My dear friends, thank you all so much for your support and sympathy. You have never failed to understand and help me and I could never have survived this horrendous journey without you all. The site and all its warriors was my inspiration to keep going, knowing that there were so many others walking this surreal and painful path.
Right now, I think I am on auto pilot. I'm still on "vacation" here in my home country (England) and have booked a flight today to Vegas for Thursday, where I will meet my ex and my younger son. We will drive to San Diego and claim Aaron's body.
The idea that we have to make decisions about his cremation,etc, is abhorrent to me. I know that the worst part will be going to the morgue a d seeing him dead. My beautiful lost boy.
But I am also not trying to Canonise him. I loved him so much, but he caused me unrelenting pain and was continuing to spiral down so fast that I felt his death was inevitable. I think I have been grieving this loss for a while now. Unless I'm in a state of disbelief?
I guess I don't know what to think. I feel like I will not be able to feel joy for a long time.
However this works, I must thank you all again. Prayers and love to all who are on this most agonizing and mystifying of journeys.
Rest In Peace, Aaron Thomas, in the peace that eluded you in life.
Much love to you all,
Annemarie