Need Advice Fast
- Thread starter Mikey
- Start date
meowbunny
New Member
Damn, damn, damn! I am so sorry. You truly don't deserve this. Ultimately, no one in your family deserves this mess, not even McWeedy. I hope and pray that the outcome is that the doctor forces the hospitalization.
Quite honestly, I would dearly love to come to your house and just shake your wife, find a way to get her to see she is not helping her son. (Better yet send BBK and someone who has lost their son or daughter to drugs because of the "eyes closed shut" syndrome.) I hope she truly opens her eyes before it is too late.
For you, just HUGS.
Quite honestly, I would dearly love to come to your house and just shake your wife, find a way to get her to see she is not helping her son. (Better yet send BBK and someone who has lost their son or daughter to drugs because of the "eyes closed shut" syndrome.) I hope she truly opens her eyes before it is too late.
For you, just HUGS.
Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Whether or not the threat is real, present or past, it remains obvious that McW is unable to process his choices about his life. Sure some of it is teen angst, but most of it is brain damage due to his drug use. He's overreacting and feeling like a victim. He is unable to face reality. He is going to need outside intervention in any event if there is to be any hope of being a well-adjusted human being. </div></div>
I've never heard a better description.
Mikey
I've never heard a better description.
Mikey
Ephchap
Active Member
Okay, this is not going to be a popular reply, but I feel it needs to be said.
Mikey, you post for ideas, etc., only to be told the same thing over and over (and get FAR more responses than anyone else, by the way, although you rarely post to anyone else) and yet, come back to say that you can't override wife's decision, or your can't hurt your daughter's feelings, etc. on every issue - whether it be not putting up with drugging or something like suicidal thoughts or writings.
Suicide is not something to be taken lightly. Could you son have been writing it on a bad day? Sure. The shooters at Columbine could have just as well been having a bad day as well.
My point is that you asked, and most of us answered the same way - take him immediately or have him taken. This was not a time to have a family meeting over feelings or viewpoints. Suicide is not something that waits while your wife asks him to come home to talk.
Sorry, but I don't get it. I hope for your family's sake that all is well, but this just makes me shake my head.
Deb
Mikey, you post for ideas, etc., only to be told the same thing over and over (and get FAR more responses than anyone else, by the way, although you rarely post to anyone else) and yet, come back to say that you can't override wife's decision, or your can't hurt your daughter's feelings, etc. on every issue - whether it be not putting up with drugging or something like suicidal thoughts or writings.
Suicide is not something to be taken lightly. Could you son have been writing it on a bad day? Sure. The shooters at Columbine could have just as well been having a bad day as well.
My point is that you asked, and most of us answered the same way - take him immediately or have him taken. This was not a time to have a family meeting over feelings or viewpoints. Suicide is not something that waits while your wife asks him to come home to talk.
Sorry, but I don't get it. I hope for your family's sake that all is well, but this just makes me shake my head.
Deb
Terryforvols
Member
Mikey:
I, too, wish I could shake your wife. My husband and I wasted so much time not being on the same page, meanwhile difficult child merrily manipulated her way for 5 years, using us against each other. We almost lost her not once, but twice. I tend to agree somewhat with Deb's comment, you have to stop worrying what wife will do regarding you in the future. Your son is sinking deeper and deeper and you both are just standing by watching, even though you do seem to want to take charge. Having been there done that, he needs treatment, especially with the suicide issue. How you can do that in your situation, I don't know, but I would just stop worrying about him hating you, wife hating you, etc. He may not be around in the future to hate you if he continues down his same road.
I wish the very best for you and your family. I KNOW it's a horrible situation, but until he is forced into life on the street or forced into treatment (which he may/may not respond to), NOTHING will ever change in your house. wife is not living in reality, her mom heart seems to be stuck in thinking that it will all be OK, it's a stage, she can control the situation, etc. It's a hard fact to accept that your child is an addict and sinking deeper and deeper into drugs.
My prayers are with you.
