My teen is dealing drugs!

[DDD]

Just checking in to see how you are doing. Yep, most of us know what you are feeling and fearing. We are ready to be your support team....any time. I can't tell you how much each of us wish it could be a easy parenting a user or a dealer, sigh! I guarantee you that we love our S.A.'s with all our heart too. It's sad but remember you are not alone. Hugs DDD

 

[susiestar]

Greenegal, welcome. You are getting played. She has ZERO right to be angry that you read her fb or texts or anything else. she is bringing sh(* into YOUR HOME, you are NOT bringing it into her world. That ALONE makes all her 'rights' to privacy in your home VOID. You cannot bring dangerous illegal things into someone's home and then blame them if htey learn about them. That is total nonsense.

Are you aware that if one person other than your daughter knows she is selling drugs, then an entire WORLD knows? Do you know that if the law becomes aware that you know she is sellign drugs and you ALLOW it to happen in your home that they can SIEZE your home? Or any other property you have? ALL that you have worked for could be GONE if the cops raid your home and can show you knew she was selling and didn't stop it? i actually know a parent who lost her home, two cars, a lake property and a lot of money because she let her drug dealing son live at home while he went to school and she let him go stay at her lake property and drive her cars etc.... She got zero money from her son, but her property was used in furtherance of his drug dealing so they seized ALL of it. She had huge legal bills, fighting it got her nothing but those bills, and she lost every single thing. She lost her JOB because she was a teacher and she allowed her property to be used in furtherance of a conspiracy to deal drugs.

You have more to worry about than if she lives at home. She is putting you in danger l egally, financially and careerwise. She is also putting you at HUGE physical danger.

HOW?

WHo gets ripped off the most? Drug dealers. People will go and rob them thinking they have lots of drugs at home and the robbers don't CARE if you are her mom, if you don'tknow, if you are there, nothing. YOU are at risk of being hurt, being RAPED by someone trying to force you to tell them where the drugs are or who is too high to care what they are doing, or to be KILLED by someone ho wants to rob her.

I know you want to save her. You cannot do that if you allow her to run drugs through your home. The ONLY way to stop is to draw a firm line and be safe yourself. you cannot help her until YOU are safe first.

By now someone unsavory knows she is dealing. You are in danger. She is a legal adult. If she won't stop dealing, make her leave and fend for herself. She has NO future if she does not stop dealing. i can guarantee you that my kids won't bring that sh(* into my home because they KNOW, deep down in their bones, that I will call the cops on them myself. My husband would be furious with me, but he would get over it too. I won't have anyone bring that risk into my home, regardless of how my heart would break to have to turn them in. Sure, I would give them a chance to stop. ONE. After which they would have NO privacy for several YEARS in my home or property.

Quit worrying about her being upset and start worrying about being attacked by people looking for the drugs she is selling. Worry about your safety and your legal status if it is learned that you did not stop her. You cannot really stop her dealing, but you CAN stop her from using your home, vehicles, or property to do it. If she is hungry, homeless, etc... she could stop that in a heartbeat by coming to you clean, sober and not dealing, and she will KNOW this. but as long as she is dealing, you NEED to have her live elsewhere and you NEED to go to meetings.

as long as you are taking steps to stop it, your job should be safe. Meetings count. Which would upset you more, someone invading your home to take her drugs and hurt you/her/anything there or someone knowing you go to parent meetings for sub abuse? If the answer is the meetings, your priorities are a mess. Meetings will help both you AND your daughter and are crucial. NOne of us is immune to sub abuse and if ONE member of a family is abusing something, the entire family has a problem and needs help. I have and do walk that walk. I invite you to walk it also. You won't be the only teacher in meetings.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I have to agree with Susiestar. My daughter told me horror stories of when she was selling. She was kidnapped and held against her will. She had a childhood friend break in and try to rob her - she had to hit him on the head with an object because he was high and out of his mind. She had a SWAT team come down on her and an associate at a McDonald's. She lost money and had bad people after her for it. No joke. This is serious stuff she is in to.

Oh, and yeah, my daughter got all upset with me when I found her meth pipe loaded with meth in it in her bedroom and gave her that ultimatum. How dare I go through HER things?? Ha - my house - no privacy here babe. She can have privacy when she is paying the mortgage.

I know I sound like it is much easier to handle than it is. It is not. I do remember the sheer hades we went through. I have cried so many tears, so many sleepness nights, checking her phone records incessantly, the fear, the embarassment - the terror. It was awful. This group is really what really carried me through. But you have to be strong momma, or you are NOT doing her any favors. And to be strong, you are going to need support. Please keep coming back - we are all for you!

 

[toughlovin]

Greengal....let us know how you are doing! I am concerned about you.

