My worst nightmare has happened

[OnBehalfOfGFGs]

Hey- I am so glad that you found this forum. It has been such a wonderful help for me. Although our problems are different, we all have one thing in common -we are trying to find some stability for ourselves in the face of problems with our children.

I know your daughter is probably not going to listen to you right now about much of anything, but if there is a pregnancy help center where she lives, they will provide not only material things to help her such as clothing etc. but also counseling about choices facing her, and one of those very positive choices is adoption. I have done volunteer work for our local pregnancy help center, and adoption can be the greatest blessing for a child if the birthmother is unable to take care of the baby. Many people say that having a child can turn a person around, and I do not doubt this. But I have also witnessed really bad situations for children who are being raised by someone with zero parenting skills and zero resources. But whatever a young woman chooses, she will find great support at a pregnancy help center.

There is lots of excellent advice on this forum and I want you to know you're not alone -that we all are dealing with nightmarish scenarios with our kids. Stay strong!

My parents only have two kids with eachother. My sister is my mothers d

OnBehal,
You said on your own post that your parents only have two kids, you and your brother. Now you have a sister? which is it?

My parents only have me and my brother together. My sister is my mothers daughter. I dont mean any harm when I say it but sometimes I forget to indlude her because I didnt really grow up with her in my family's life. She grew up with her Dad and stepmom and is 8 years older than me.

 

[Sabine]

Sad in the South...

It actually sounds like you're actively creating much of your current stress. Your daughter is working, so you visit her at her workplace. You're checking on facebook for updates.

My impression is your daughter is trying to go out and do her own thing, and you (being the concerned parent) are keeping tabs and worrying.

The best thing you can do right now is to write down the one helpful thing you can do, do that, then just let it all go.

The one thing? Get the phone # and address of your local social services office. Tell your daughter the information. Now you're done.

Social services will help her find all the programs that she might need or want. Food stamps, Wic, temporary cash assistance, drug and alcohol treatment, INSURANCE for pregnant women and children, local pregnancy support centers, etc.

Your daughter is an adult now, and it's up to her to find the help she needs. Keep all other contact with her to a recreational (not work) level. If you schedule a day once a month to contact her for a good time (both before and after the baby is born), then you'll find that you can just settle back and be a grandma without the daily fret.

Your daughter should be free to contact YOU other days, but if she starts begging money or favors that you're unprepared to provide, put a stop to it right away. "Just say no" is a wonderful slogan for strained grandparents Just steer her back to social services.

Social services is not a place to be embarrassed about. Quite the contrary. Their programs are designed to help adults (of all ages, but particularly the young ones) make the transition from a cared-for lifestyle (mommy and daddy take care of me), to an independent lifestyle (I can take care of myself).

If the programs weren't there, it would result in much greater costs to society. People that are hungry will be desperate. They might resort to major crimes to get the food they need. No one would be safe. Children would go to bed hungry and suffering.

The programs are there to alleviate the burden to YOU, the parents of adult children. Your time/energy is needed to be spent preparing yourself for retirement, NOT raising the next generation.

Say it to yourself: Raising grandchildren is not my job. Make it your mantra. Grandchildren can be a joy, if you let them

Good luck!

 

[recoveringenabler]

Just so you are aware, the original poster and the original responses are from June of last year, this is an old post.

 

[Sabine]

Thanks for the heads up

Wonder if there's a baby by now?