I, too, wish I could shake your wife. My husband and I wasted so much time not being on the same page, meanwhile difficult child merrily manipulated her way for 5 years, using us against each other. We almost lost her not once, but twice. I tend to agree somewhat with Deb's comment, you have to stop worrying what wife will do regarding you in the future. Your son is sinking deeper and deeper and you both are just standing by watching, even though you do seem to want to take charge. Having been there done that, he needs treatment, especially with the suicide issue. How you can do that in your situation, I don't know, but I would just stop worrying about him hating you, wife hating you, etc. He may not be around in the future to hate you if he continues down his same road.
I wish the very best for you and your family. I KNOW it's a horrible situation, but until he is forced into life on the street or forced into treatment (which he may/may not respond to), NOTHING will ever change in your house. wife is not living in reality, her mom heart seems to be stuck in thinking that it will all be OK, it's a stage, she can control the situation, etc. It's a hard fact to accept that your child is an addict and sinking deeper and deeper into drugs.
My prayers are with you.
F
flutterbee
Guest
I don't see why wife and you have to be on the same page to get a court order. You present the evidence and the judge makes the decision, correct? You have the doctor from the study talk to the judge. wife could be overruled.
He needs help. You know this. We know this. That wife doesn't know this is unfortunate. However, this is a prime opportunity to get McWeedy the help he needs. I'll be damned if I let anyone come between me and and my kid if he's suicidal.
He may have had that thought that one time. Or it may be an excuse. In any case, he had it once. He could have it again. What if next time because he's out of his mind on drugs or in despair, he follows through?
It seems to me you are trying to please too many people. Ultimately, you alone have to live with your choices. Could you live with yourself if McWeedy takes his life knowing that you may have been able to prevent it? Could you live with wife knowing you allowed her to stop you from helping your son?
He needs help. You know this. We know this. That wife doesn't know this is unfortunate. However, this is a prime opportunity to get McWeedy the help he needs. I'll be damned if I let anyone come between me and and my kid if he's suicidal.
He may have had that thought that one time. Or it may be an excuse. In any case, he had it once. He could have it again. What if next time because he's out of his mind on drugs or in despair, he follows through?
It seems to me you are trying to please too many people. Ultimately, you alone have to live with your choices. Could you live with yourself if McWeedy takes his life knowing that you may have been able to prevent it? Could you live with wife knowing you allowed her to stop you from helping your son?
Ephchap
Active Member
I'm not sure what a court order that some have mentioned is needed for. I know that with us for my son (who was a minor under 18 at the time) and for my brother (who was 56 at the time), you only have to mention the words threatened or wrote about suicide, and it's a done deal. They will come and get him and the hospital will admit him.
Deb
Deb
F
flutterbee
Guest
I *think* that the hospital will involuntarily admit him, but after 72 hours if they want to keep him they do have to get a court order. At that time they present their case and the patient is entitled to an attorney (I believe) to fight it.
Laws vary by state.
Laws vary by state.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I think you should forget about wife right now--she isn't thinking straight. Dancer is a minor child who doesn't get it. I wouldn't even give her consideration. Help your son before it's too late. That will save everyone grief in the long run. I'm sorry your wife and daughter don't get it, but this isn't about them. If they make you leave, sounds like you're alone already anyways. Dancer will come back to you eventually. wife--I'm angry at her--not at all sure she deserves you or to be a mother at all. My guess is your kid is in deeper than just pot. I hope you get the courage to go against them. The advice you're getting is solid, but you won't take it. It's frustrating (no offense meant).
goldenguru
Active Member
Deb - you hit the nail on the head.
Given what the doctors have said, his past struggles and the evidence of his suicide note they would give that court order with or without your wife's approval.
Mikey - about 4 years ago we made the gut wrenching decision to place our daughter over 2000 miles away in a therapeutic boarding school. My daughter went kicking and screaming ... literally ... through the airports. She kicked and screamed almost the entire time she was there.
As her mother, I was not necessarily on board with the decision. I had serious misgivings. It is against everything in a mothers heart to commit a child. But, my husband - God bless him - was steadfast in doing the hard, but correct thing for my daughter.
I used to BEG to bring her home. On occasion he experienced my wrath. I even blamed him a time or two. It was a HUGE load for him to carry. I can't imagine what he endured in making this tough decision.
