I am new and looking for some help. Some background... I have a daughter (12), son (17) and stepson (15). My three kids have been raised together for the past 11 years. Our problems are regarding my stepson. A little of his history..... He has only had contact with his bio mom twice in the past 5 years and before that it was very sporadic visits. She has mental health issues. She is a drug addict, in and out of jail, in and out of abusive relationships, etc. My husband (his dad) has full legal rights. Bio mom has no rights. My SS paternal great grandparents have been very active in his life. He has spent every Friday night at their home since he was 6 months old. They have always made the call on what, when, how everything was done for SS. (I hate this) SS has always had behavioral issues. He was diagnosed with ADHD in elementary school. I have always been the primary contact for school, doctors, etc. I had to fight husband's entire family to have him treated for ADHD. Even though we were getting almost daily calls from the school regarding his behavior. Although the hyper part has seemed to have diminished as he's gotten older, the attention part has gotten worse. He is highly impulsive. He is a compulsive liar. He manipulates any and everyone to get what he wants. He doesn't care who he hurts in the process as long as he gets what he wants. No discipline makes an impact. He can follow all the rules until he gets privileges back. Then it is the same thing all over again. He never learns from his mistakes. He can look you in the eye and tell you the sky is green to the point that you actually start to question if it is you or him that is right. I have always tried to hold all 3 kids to the same expectations as far as chores, honesty, homework, etc. SS does not want to be held accountable for anything. He will go to great grandparents and tell them how hard we are on him, that we mistreat him, that we do for the other 2 children but not for him. And they actually believe him. SS has taken grandparents credit card and spent $1100 on computer parts and they are ok with it. They spent hundreds of dollars a month buying him anything he asks for. We have asked repeatedly for it to stop. We are told 'it is our money, we will spent it how we want'. Husband has started limiting the amount of time spent with great grandparents so they are no longer talking to us. So with that being said, SS got kicked out of school the week before Thanksgiving. He was expelled for exposing himself to 2 girls in art class. We were told by school administration that had he been 16, he would have been arrested. (He will be 16 in August). They were willing to allow him to do cyber school through the district. Since I am the one that always handles school work with all the kids, I was the contact and worked through getting him set up and tried to keep him on track. Needless to say, it didn't work. He just wasn't doing anything all day long. So, I found him a school in the area that would accept him. It was a school that does online and classroom. He was in the principals office within the first 2 weeks with issues over his phone. So, we take his phone from him that evening. I check through his phone and find a video in the deleted folder. I restore the video only to find that he is recording my 12 yo daughter in the bathroom. He is sliding his phone under the edge of the bathroom door and recording without her knowing. Hindsight is 20/20.... my daughter's friend had told us about a month prior to this that she saw his phone under the door when she got out of the shower. We checked his phone and found nothing. About 2 weeks after that I saw him sitting on the floor outside the bathroom door and questioned what he was doing. I took his phone checked it, found nothing. We have since found out that he has an app on his phone that looks like a calculator, but if you enter a pin number it opens to a private stash of picture. So, now SS is in counseling as well as daughter. We have taken all internet access, all video games, and cell phone from SS. After 4 weeks of 30 min sessions with SS counselor, counselor feels we should give him back his electronics and that he is not a threat to himself or my daughter. I feel differently. I have an adult at my home 24/7. I do not trust him. The school had told us when they kicked SS out that they felt his behavior was escalating to the point that they were concerned about letting him remain in the school. We did not find out there were issues before this until he exposed himself. We have been catching him on porn sites for the past 2 years. Although we did talk to him and even limited his online access to sites. We also felt that some of this was 'teen boy' stuff. However, it is now out of hand. I am concerned for my daughter's safety. I feel his behavior is escalating and that it could escalate to the point of rape. My husband feels I am completely overreacting. He feels that SS did not mean any harm and that he really did nothing to harm daughter. I feel daughter was violated, not physically, but violated all the same. SS has gotten completely out of control since getting kicked out of school. My husband and I both work full time. SS does school from home every Friday. Great grandmother comes to our home every Friday while we are at work and takes him shopping and out to eat. She buys him whatever he asks for. He has even told us that she (great grandmother) said he just needs to come live with her cause we are too mean and hateful to him. We have asked her not to come to our house without us home, she does anyway. My husband's parents have even tried to talk to them about undermining our authority and the damage it is doing. They ignore it. Meanwhile SS seems to enjoy the discord he is causing. I have no idea what else to do. This may sound terrible, but I am to the point that I don't care what happens anymore with SS as long as it doesn't hurt me or my kids (and I do mean my bio kids). My focus is my daughter and her safety. I am convinced that he has antisocial personality disorder. I just want to get through the next 2 1/2 years with him and send him packing. Am I terrible for feeling this way? What else can I do? He has completely conned his counselor. He conns his teachers, etc. We are on a waiting list for a full evaluation at a local psychological clinic. Anyone have any situations like this? Where do I go? What do I do??
