your son volunteer that information about the fear of an earthquake? Most people do not freely tell someone things that they might be judged by. They need to know this very important piece to the equation.
Without this knowledge, he will not be perceived as having a valid reason to miss his appointment. He will just seem flakey or not caring about missing his appointmenrs.
Their decision at the clinic will follow him to the next one. They will find that he was kicked out for missing his appointments. They might perceive him wrongly. They might be hesitant to allow him into their program.
I wish to G-d that I had insisted on going with my son the one time he went to the doctors. I was using keverage, i.e. bribery, to receive a new computer screen if he went and filled a prescription. We drove 3 towns away. I started to get out of the car. He said that if I went, he would not go. I just sat there. Inside, I was screaming. I told you how it ended. He never discussed his delusions, hallucinations, voices, echoalia, anosognogia...just that he was a 'little' depressed. He filled a prescription for antidepressants. I did not know. I gave him the money for the screen. He lied about taking the pills and soon, threw them away.
When speaking about an adult son, you have to just volunteer information, not ask any specifics about his medical treatment.
But after that, give him the numbers and it is all on him.
My late onset schizophrenic sister has had 5 different medical coverages. She doctor shops and takes drugs that she does not need. They tell her, finally that it is psychological in nature. She is an addict. Her husband od'd. I have called numerous doctors and volunteered information about her. They would stop prescribing pills, and then she is off to a new one. I finally had to step away and stop trying. All of my relatives and her friends think that I am horrible....but I can live with that. I know the truth and tried my best.
Hope is still there. You are tired and sad, like many of us on this site. We will make it through these ordeals. Hope will make it slowly back into your heart. But for now, you have a lot of company sitting just outside of that circle.
We are all here for you. Take care, my dear friend.