Fast forward four years. I now realize it was the best possible solution to a terrible set of circumstances. She needed to be institutionalized. For a long time.
My husband went against my daughters pleas, my pleas, and did the right thing.
He had to step up to the plate and make a decision that I was incapable of making ... because I'm a mom and am driven by emotions.
I am pleading with you to do the hard thing. Even in the face of disapproval from your wife, your daughter and your difficult child. Suicidal ideation is nothing to 'negotiate'.
Keeping your son alive is paramount to keeping the peace at home.
in my humble opinion.
Given what the doctors have said, his past struggles and the evidence of his suicide note they would give that court order with or without your wife's approval.
Mikey - about 4 years ago we made the gut wrenching decision to place our daughter over 2000 miles away in a therapeutic boarding school. My daughter went kicking and screaming ... literally ... through the airports. She kicked and screamed almost the entire time she was there.
As her mother, I was not necessarily on board with the decision. I had serious misgivings. It is against everything in a mothers heart to commit a child. But, my husband - God bless him - was steadfast in doing the hard, but correct thing for my daughter.
I used to BEG to bring her home. On occasion he experienced my wrath. I even blamed him a time or two. It was a HUGE load for him to carry. I can't imagine what he endured in making this tough decision.
Fast forward four years. I now realize it was the best possible solution to a terrible set of circumstances. She needed to be institutionalized. For a long time.
My husband went against my daughters pleas, my pleas, and did the right thing.
He had to step up to the plate and make a decision that I was incapable of making ... because I'm a mom and am driven by emotions.
I am pleading with you to do the hard thing. Even in the face of disapproval from your wife, your daughter and your difficult child. Suicidal ideation is nothing to 'negotiate'.
Keeping your son alive is paramount to keeping the peace at home.
in my humble opinion.
F
flutterbee
Guest
Mikey,
Let me share a very personal story. I never talk about this, but I think it can help you and it might help others on the board.
In August, 2002, I was hospitalized with severe depression, bordering on psychotic depression. To say I had suicidal ideation is an understatement. I *fantasized* about it. It finally reached a head. I was at work and called a friend who was a co-worker and asked him to meet me for lunch. If he hadn't, I was planning on leaving work and taking a bunch of pills. We called my therapist who told me to go to the ER. I went voluntarily. I explained everything to the social worker who came to talk to me. My friend called my mom who came to the ER.
Then, after a couple of hours, the social worker came to tell me that they were admitting me. I became very irate and angry. Even though I had gone voluntarily, I didn't want to be admitted. I was terrified. I didn't want there to be anything wrong with me. She told me that I could go voluntarily or involuntarily, but I was going.
My mother, at that time (and still some today) didn't understand. She was very angry with me. When they took me to the psychiatric ward (easy child term is behavioral health unit, but let's call a spade a spade), my mother said to me in a very nasty tone, "Well, how are you going to get yourself out of this mess." She didn't get it. She was angry that I was there like I was doing it for attention or running away rather than a desperate attempt to save my life. Had I not gone to the hospital that day, I do not think I would be here today.
My mom - and she and I are very close - still doesn't understand it all. We had a talk about it earlier this year and she said that she was very angry with me because she could see I was heading there and I wasn't doing anything about it. That I was making all of these bad choices and she could see what was coming. She doesn't understand that the depression - the illness - caused the bad choices. I was in survival mode. I was fighting to keep my head above water the best way I knew how. My best pretty much s-ucked. But it was my best at the time.
Mental illness and drugs inhibit the ability to make good decisions. When severe, it's almost a constant state of fight or flight. Pure survival. You only think of getting through the next minute. Worrying about next month, next week or even tomorrow is not even on the radar.
The longer this stuff goes untreated, the harder it is to treat. Please, get help for McWeedy.
ETA: The only reason I called my friend at work that day rather than just leaving is because I have kids. If I didn't have kids, I don't think I would have called him. They were the only thing keeping me alive at that point, and even that wasn't going to be enough if I didn't get help.
Let me share a very personal story. I never talk about this, but I think it can help you and it might help others on the board.
