New forum?

[InsaneCdn]

PS My son has superior reasoning skills, it is judgement and application he lacks.

With our complex kids... some lack reasoning skills and some lack the ability to apply it to common situations. It's part of why even a forum to discuss these kids defies labels!

 

[Copabanana]

"A good working definition of growth failure related to aberrant caregiving is the failure to maintain an established pattern of growth and development that responds to the provision of adequate nutritional and emotional needs of the patient."

This I got on google.

I like this because in infants, there is a presumption that there is an issue of caregiving. That something is being withheld. That is because infants cannot go to the store or refrigerator.

But our kids can! What entraps us so much as parents, is the self-accusation, that it is our own failure (at least I do that.)

Furthermore, our kids look to us (so many do) as responsible to provide for them, as if they were infants.

Finally, the term seems to be growing in usage even in Veterinary medicine, and across the lifespan to include the elderly.

COPA

 

[BusynMember]

"A good working definition of growth failure related to aberrant caregiving is the failure to maintain an established pattern of growth and development that responds to the provision of adequate nutritional and emotional needs of the patient."

This I got on google.

I like this because in infants, there is a presumption that there is an issue of caregiving. That something is being withheld. That is because infants cannot go to the store or refrigerator.

But our kids can! What entraps us so much as parents, is the self-accusation, that it is our own failure (at least I do that.)

Furthermore, our kids look to us (so many do) as responsible to provide for them, as if they were infants.

Finally, the term seems to be growing in usage even in Veterinary medicine, and across the lifespan to include the elderly.

COPA

 

[BusynMember]

I like failure or inability to thrive. Not everyone CAN.

 

[runawaybunny]

So this one?

Failure to Thrive: Parenting teen and adult children with complex developmental and mental health issues.

 

[BusynMember]

Thats a good description, rb!

 

[InsaneCdn]

@runnawaybunny

Failure to Thrive: Parenting teen and adult children with complex developmental and mental health issues.

Lets go for it.

As someone else suggested, we will develop a longer description of "who we are" to pin in the forum.

 

[Copabanana]

Failure to Thrive: Parenting teen and adult children with complex developmental and mental health issues.

I like it.

COPA

 

[runawaybunny]

The new forum has been created.

 

[InsaneCdn]

@runnawaybunny
Thanks. Can you move this thread over to the new forum, please?

 

[gardengirl1958]

You know this new proposed forum is more easily defined by what we (and our children) are not.

We are not able to turn away, because of the belief, fear or reality, that they cannot do it by themselves.

There is more of the feeling or belief that we must develop ourselves (that a rejecting and angry response is self-limiting, and potentially irresponsible and cruel.
The thing that makes it fuzzy, the idea of the new forum, is that so many of the PE children do seem to have this constellation of issues. What about Insane's descriptor (which I so resisted) "Differently Wired Adult Children?" Putting adult in there makes sense for me...because the whole focus for us is launching--what it does to us, our lives, and our relationships, sensing and knowing that our kids will possibly or likely never achieve the kinds of lives or personalities we believed or hoped for...or...even if we did not have crashed expectations, they require things of us that impact greatly the lives we hoped to have.

So for me what we are dealing with here is our own emotions as much as practically responding to them. Our grief. Our fear. Our choices to help. Why and how and when. And the challenge to family dynamics when you cannot turn away, to save either yourself, your spouse or your other children. The launching part cannot be resolved completely by distance. Or understanding differently. This is a different set of challenges when competency is at question.

While there is overlap between PE it is different because our children are different. And part of our issue is facing that.

Suzir wrote a lovely post about her own coming to grips with the loss she feels about what her son's life could have been. What about that?

Coming to grips: Adult Children with combined developmental and psychological challenges.

COPA

Great comment! My heart is there!