My Son is a Pedophile....

[TerryJ2]

Otto, That is GREAT!!!! I read through the whole thread and am so happy that the therapist responded to you.
I would not have him thrown in jail ... and quite frankly, it's doubtful that he would be, since he has a frontal lobe injury.

"I actually listened to a podcast on This American Life about pedophilia and there was an expert doctor on there who talked with compassion and reason about this subject....SO I WROTE TO HER.
She wrote back this weekend asking if she could share our situation with some colleagues. She also said that he doesn't
sound like a pedophile so much as someone with a degenerative brain disorder which can impact both impulsivity and sexual arousal to young children. Also, rather than putting him in some sort of sex offender treatment (residential or otherwise), it might be better to address the root issue of his seizures and frontal lobe damage – and whatever other neurological issue that might be contributing to his impulsiveness and (possibly) his sexual interest in young boys.

If this shows any promise, we should probably get hooked up with a REALLY good neuro."


Read more: http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/my-son-is-a-pedophile.57971/#ixzz33EgMc0sz

 

[Otto von Bismark]

Here is an update:

We are going ahead and getting more psychological/cognitive testing done, since there were some doubts that the testing we had done a few years ago was actually accurate. It's a long story in a thread I posted on here somewhere.

The new place doing the testing is excellent. Compassionate. Our psychologist shared my son's IEP with the ESE Advocate (that works there full-time!) and she said the IEP is so bad we have a case against the school board. They have no provisions in there for his seizure disorder and the cognitive problems it causes. They also have not contacted us once during the school year and my son is failing five classes. So, we have retained her to go to bat for is. by the way, she said it was one of the worst IEPS she has ever seen and it is tragic for the kid to have to go through his school days being in classes that are too hard for him, taught by teachers who don't know that he has an IEP, with no one giving a thought to his brain disorder.

That's one good thing. Also, the psychologist put us in touch with two clinics a university near us has that offers intensive therapy for kids who need it. They also have a sliding scale, which is great because we are putting things on credit cards at this point.

They also said they wanted to wait until after he turns 16 (three weeks) to finish the IQ portion of the test, because she said it would save us money in the long run, because we can use these test results when he is an adult.

Also, we spoke to the attorney and not only is he amazingly knowledgeable, he has an 18 yr-old son with autism, so he knows the kinds of things we are thinking about

Finally I feel like something is going in our direction. Thanks to you all!

 

[jugey]

So happy to hear you're making some progress. I find that a little hope is all I need to recharge and solder on!

 

[layne]

I am so happy too that you are making progress! What a great mother you are for doing anything and everything you can to save your child and to save others from him. You are working both sides perfectly. It's up to God what happens after all this. However, it looks promising. Hang in there.

 

[TerryJ2]

I agree with-Jugey. Doesn't take much for a re-charge.
Best of luck.

 

[Childofmine]

Otto, I am so glad you are finding some resources and are feeling supported. Keep sharing here, we are reading, and we care about you and your family.

 

[susiestar]

I am so glad that the woman responded and has guided you to more responsible providers for the evaluation, testing and treatment that your son DESERVES.

I will be honest, I am not at ALL sure that you are dealing with a pedophile here. It may present that way due to other factors, but actually be very different. Given the school/IEP/lack of proper diagnosis/treatment situation, I actually will be surprised if your son is a pedophile. I will explain more in a private message to you.

PLEASE have the lawyer and advocates nail the school to the wall over this. in my opinion It is flat out criminal for his school to allow him to be bullied and victimized continually. It is irresponsible for the teachers to not know he has an IEP, and for the IEP to be so awful. MANY schools get away with it because parents don't care, don't realize they can get or improve the IEP, or simply are railroaded with lies. Of course not all schools are like this, but yours sure is. They NEED to lose a boatload of money so that they realize that our children are not just problems to be warehoused until they are adults. EVERY child deserves an education and to be treated like a human being regardless of the challenges the child has and/or presents. I am VERY pro-teacher, but I am not always proud of every teacher or school. I know too many incredible, excellent teachers to have respect for ones who don't even bother to find out if their students have IEPs. And I know how demanding a teacher's life is - I am the daughter of 2 off them and lived through it.

I do think you are being very responsible to other children, and that is truly wonderful. I know a number of parents who flat out refuse to even discuss the problems if their child is being sexually inappropriate or aggressive to others.

 

[susiestar]

I have to run but will PM you later!

 

[TerryJ2]

I agree with-Susiestar.

 

[Otto von Bismark]

Thank you, you.....you....amazing people. I will keep you posted. Seeing the attorney next week just so we can be proactive. We get results of testing on July 14th. The psychologist doing the testing has recommended two therapy options for us at a university near us. Regular therapists just aren't cutting it.

