My son is dead.

[runawaybunny]

My dear friends, thank you all so much for your support and sympathy. You have never failed to understand and help me and I could never have survived this horrendous journey without you all. The site and all its warriors was my inspiration to keep going, knowing that there were so many others walking this surreal and painful path.

Right now, I think I am on auto pilot. I'm still on "vacation" here in my home country (England) and have booked a flight today to Vegas for Thursday, where I will meet my ex and my younger son. We will drive to San Diego and claim Aaron's body.

The idea that we have to make decisions about his cremation,etc, is abhorrent to me. I know that the worst part will be going to the morgue a d seeing him dead. My beautiful lost boy.

But I am also not trying to Canonise him. I loved him so much, but he caused me unrelenting pain and was continuing to spiral down so fast that I felt his death was inevitable. I think I have been grieving this loss for a while now. Unless I'm in a state of disbelief?

I guess I don't know what to think. I feel like I will not be able to feel joy for a long time.

However this works, I must thank you all again. Prayers and love to all who are on this most agonizing and mystifying of journeys.

Rest In Peace, Aaron Thomas, in the peace that eluded you in life.

Much love to you all,
Annemarie

I am so sorry for what you and every one of your loved ones have gone through and the tragedy you are suffering through now.

:::gentle hugs:::

 

[Tanya M]

I will continue to hold you in my prayers. Allow yourself the time to grieve, lean into the pain. The pain we feel is a testimony to the love we hold in our hearts. Be good to yourself and know that you did all you could for your son. May he now find peace and rest.
((HUGS)) to you sweet lady.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

When we believed we were losing our daughter, when I truly believed it was over and that I knew how the story ended...what I remembered was her laughter. The stress and ugliness fell away and what I remembered was how very much I loved her, and what a gift it had been to have had her in my life. And that comforted and changed me. We did not lose her. Somehow, we did not lose her. Warm, gentle hugs, blackgnat. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy.

Cedar

 

[AnnieO]

Dear heart... many gentle hugs. Losing a child is the most unimaginable pain, no matter what has happened.

 

[Lost in sadness]

My heart and soul hurts for you. I am so so sorry for your loss.

 

[Albatross]

Annemarie, I am so glad you stopped by to let us know how you are, and I hope you will continue to do so. Many hugs and thoughts of love and strength to you, your ex and your youngest as you make this difficult last journey to bring Aaron home.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Annemarie, thank you for checking in with us.

My heart is with you on this journey, as always......sending you love and prayers.......warm and gentle hugs coming your way.....

Rest in peace Aaron Thomas.

 

[toughlovin]

Oh Annemarie, I am so so sorry. I just logged in and saw this. I am thinking about you and your family. No parent should have to go through what you are going through .

 

[BusynMember]

Dear Lord,
Take this mothers beoved child, Aaran Thomas, and hold him in Your arms so he can be at peace. Help his family heal as much as possible and fill them with the strength they will need.
Bless all of our children.

Amen

 

[SuperG]

Heartbroken for you Incredibly sorry for your loss

 

[Verydistressedmomofodd]

May he Rest In Peace and be in no pain any longer. I'm so sorry words aren't enough to express concerns and prayers and love your way

 

[JKF]

Omg! I've been off board for a couple of weeks and am just seeing this now! My deepest condolences to you and your family Annemarie! My heart is breaking for you!

 

[pigless in VA]

Annemarie,

I understand your comment about already partially grieving the loss. I felt that way about husband. Somehow you learn to shield yourself from the pain that this person whom you love so dearly keeps inflicting upon you. Those emotional steps backward are part of the grieving process. When the person passes, it feels differently from a raw loss of someone who is emotionally close to you. You will still continue the grief journey, but you are further along the path than you would have been.

Sending you extra strength ~~~~~~~~~~

 

[AppleCori]

We are thinking of you, Annmarie.

 

[Maisy]

My deepest sorrow for your loss but I will leave you with a favorite part from an Emerson Lake and Palmer song.
So be closer to believing though your world is torn apart for a moment changes all things and to end is but to start. May your journey be rewarded and your God lift up your heart. For you are windblown, but your are mine.

 

[tishthedish]

God bless and keep you and your family, Annemarie. And God bless your beloved Aaron.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Thinking of you Annemarie.......sending love and hugs.........and prayers.......

 

[Kathy813]

I just saw this. I am so sorry, BG.

 

[nlj]

So saddened to log on just now and to read this.
You'll be in my thoughts.
Know that we are all surrounding you as you face the future.
LucyJ x

 

[Snow White]

Annemarie, I have been away from the site for a while and was devastated to read about the passing of your son, Aaron. This is a parent's most feared event and even though we try to prepare ourselves for it, we are never prepared. I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers and hugs to you and your family.

“Friends are pillars on your porch. Sometimes they hold you up, sometimes they lean on you, and sometimes it’s just enough to know that they are standing by.”
- Elizabeth Foley