Need help to cope if he gets 15 yeard jail

[DDD]

Regarding State "guidelines" I feel compelled to note that in Florida it is a bunch of nonesense. I only share this because I don't want you to be as naive as we were.

At a Bond hearing (I hired a private attorney for $400 for that hearing as you can't get one with a P.D.) the Judge said (and it is recorded) "let me
look up the points for X (pause) well he has nowhere enough points for prison to even be considered. That is good because I believe his brain injury probably has impacted him and we WOULD NOT WANT to send him away as he needs to stay home."

The S.A. continued to threaten "up to 7 years in prison" if X didn't admit his guilt. In Court when the Judge afforded me the opportunity to speak
I addressed this issue. I said "Your Honor at a bond hearing held on x/x/x YOU checked the record on your own accord and stipulated that my grandson did not have have anywhere near enough points for prison and
further that he shouldn't go there. The S.A. is giving my grandson the choice of two years in prison or continued probation. Our family does not understand how Mr. C can threaten X with prison when you stated he was not eligible."

I don't want to keep rehashing our experience BUT even though it is wise to gather as much information as possible...don't trust the system. DDD

 

[Star*]

Ants' Mom - printing that out - thank you very much

D3 -

Okay so even if I know what I think I know I don't know nothing -
---oddly enough I get it. lol

I have decided that I have NO idea what God is trying to accomplish here with Dude. None whatsoever.

I have decided that I can't pay any more for his fines, or his fees and he has to deal and keep a PD. I can't afford a private attorney. No way - no how. I called - the retainer was near 2500.00 then fees, 350-250 an hour, blah blah blah......and so I will just pray for the PD we have. Mousy as she seems I'm hoping like someone said - she is not burnt out by the system and was tops in her class.

I can't loose any more sleep over it - because like someone else said - I will have bigger things to worry about later. In my case - probably life in prison for Dude at some point.

If I had to give him advice now? I would tell him to go to trial - and pray his PD is good enough to convince one parent that the story is circumstantial at best. He does not want my advice so I'm just saving it = like beanie babies.

My Mom told me to work myself hard in the yard after work - and come in, eat, take a shower, and read- go to bed. Sleep. Take my vitamins and in his infinite wisdom God has seen fit to set my neck head and chest on fire every night - then I freeze. Maybe it's a change - maybe I'm the burning bush - hard to tell. Someone suggested Black Cohosh - and I've got a whole other story for that soon.

I got an email about being a foster parent to a lovely little 7 month old female Pit. Apparently she's trouble - Trouble animals I can train - kids whole other ballgame. He parents don't have time to spend with her. Sad - peeves my toast and jam too - WHY do people NOT think 8 months into the future about getting a puppy. And then wonder when they are NOT home at all during the day and gone 1/2 the nights that the dog is TROUBLE? (rolls eyes) sigh.

I called the caseworker - and let him have it too - BOTH barrels for suggesting the group home from Hell and lying about how wonderful it was. NOW = because of their suggestion - we're looking at a possible prison run. NICE =thanks

 

[standswithcourage]

I think that needs an Amen! I like the posts from ant's mom and BBK. SOmetimes it is more than we can handle - when we feel like we are up against a wall and there seems nothing else to do we call on God. Actually we are supposed to call on him first! It is easier to try and work it out ourselves because we feel God doesnt want to be bothered but actually he does. Sometimes there are also things God wants us to do. In my case I think he wants me to be quiet! I have taken a back seat lately. My husband is the one that will bond our son out. It is absolutely opposite of him to do that. It is weird. Maybe it means something. Things happen for a reason. However I am still scared. I am trying to have so much faith that it cancels out fear.

 

[susiestar]

Star, I am praying along with BBK. I will continue to pray for you and Dude and DF. Please take GOOD care of yourself.

Remember that we are with you, we love you, we are praying/rattling beads for you, if letters or anything else will help WE WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT so we CAN help.

Hugs,

Susie

 

[Tiapet]

I'm sorry Star, been away for a few days. Just catching up on everyone. I have no words for you. I wish I did. Just lots of hugs and big ears/shoulders (like everyone else).

 

[Sunlight]

Star,

the prayer posted was given to me by a mother of a son in prison..he has been in since he was 19. He has been in there 4 yrs so far. Six hours from her, maximum security, and has 43 yrs sentenced. No he did not murder or rape anyone. Was in wrong place wrong time and young.

She says she cries because she can never cook his favorite meal, she can never touch him or hug him, she can rarely go to see him due to distance, finances and the other kids she has.

she is an inspiration.

she helps me keep in perspective.

Good luck on your life path.

 

[Genny]

Okay, MY head exploded. His PO "knows what crazy is"??!! wtf?
Go over his PO's head. If she still refuses to believe Dude's circumstances, request (i.e. demand) a new PO for him. What the PO says carries a lot of weight, as others have noted. He deserves to at least have someone who acknowledges his limitations and understands what an effort he has made. It may not seem like much for most people, but for Dude, it's HUGE.