Just so you know, we are pro-teacher, too My husband was one for several years, in another state. He can't believe how awful things are where we live. Here's an example just so you know:
My son had a teacher who was inappropriate in the classroom... she told a kid to go kill himself, she makes fun of the deaf kids (my son's school is a deaf and hard of hearing cluster school), she makes fun of the Special Education kids, she dropped the F bomb regularly, and told the kids how to pass a drug test by doing a "niacin flush." She also gave a girl with an IEP the nickname "Saf" (Slow As F%ck). It was bad so I called the school and reported it. I heard nothing for over a week, then she called me out of the blue, and lied about who she was...she told me she was someone else from her department calling to following up on my complaint, when really she was just fishing for information about what my son had told me went on in class. When I called her on her lies, she admitted who she was, then out of the blue, my son, who is failing nearly every class, starting making straight As in her class. He got an A on the final and an A in the course. Hmmm......

I saved all of my email communications with everyone at that school. Very clear pattern of no one answering any of my emails. Absurd.

I have not been on the forum because I developed a second autoimmune disease, and have had flairs of both of them, and have been quite ill. I will try to log on every few days, because this is a good place to be. You guys are very good folks.

 

[TerryJ2]

OMG, I can't believe she is still there! I would go WAY over her head! How awful.

I am so sorry about your new autoimmune disease. I hope you are finding time to take care of yourself. Not easy when you're under stress, I know. Stress can trigger pretty much anything. Take care. And update us, please, on the results of the July 14 testing.

 

[jugey]

Jeesh!!! The world is going totally mad! So hard to believe that a teacher like that exists and gets away with that crap! Despicable!!!

Take care Otto!! Remember to breath deep. Don't let them get the best of you!

 

[4Loopy]

Otto, my son also has aspergers and said he has thoughts of young children...no luck with girls his own age and a failed relationship with a boy his age.... Just figured out this theme is not going away as found many pictures a year or two ago... My son also is impulsive and am freaking out about this and also feel like a failure.... Need someone to talk to about it cause it is just so horrible

 

[TerryJ2]

Otto, I feel for you and your son. My heart goes out to both of you. Having said that, I doubt that the police would actually arrest him and take him in. It's a first offense, even if it is child porn, and your son is impaired. Asperger's AND cleft palate AND seizures? He does not belong in a jail.
I am so glad that you thought to contact the dr on that podcast. I hope that pans out for you.
30 doctors turned you down? Holy cow! That's a world's record! The good part of it is that they would not have been competent to help you and at best, would have wasted your money.
Keep working on getting help for your son. At 16, he probably has the emotional intelligence of a 12-yr-old. There is still time.
In the meantime, read him the riot act about sex and children. Surely, he wants to do good and be good. He will understand at some level how harmful it is to exploit children. Work on the guilt aspect.
Also, you said he's hard to punish because nothing affects him. I beg to differ. He is accessing images somehow, so that type of electronic tool needs to be taken away. Figure out how to block certain sites. Also, he's got a high working level of intelligence if he can figure out how to sneak around like he has.
{{hugs}}

 

[Otto von Bismark]

Hi to all of you amazing people. I just re-read this thread and was so heartened by your kindness. We have had quite a go of it lately, and I will post an update, but I wanted to let people know I am back. Had some medical issues of my own, so have been off all forums and such for a long time. I need to stay connected to you all, as you are knowledgeable and wise and kind. Sorry I've been gone so long. I will catch up on the forum and see what is going on.

 

[Searching for answers]

First of all I want to thank you for your honesty and coming forward. There isn't a lot on how to deal with your kid being a sexual predator. I am currently lost myself. My son who just turned 16 is sitting a facility to deal with teenage boys with sexual issues. Back in November my son (who has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), ptsd, adhd and impulse control) was found sexually molesting his 10 year old sister. It has been going on for 5 years. My kids were in weekly counseling for 2 1/2 years. I also had mental health socail workers in my house once a month. I am a single parent but my kids have to many issues so I don't date. I never left them home alone. When I found out that my son was molesting my daughter I was in the kitchen cooking dinner. I am fusterated because the facility my son is at is talking about reunification. Is it possible to keep your kid from reoffending? What measures would you take off the victim is still in the home.

 

[BusynMember]

My son was adopted at 11 and molested my littles for three years. We never thought it was safe to bring him home and also the littles also had extreme fear of him. We undid the adoption and never saw him again after we found out.

The County pressed charges against him because the littles were six years younger than him so he was tried and found guilty and had to sign u as a sex offender. In the children's residence he was sent to he tried to offend again.

It is your choice really. We felt for us it was best to heal with the youngest kids knowing he would not be back. But this is very personal. We all do what we feel is best.