D
Doddlin
Guest
Hey, first... how do all of you get that little bit of bio attached to the bottom or your messages?
Second, I have been reading about all of you. It's so wonderful to find a place where others are going through what I've been dealing with.
My story - my oldest son graduated HS with a 3.9. Started summer school at the community college (this was summer 2009). He lasted about 1 month. Broke house rules, was belligerent, etc. Had to ask him to leave since he broke the deal for staying at home and getting help with college. He was perpetually lying, drinking, not motivated unless it was Mom's plan. I knew this would never work. He admitted he was only going to school because he didn't want to disappoint me. He said he wished he could just stay in my basement and play his guitar. Ugh. He was diagnosed with ADD in 5th grade. Does extremely well when medicated. But, at 17 decided he would not longer be. This caused him to become angry, depressed, unmotivated... generally VERY hard to live with. He left last summer. Moved in with a really dark fellow. Didn't pay bills, wrecked two cars, had one repossessed. We helped him get a good call center job for $14.22 hr with benefits. Worked a few months over the winter and when his car was taken, didn't show and was fired. I have bill collectors call day and night. He is completely broke, owes his credit union for hundreds in overdraft, multiple credit cards, etc. He is seeing a girl he met a Jr. in HS. She is a good student and just graduated. She was kicked out of her home last year though. I'm afraid he had a lot to do with it. He lost his apt and all of his belongings. Been couch surfing. I took a B-Day card his GM left for him last night. He is dressing like a thug and smells terrible. He is working at Dairy Queen again (his previous HS job) and I'm thankful he seems to be able to hold a job through all this. Very smart kid who almost finished his AS in HS for college Finance program. Says he might try to go into ultimate fighting now. Oh boy. Very affectionate but too ashamed of his life to come around us at this time. No way to call him either. Found him at Dairy Queen last night.
Youngest is doing worse. Failed this year at school almost everything. He is a Jr. Will be 17 next month. Wants to skateboard and worked about 6 hours a week at Baskin Robbins until last week when he quit. He likes to smoke weed (as he tells me) and spice. He ran away to his Dad's last week because I found he had sluffed school and was going to impose a consequence. He had been talking to an 18 year old he works with about moving out over the past few months, so I'm guessing that was just an excuse (blow-out) to leave. He stayed with the friend for a week until his Dad and I decided to have him go to Dad's and see how it goes. Not sure he will finish school at this point. Says his problem is that he and I "clash". His Dad has been a deadbeat most of his life. He was physically abusive during our marriage and had been a terrible role model to the boys all their life. Takes them to play what he wants to play on some weekends. He has taught them to disrespect women (hence why I'm struggling with them). He has had about 100 women and broken relationships since our divorce. Moves in with them, bankrupts them financially and emotionally and then leaves to find another.
Still... I'm ready to give up and let live what is. I joined a Families Anonymous last week. Cried the whole meeting. Feel like a failure (co-dependent I guess) since I blame myself for how they are going down the path. Jealous of all the families that have kids going to prom, college, jobs... generally having happy normal lives. I want to cry when I see and hear about these kids. Hard to want to do anything with extended family right now since mine has fallen apart.
That's the story. So glad I found you all and at least I'm not alone.
Second, I have been reading about all of you. It's so wonderful to find a place where others are going through what I've been dealing with.
My story - my oldest son graduated HS with a 3.9. Started summer school at the community college (this was summer 2009). He lasted about 1 month. Broke house rules, was belligerent, etc. Had to ask him to leave since he broke the deal for staying at home and getting help with college. He was perpetually lying, drinking, not motivated unless it was Mom's plan. I knew this would never work. He admitted he was only going to school because he didn't want to disappoint me. He said he wished he could just stay in my basement and play his guitar. Ugh. He was diagnosed with ADD in 5th grade. Does extremely well when medicated. But, at 17 decided he would not longer be. This caused him to become angry, depressed, unmotivated... generally VERY hard to live with. He left last summer. Moved in with a really dark fellow. Didn't pay bills, wrecked two cars, had one repossessed. We helped him get a good call center job for $14.22 hr with benefits. Worked a few months over the winter and when his car was taken, didn't show and was fired. I have bill collectors call day and night. He is completely broke, owes his credit union for hundreds in overdraft, multiple credit cards, etc. He is seeing a girl he met a Jr. in HS. She is a good student and just graduated. She was kicked out of her home last year though. I'm afraid he had a lot to do with it. He lost his apt and all of his belongings. Been couch surfing. I took a B-Day card his GM left for him last night. He is dressing like a thug and smells terrible. He is working at Dairy Queen again (his previous HS job) and I'm thankful he seems to be able to hold a job through all this. Very smart kid who almost finished his AS in HS for college Finance program. Says he might try to go into ultimate fighting now. Oh boy. Very affectionate but too ashamed of his life to come around us at this time. No way to call him either. Found him at Dairy Queen last night.
Youngest is doing worse. Failed this year at school almost everything. He is a Jr. Will be 17 next month. Wants to skateboard and worked about 6 hours a week at Baskin Robbins until last week when he quit. He likes to smoke weed (as he tells me) and spice. He ran away to his Dad's last week because I found he had sluffed school and was going to impose a consequence. He had been talking to an 18 year old he works with about moving out over the past few months, so I'm guessing that was just an excuse (blow-out) to leave. He stayed with the friend for a week until his Dad and I decided to have him go to Dad's and see how it goes. Not sure he will finish school at this point. Says his problem is that he and I "clash". His Dad has been a deadbeat most of his life. He was physically abusive during our marriage and had been a terrible role model to the boys all their life. Takes them to play what he wants to play on some weekends. He has taught them to disrespect women (hence why I'm struggling with them). He has had about 100 women and broken relationships since our divorce. Moves in with them, bankrupts them financially and emotionally and then leaves to find another.
Still... I'm ready to give up and let live what is. I joined a Families Anonymous last week. Cried the whole meeting. Feel like a failure (co-dependent I guess) since I blame myself for how they are going down the path. Jealous of all the families that have kids going to prom, college, jobs... generally having happy normal lives. I want to cry when I see and hear about these kids. Hard to want to do anything with extended family right now since mine has fallen apart.
That's the story. So glad I found you all and at least I'm not alone.