In August, 2002, I was hospitalized with severe depression, bordering on psychotic depression. To say I had suicidal ideation is an understatement. I *fantasized* about it. It finally reached a head. I was at work and called a friend who was a co-worker and asked him to meet me for lunch. If he hadn't, I was planning on leaving work and taking a bunch of pills. We called my therapist who told me to go to the ER. I went voluntarily. I explained everything to the social worker who came to talk to me. My friend called my mom who came to the ER.
Then, after a couple of hours, the social worker came to tell me that they were admitting me. I became very irate and angry. Even though I had gone voluntarily, I didn't want to be admitted. I was terrified. I didn't want there to be anything wrong with me. She told me that I could go voluntarily or involuntarily, but I was going.
My mother, at that time (and still some today) didn't understand. She was very angry with me. When they took me to the psychiatric ward (easy child term is behavioral health unit, but let's call a spade a spade), my mother said to me in a very nasty tone, "Well, how are you going to get yourself out of this mess." She didn't get it. She was angry that I was there like I was doing it for attention or running away rather than a desperate attempt to save my life. Had I not gone to the hospital that day, I do not think I would be here today.
My mom - and she and I are very close - still doesn't understand it all. We had a talk about it earlier this year and she said that she was very angry with me because she could see I was heading there and I wasn't doing anything about it. That I was making all of these bad choices and she could see what was coming. She doesn't understand that the depression - the illness - caused the bad choices. I was in survival mode. I was fighting to keep my head above water the best way I knew how. My best pretty much s-ucked. But it was my best at the time.
Mental illness and drugs inhibit the ability to make good decisions. When severe, it's almost a constant state of fight or flight. Pure survival. You only think of getting through the next minute. Worrying about next month, next week or even tomorrow is not even on the radar.
The longer this stuff goes untreated, the harder it is to treat. Please, get help for McWeedy.
ETA: The only reason I called my friend at work that day rather than just leaving is because I have kids. If I didn't have kids, I don't think I would have called him. They were the only thing keeping me alive at that point, and even that wasn't going to be enough if I didn't get help.
F
flutterbee
Guest
Another predictor (for lack of a better word) to a successful suicide attempt is accessibility. I was planning on taking a bunch of pills, but who knows if I would have been successful. I didn't have access to anything 'good' in that regard. I didn't do drugs and didn't know anyone who did (other than my dad and his brothers, who I was not in contact with) and didn't have the foggiest notion of where to go to get some. McWeedy has access to this.
Suicide is often an impulsive act.
Suicide is often an impulsive act.
nvts
Active Member
Heather, you are truly one of the strongest people I know - I soooo respect you for the strength that you showed with your post.
What a truly selfless act to try and prevent someone from having to suffer through what would ultimately be a tragedy!
God bless!
Beth
PS: People often have a hard time understanding the fragility of the mind. They think that depression is a sense of mind rather than a dwindling of spirit and that putting a bright face on will erase the pain. If it works for them, congrats, but for most, psychiatric intervention is key!
Mikey: again, I don't know you except for the posts that you have written lately, but it's time to "put up" and admit him.
Honestly, if he kills himself, wife and dancer are going to blame you anyway. If you don't admit him and he kills himself you're going to blame yourself. 2 + 1 = 3
If you admit him, at least you will have one less person laying the blame! 1 + 1 = 2
Mathematically, it makes perfect sense.
me
What a truly selfless act to try and prevent someone from having to suffer through what would ultimately be a tragedy!
God bless!
Beth
PS: People often have a hard time understanding the fragility of the mind. They think that depression is a sense of mind rather than a dwindling of spirit and that putting a bright face on will erase the pain. If it works for them, congrats, but for most, psychiatric intervention is key!
Mikey: again, I don't know you except for the posts that you have written lately, but it's time to "put up" and admit him.