TL


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[DDD]

Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you this morning and hoping that you are feeling strong. Hugs DDD

 

[diana71]

Greenegal, you sound like me when I was in denial. I would catch my son using or selling and he would promise he would stop and he would for maybe a week and then he was right back at it. He had all sorts of thugs come into our home and I have had so many things stolen from us it isn't even funny. Most of the time I think it was my son doing the stealing but some things I think were his "friends". I was scared to confront my son for years. He is a very large man, he is 6'4" and 260 lbs. When I would confront him he would go into rages and break things and punch holes in walls so I stopped confronting him. I convinced myself he would change on his own. Last week I found needles and found out he was doing heroin. Never in my life would I have thought he would be like this. He wasn't raised this way. There is no shame in having a child with a disease. You have to think of it that way, as a disease. If your daughter had cancer and was refusing to go get treatment would you not step in? You would! So you have to now! I finally kicked my son out just this past Tuesday. It was very hard to do but it is my last hope. You can do an intervention. I had one all set up for my son but we were not going to use an interventionist because they cost around $3,000.00 here and I just can't afford that. But I had the hospital all set up, they already had the insurance verified and had all his information. He had agreed to go so I cancelled the intervention but when it was time to take him he backed out and I had to kick him out. He has to hit rock bottom and I just pray every day that time comes soon before it is too late. I know you are scared. Call a rehab in your area and speak to someone. They are very helpful. They can give you numbers to interventionists if you want to use one but you can do an intervention by yourself. If you don't think you are strong enough to confront her pick another family member or friend that will be there and have them do it. I Googled how to do an intervention and found all sorts of sights on how to go about it. It was very helpful. She knows you are scared of her. You have to be strong and keep telling yourself this is a DISEASE and her health and safety is more important than if she gets mad at you or if it is embarrassing if people find out. Thoughts and prayers are with you. I wouldn't wish this nightmare on anyone.

 

[helpangel]

I came late to the conversation and I'm not sure if you are in the USA but if you are you need to understand how Ricco Act works if she gets busted selling drugs out of your house the government can seize every asset you own; claiming all of it is proceeds of drug sales... your house, car, bank account, jewelry all of it.

My friend and her husband rented a room in basement to a guy who was using a beeper & dealing out of her house without her knowledge. She was woke up one night by cops who pulled her out of bed buck naked and threw her face first on the floor; she had to lay there naked while cops literally tore her house to pieces doing their search. Had the guy in the basement not fessed up that the homeowners were clueless to what he was doing they would have lost their house. It still came close to that and they lost a lot to damages.

This is more then just giving her a safe place and time to learn from her mistakes; eyes wide open you could lose everything you got!

Nancy

 

[comatheart]

Wow Nancy! Thanks for sharing that.

 

[Childofmine]

We get to where we are today one day at a time in dealing with our drug-addicted adult children. Listening to the multiple people on this thread saying the same thing because they have been right where you are and loved their kids as much as you love your precious daughter will help you avoid years of insanity and maybe will even save your daughter life. Addiction is so cunning and baffling. We are asked to do as parents the opposite of what comes naturally to help save our kids lives. But we---like them---resist for a long long time because we think we are different and our situations are different. They are not. My son is a 24 year old drug addict and drug dealer. We have all finally quit enabling him (we hope. It is a daily effort and sometimes we relapse). Today he is in jail. He went to court this past Thursday. Again. Probation violation. This time none of us went. For the first time we did not go. We don't know the outcome. We are learning to live with this dreadful not knowing in order to stay out of the way and let him deal with his own life. Believe me we have been around the world with him and have looked into the face of he// over the past four+ years. He has been hard all his life but the real bad stuff became visible To us just four years ago. We have tried it all. Everything. Nothing worked and he just keeps getting worse. Alanon has saved my sanity. Today most of the time I have a great life regardless. I have let him go but I have to work hard to keep him let go. I get confused sometimes. One tool that really helps me is letting all unknown calls go to voice mail and also writing down what I Want to say and sticking to that NO MATTER WHAT. He is always 10 steps ahead of me. He is just thinking of how to get what he wants and I am feeling how much I love him and how scared I am for him when we are talking. I am no match for him. Please work at learning how to focus on yourself instead of her anyway you can. Alanon is a tremendous help in learning how to detach with love. You have to go, read the literature, get a Sponsor and work the steps in order to make progress because this is so very hard. The alternative is a completely insane life and I believe nails in my sons coffin nailed in by me. I have come to that belief over time and through lots of hard work, listening to others and my own experience. God is good. He loves out kids more than we do. If we can get out of the way He can work. I am praying for you today and for us all.


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