Lil
Well-Known Member
Hello February. I'm so sorry you find yourself needing to be with us - but this is a wonderful, caring place for parents like us.
It struck me I could have written these words - except for the age. You see, we put our son out at 19. I have no real wisdom, but thought it might do you good to hear other's stories. Our son also was laying about, sleeping all day, smoking pot, stealing from us. Stealing was the final straw. His mood swings and tantrum were bad enough, but we would not be stole from for any reason. And he had no reason! He's been caught once before and we gave him a second chance. We let him come home and even gave him allowance. I believe the last time he'd even been working. There was no reason for it.
So...we put out our 19 year old child. He lived in our small city's homeless shelter for a time. We did continue to help him a bit, buying food, giving bus passes. He got a night job so we rented him an apartment. He never made a payment and we paid the whole 6 months and he quit or lost his job immediately. He couch surfed. He got in trouble. He left town and hitch-hiked across the state with a girlfriend. He mooched off relatives. He got kicked out. He finally got a job and an apartment back here and after a fire in his building we let him come back again, short-term. Through it all, we continued to help. Buying groceries, giving rides, giving small amounts of cash, getting a few bus passes, etc.
After he finally had enough money for an apartment - we'd made it CLEAR he had to save up and we wanted him back out again in a few months - for various reasons, he instead moved to Colorado to be homeless there. I still occasionally helped him out with money...but in the end, I stopped providing ANY support, he met a girl who gave him a hand and a place to stay, but he's now working, paying rent and getting married! AFTER I quit giving him a hand, THAT'S when he got his act together.
My son never had a car. I felt bad about that, but he wouldn't have paid the insurance or license or have money for gas anyway. He found food. There are food pantries and soup kitchens and homeless shelters. My son survived and was much, much younger than yours. Your son will survive this and with any luck realize how darn good he had it.
36 is darn near middle-aged. He HAS to get a life. You will not always be able to support him and he needs to learn to stand on his own. I know how hard it is to take a step back and let these things unfold...but that's the right thing to do.
It struck me I could have written these words - except for the age. You see, we put our son out at 19. I have no real wisdom, but thought it might do you good to hear other's stories. Our son also was laying about, sleeping all day, smoking pot, stealing from us. Stealing was the final straw. His mood swings and tantrum were bad enough, but we would not be stole from for any reason. And he had no reason! He's been caught once before and we gave him a second chance. We let him come home and even gave him allowance. I believe the last time he'd even been working. There was no reason for it.
So...we put out our 19 year old child. He lived in our small city's homeless shelter for a time. We did continue to help him a bit, buying food, giving bus passes. He got a night job so we rented him an apartment. He never made a payment and we paid the whole 6 months and he quit or lost his job immediately. He couch surfed. He got in trouble. He left town and hitch-hiked across the state with a girlfriend. He mooched off relatives. He got kicked out. He finally got a job and an apartment back here and after a fire in his building we let him come back again, short-term. Through it all, we continued to help. Buying groceries, giving rides, giving small amounts of cash, getting a few bus passes, etc.
After he finally had enough money for an apartment - we'd made it CLEAR he had to save up and we wanted him back out again in a few months - for various reasons, he instead moved to Colorado to be homeless there. I still occasionally helped him out with money...but in the end, I stopped providing ANY support, he met a girl who gave him a hand and a place to stay, but he's now working, paying rent and getting married! AFTER I quit giving him a hand, THAT'S when he got his act together.
My son never had a car. I felt bad about that, but he wouldn't have paid the insurance or license or have money for gas anyway. He found food. There are food pantries and soup kitchens and homeless shelters. My son survived and was much, much younger than yours. Your son will survive this and with any luck realize how darn good he had it.
36 is darn near middle-aged. He HAS to get a life. You will not always be able to support him and he needs to learn to stand on his own. I know how hard it is to take a step back and let these things unfold...but that's the right thing to do.