Honestly, if he kills himself, wife and dancer are going to blame you anyway. If you don't admit him and he kills himself you're going to blame yourself. 2 + 1 = 3
If you admit him, at least you will have one less person laying the blame! 1 + 1 = 2
Mathematically, it makes perfect sense.
me
mom_in_training
New Member
Mikey, You have gotten some great advice here and I do hope that you take head to what every one of the responses recommend. Take your son to get the help he needs. Like the others here I would not worry about how he feels or wife for that matter. When it comes to saving a life be it your son, A stranger or whoever all of your feelings have to be put aside and immediate action should by all means be taken. I just had that converation with a 17 year old friend of my difficult children, He could have died from what a friend of his did to him. This friend laced the pot they were smoking with tripple c. He had no clue that it was laced but in the end he ended up being taken by the police to to the psychiatric ward when he started getting violent. He would be crying one second then violent the next. I told him straight up that although I would have concern about his anger at me that I would have to put that aside and do the right thing by contacting the other boys parents to make them aware of what their son is doing. I also told him that doing this could very well be saving his life which is much more important then the way one feels. I have had to put my feelings aside in my efforts to save my difficult child and she now understands why I did what I did but hated me back then when I was in save mode. Please keep us posted Mikey, I hope that all works out in the end for you and your family.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I have a question? It would make responses simpler. Are you looking for advice/help or just an ear?
If you are looking for even one person to say, "Yeah, this is a bummer for you, guess you'll have to listen to wife and kid so they don't throw you out or not like you" nobody here will say that to you. It's not good advice. Are you looking to find something to motivate you? Do you just want to hear "I understand?" (even though I personally DON'T understand?)
I'm not trying to be mean, but seems like you keep repeating the same reasons why you can't help your son. I guarantee you, your boy is not just using pot. That's what they all say. And like my daughter tells me, "Never trust a drug user. They just lie."
Good luck.
If you are looking for even one person to say, "Yeah, this is a bummer for you, guess you'll have to listen to wife and kid so they don't throw you out or not like you" nobody here will say that to you. It's not good advice. Are you looking to find something to motivate you? Do you just want to hear "I understand?" (even though I personally DON'T understand?)
I'm not trying to be mean, but seems like you keep repeating the same reasons why you can't help your son. I guarantee you, your boy is not just using pot. That's what they all say. And like my daughter tells me, "Never trust a drug user. They just lie."
Good luck.
donna723
Well-Known Member
Mikey, the whole point is that <u>HE DOESN'T HAVE TO AGREE TO GO</u>! Of course, if you ask him, he'll downplay it, say he didn't mean it, and refuse to go! What did you expect! Even if he was entirely serious when he wrote the note, he'll say that he wasn't! He should never have been confronted with it, should never have had it presented to him in a way that it became his choice whether he went or not! You should have just had them waiting for him when he came home and let them load him up, whether he wanted to go or not! That was the whole point! And now he's being allowed to run the show again!
OK, somebody correct me if I'm wrong here ... does the "Baker Act" not mean that someone who attempts or threatens suicide can be involuntarily committed to a psychiatric facility or hospitalized for three days to be evaluated? After the three days, it would probably take a court order to keep them longer ... but on the strength of that note alone, he could have been involuntarily hospitalized for THREE DAYS to be evaluated! And he still could!
Mikey, I can't believe that you are willing to risk this! What's more important to you? Are you willing to risk your sons' life to keep your wife happy, to keep her from being mad at you? in my opinion, she's in complete denial about this - believing what she chooses to believe. If trying to save your sons' life will p*ss her off, so be it! You CAN'T take that risk, and she needs to pull her head out of her butt and see what's really happening here!
And when it comes to a childs' suicide attempt, believe me, I <u>DO</u> know what I'm talking about! Two and a half years ago my 24 year old son took a massive overdose of prescription medications and came as close to dying as is humanly possible without actually doing it! He had just gotten married and within DAYS it was crumbling under his feet, and he made the decision to take his own life. It was just a miracle that he was found when he was - the doctor told me that if he had been ONE MINUTE later getting to the hospital, he would have been DOA! I spent almost a week making my allowable little 20 minute visits to the ICU to watch a ventilator blow air into my sons' lungs, not knowing for days if he would live or not, or if he did, if permanent damage had been done. Miraculously, he survived and did well, but I wouldn't wish what we went through that week on my worst enemy! And I'm very, very certain that if I had asked him the day before, he would have claimed he was fine!