I'm with ya, Starb. Use my strength if you need it, I'm coasting right now

Genny

 

[Steely]

Star - faith is so hard for me now - but you know what? I am gonna believe that Dude will not spend his life in jail. He will not get 15 years. I am gonna believe that he will not get more than a slap on the hand.

I really do feel that this is all going to be OK. That Dude will have the life that he was meant for - and that you will have the peace that comes with that.

Sending hope and strength your way.
Steely.

 

[standswithcourage]

Ditto to Steely Star!!! Hang in there.

 

[Star*]

Thank you all - you are such lovely people!

I'm going to do my best every day. This has been very helpful.

THanks All

 

[Ephchap]

Star,

I've unfortunately sort of been where you are right now. My difficult child, who was barely 17, was also arrested and charged with an adult felony. He was so high on crack at the time that I doubt we will ever truly know what happened, and how much he was involved, but the police officer "assured him" that if he would just say he did it, that he could go home. Telling this to a scared, coming down off his crack high, barely 17 year old is so twisted, but that's what happened.

My difficult child was already in the secure dual-diagnostic facility by the time the court hearing came about, and even then - the prosecutor wanted to give him the max: 20 years ! Even the judge thought the prosecutor was jones'ing to make a name for himself and poo-poo'd the prosecutor right there in the courtroom, saying why would she remove him from a program that he entered voluntarily, that would help with substance abuse and psychiatric problems - and put him in a warehouse at such a young age. She still saw potential in my difficult child, thank God.

It sounds like Dude is in much the same predicament - minus the drugs. Sometimes it takes a prosecutor who is trying to make a name, or to prove a point, to go way overboard and charge a kid, who granted might not have done the right thing, but needs help - not just punishment - and certainly not punishment like 15-20 years in jail.

I agree with some of the above poters who suggest asking for a new PO. My son didn't have a great PO, but others have had great success with a good PO who will fight for our difficult child's.

Twisting up body parts, and sending mega hugs and prayers that this can all get sorted out.

Deb

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

Star,

I haven't been in your situation so I will not even think about giving you any advice. I just want to tell you that I have been following your postings, aching along together with you worrying about what will be with Dude. I pray for a good outcome. You have my prayers, and my shoulder, and my warrior armour, and I pray that God gives you the strength to get through this terribly difficult time, and that the outcome will be much better than you fear.

With love,

Esther

 

[standswithcourage]

Oh that was perfect Esther! I know Star appreciates it.

 

[Nomad]

I am so sorry. If you are allowed to write the judge (double check), I would consider doing this. Make sure you have documentation of Dude's diagnosis. I would make sure his attorney and the judge understand that he has a diagnosis. If he has a PO that is unjust, unfair, unbelieving, unintelligent...it would make good sense to ask for a new one. I am glad to read that you are doing your best every day. Do what you are able for Dude...perhaps a phone call or two each day. However, also live each day to the best of your ability. Sending good thoughts....

 

[Hopeless]

Star,

I am sending you much needed hugs and support.

 

[tiredmommy]

Ladies,
I was forced to remove two posts from this thread because they were leading the discussion into the realm of religion. I truly understand the positive impact that faith can have in our lives and ask that further religious discussion or assertions be taken to private messaging. This is necessary to ensure that this site remains a safe place to land for all, regardless of religious affiliation or status.

 

[witzend]

Coming in late here, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. You sound very stressed.

You are one of the toughest broads I know, and that's a compliment to be sure! I'm not sure whether this is posturing on their part, part of the bargaining process, or what. I do know that you will gather your wits as you always do, take stock of what is real and what is not, and live through this one day at a time. To be sure, you and Dude have to think about the future, but I hope that you will not allow yourselves to be overwhelmed by what "might be".

 

[Sunlight]

Ladies,
I was forced to remove two posts from this thread because they were leading the discussion into the realm of religion. I truly understand the positive impact that faith can have in our lives and ask that further religious discussion or assertions be taken to private messaging. This is necessary to ensure that this site remains a safe place to land for all, regardless of religious affiliation or status.

TM,
I am smiling as I am reminded of "one" of the two prime reasons I left this forum... closed minds that do not allow faith to come forth and bless others with prayer.
Good bye and God bless all.

Janet

 

[tiredmommy]

Sorry you feel that way, Janet.

 

[GoingNorth]

TM. Thank you for being on top of the religion issue.

While I believe that religious faith is a strong comfort to many, this board is meant for all and not a place for bearing "witness" to those who either follow no mainstream faith (such as myself), or those who follow no faith at all.

I can tell you that I've grown more and more uncomfortable with the religious tenor of many posts here, which is a shame as I'd like to be able to offer more support than I feel comfortable doing.

I agree 100% with taking responses of a religious tone (or political for that matter) to PM or e-mail.

toK