Mikey, PLEASE don't take this risk! I wouldn't want to see your son go through what mine did, or to see you and your family go through what we did for that horrible week! You KNOW what you need to do ... please DO it! And what's the worst that could happen if he is hospitalized? Even if he didn't mean it, he will be professionally evaluated for three days, they will see how bad his problems have gotten, they will find out the extent of his drug habit, and possibly, just possibly, when your wife hears it from the professionals, she will finally realize how serious his situation really is!!
OK, somebody correct me if I'm wrong here ... does the "Baker Act" not mean that someone who attempts or threatens suicide can be involuntarily committed to a psychiatric facility or hospitalized for three days to be evaluated? After the three days, it would probably take a court order to keep them longer ... but on the strength of that note alone, he could have been involuntarily hospitalized for THREE DAYS to be evaluated! And he still could!
Mikey, I can't believe that you are willing to risk this! What's more important to you? Are you willing to risk your sons' life to keep your wife happy, to keep her from being mad at you? in my opinion, she's in complete denial about this - believing what she chooses to believe. If trying to save your sons' life will p*ss her off, so be it! You CAN'T take that risk, and she needs to pull her head out of her butt and see what's really happening here!
And when it comes to a childs' suicide attempt, believe me, I <u>DO</u> know what I'm talking about! Two and a half years ago my 24 year old son took a massive overdose of prescription medications and came as close to dying as is humanly possible without actually doing it! He had just gotten married and within DAYS it was crumbling under his feet, and he made the decision to take his own life. It was just a miracle that he was found when he was - the doctor told me that if he had been ONE MINUTE later getting to the hospital, he would have been DOA! I spent almost a week making my allowable little 20 minute visits to the ICU to watch a ventilator blow air into my sons' lungs, not knowing for days if he would live or not, or if he did, if permanent damage had been done. Miraculously, he survived and did well, but I wouldn't wish what we went through that week on my worst enemy! And I'm very, very certain that if I had asked him the day before, he would have claimed he was fine!
Mikey, PLEASE don't take this risk! I wouldn't want to see your son go through what mine did, or to see you and your family go through what we did for that horrible week! You KNOW what you need to do ... please DO it! And what's the worst that could happen if he is hospitalized? Even if he didn't mean it, he will be professionally evaluated for three days, they will see how bad his problems have gotten, they will find out the extent of his drug habit, and possibly, just possibly, when your wife hears it from the professionals, she will finally realize how serious his situation really is!!
Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MidwestMom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I have a question? It would make responses simpler. Are you looking for advice/help or just an ear?
If you are looking for even one person to say, "Yeah, this is a bummer for you, guess you'll have to listen to wife and kid so they don't throw you out or not like you" nobody here will say that to you. It's not good advice. Are you looking to find something to motivate you? Do you just want to hear "I understand?" (even though I personally DON'T understand?)
I'm not trying to be mean, but seems like you keep repeating the same reasons why you can't help your son. I guarantee you, your boy is not just using pot. That's what they all say. And like my daughter tells me, "Never trust a drug user. They just lie."
Good luck. </div></div>
Not looking for much, other than a place to put into words what I'm feeling and going through, much like a blog (I've made that analogy before). In a blog, you throw your words out into the public, and then open yourself up to the input, criticism, and suggestions of others who read your thoughts. Maybe that's an inappropriate way to participate here at CD? I don't know.
When I first joined CD, I posted more on other threads than I did on my own. Lately, though, I've taken to lurking and only starting a thread when I need input.
That's what I'm looking for.
I'm so very appreciative of what others offer here, and am never (well, hardly ever) offended. I "think" by writing, then contemplating, and finally doing. If others here are gracious enough to offer input when I'm "contemplating", it helps with the "doing". Oftentimes it doesn't work out, and many times I can't or won't do what has been suggested (for many reasons). But that doesn't mean I don't value what's offered. I do, very much.
But overall, this is how I "think" best.
However, I also understand that others get frustrated when they offer input, and then it appears that I don't take it or disregard it. To those folks, I can only offer my sincere apologies, with the assurance that I DO read and condsider every word and thought expressed here. Whether the words are harsh or kind, I understand that if someone didn't care, they simply wouldn't respond at all.
So, I'm grateful to have a place where I can work out my thoughts in words, and where people who are interested can offer their thoughts and comments in response. I used to be something of a lark here on the boards, but lately I've just been a bummed out Dad trying to get by, looking for company from others who have been there done that. Hopefully, one day I can become the playful person I was when I started, and offer more than I get.
Just not now.
If you are looking for even one person to say, "Yeah, this is a bummer for you, guess you'll have to listen to wife and kid so they don't throw you out or not like you" nobody here will say that to you. It's not good advice. Are you looking to find something to motivate you? Do you just want to hear "I understand?" (even though I personally DON'T understand?)
I'm not trying to be mean, but seems like you keep repeating the same reasons why you can't help your son. I guarantee you, your boy is not just using pot. That's what they all say. And like my daughter tells me, "Never trust a drug user. They just lie."
Good luck. </div></div>
Not looking for much, other than a place to put into words what I'm feeling and going through, much like a blog (I've made that analogy before). In a blog, you throw your words out into the public, and then open yourself up to the input, criticism, and suggestions of others who read your thoughts. Maybe that's an inappropriate way to participate here at CD? I don't know.
When I first joined CD, I posted more on other threads than I did on my own. Lately, though, I've taken to lurking and only starting a thread when I need input.
That's what I'm looking for.
I'm so very appreciative of what others offer here, and am never (well, hardly ever) offended. I "think" by writing, then contemplating, and finally doing. If others here are gracious enough to offer input when I'm "contemplating", it helps with the "doing". Oftentimes it doesn't work out, and many times I can't or won't do what has been suggested (for many reasons). But that doesn't mean I don't value what's offered. I do, very much.
But overall, this is how I "think" best.
However, I also understand that others get frustrated when they offer input, and then it appears that I don't take it or disregard it. To those folks, I can only offer my sincere apologies, with the assurance that I DO read and condsider every word and thought expressed here. Whether the words are harsh or kind, I understand that if someone didn't care, they simply wouldn't respond at all.
So, I'm grateful to have a place where I can work out my thoughts in words, and where people who are interested can offer their thoughts and comments in response. I used to be something of a lark here on the boards, but lately I've just been a bummed out Dad trying to get by, looking for company from others who have been there done that. Hopefully, one day I can become the playful person I was when I started, and offer more than I get.
Just not now.
meowbunny
New Member
For what it's worth, I understand why you aren't doing something. The reality is without wife's support, the odds of having him hospitalized are somewhere between slim and none. He can con his way out of what he wrote ... he was angry; he doesn't even remotely feel that way today; he was copying ideas from other poems/songs. He's not going to be admitted unless he is a PRESENT danger to himself. If wife says he's not, your hands are tied.
The one thing I would do is talk to your wife. Tell her that no matter what he feels today, those words were real at the time. Can she live with the risk that he may in fact try suicide in the future? If she can, there is nothing more you can do.
The other thing is to decide now what you are going to do in December. I can guarantee you he is not going to move out unless you (and you alone) force him to. (Heck, I'll even bet you on that one.) He now has a suicide ideation to keep his mother in line. He'll stay. So, time for you to decide: What are YOU going to do?
The one thing I would do is talk to your wife. Tell her that no matter what he feels today, those words were real at the time. Can she live with the risk that he may in fact try suicide in the future? If she can, there is nothing more you can do.
The other thing is to decide now what you are going to do in December. I can guarantee you he is not going to move out unless you (and you alone) force him to. (Heck, I'll even bet you on that one.) He now has a suicide ideation to keep his mother in line. He'll stay. So, time for you to decide: What are YOU going to do?
Mikey
Psycho Gorilla Dad
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The other thing is to decide now what you are going to do in December. I can guarantee you he is not going to move out unless you (and you alone) force him to. (Heck, I'll even bet you on that one.) He now has a suicide ideation to keep his mother in line. He'll stay. So, time for you to decide: What are YOU going to do? </div></div>
Madame, you have named my nightmare, and I don't thank you for it :faint:
Well, actually I do thank you for it, just don't tell anyone :smile:
Mikey
Madame, you have named my nightmare, and I don't thank you for it :faint:
Well, actually I do thank you for it, just don't tell anyone :smile:
Mikey
