New to ODD need help/advice
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Drew, you don't have to answer questions about what you are going to do.
I hope you find help for your daughter. She does not really seem to be as bad as many of the kids on the forum so there is a lot of hope. As for not liking to hang with her family anymore, even my easy child prefers to hang with her friends. We are only parents here, not professionals.We have no credentials to tell you what to do or to pin you down. That is for professionals to take on, not us.
If you can swing it, I strongly encourage your getting an assessment done by a neuropsychologist (the normal go-to professional in the U.S.).
GM, in my opinion, this man just came here asking for a place to send his daughter and you are really giving it to him and I'm not sure why. Most of us have not figured out what to do about our own children yet. We are all not sure what do do in our own lives all the time. Remember we are all in this together as supporters, not to tell the others what they should do. You do not know his daughter and raising one girl who is still struggling is not being an expert yourself. Nor am I an expert. We'd get paid a lot more for our two cents if we were experts
I hope you find help for your daughter. She does not really seem to be as bad as many of the kids on the forum so there is a lot of hope. As for not liking to hang with her family anymore, even my easy child prefers to hang with her friends. We are only parents here, not professionals.We have no credentials to tell you what to do or to pin you down. That is for professionals to take on, not us.
If you can swing it, I strongly encourage your getting an assessment done by a neuropsychologist (the normal go-to professional in the U.S.).
GM, in my opinion, this man just came here asking for a place to send his daughter and you are really giving it to him and I'm not sure why. Most of us have not figured out what to do about our own children yet. We are all not sure what do do in our own lives all the time. Remember we are all in this together as supporters, not to tell the others what they should do. You do not know his daughter and raising one girl who is still struggling is not being an expert yourself. Nor am I an expert. We'd get paid a lot more for our two cents if we were experts
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I think that is the best goal. I would just keep in mind that the game has a VERY strong, strong, STRONG hold on her. I don't think she will only be able to play it sometimes. I think maybe getting rid of that game all together will be the best option. Heck, maybe even the wifi and all other electronics. You and your wife should stop using them too. I know, I know, that sounds really extreme and unfair, but look at it this way. When you have an alcoholic in the home, experts say no alcohol should ever be around them and their loved ones should not even have a sip around them. It needs to be completely gone out of the home in order for the addict to recover. In fact, you would set a great example for her this way. I believe she will recover much faster and willingly knowing that her parents are participating this way in her recovery. Knowing that they will give it up too. If she see's anyone else on technology, especially her parents, she is going to feign for it.
I personally know how terrible a gaming addiction can be and I know why you are very worried about her and you are 100% right for worrying about this. Stop it now before it's too late. She needs real life friends. My ex never recovered from his gaming addiction. Even though I haven't spoken to him in over six years, I'm sure he is still gaming and he is almost 40! Man, I remember when I tried to get him to stop, he almost killed me just like when your daughter took the knife to your wife. He was an evil and angry person playing these games. He abused me because of them.
You definitely don't want that to be your daughter. She deserves a healthy social life with real life friends. She gave up to quick because these games are so easy to get addicted to.
If you do allow her some limited gaming time when she gets out (which I am strongly against) here is a link to help you set some rules:
http://minemum.com/minecraft-obsession
Some of the warning signs that an interest in Minecraft is becoming unhealthy might include:
http://minemum.com/minecraft-obsession
Some of the warning signs that an interest in Minecraft is becoming unhealthy might include:
- The time spent playing is having a serious impact on their health or family life
- They’re lying to you about how often they play
- They have symptoms of withdrawal when they’re not playing - irritability, restlessness, insomnia, headaches, depression
- They’re not in control of their behaviour while playing
- They’re experiencing extreme changes in mood
Thank you midwestmom. You are correct. Came here for suggestions not a lecture. GM if you think it's realistic in this world and how we communicate to rid my home of my cell phones and computers then your living in a hole. Even our high school uses iPads to teach. Technology is all around and not going away. It would be easier to throw out any alcohol in my house then get rid of all the technology. How do you think I found this forum. I'm typing on an iPad right now so that's not going to happen. My wife and I don't use it all the time. Not at the dinner table. Mainly in late evening or if on on the job. I remember my dad reading the newspaper at the kitchen table which I guess you could consider the same thing. Everyone has their stories and opinions. I'm basing my on 3 professional opinions and the school. Besides if we do plan on the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) there are no electronics aloud.
Well of course you have to use it for work, but you said you also play online games. So you can see where I would see a conflict. Also, a newspaper is no where as interesting as what the internet can provide now a days. It's like comparing oranges and apples. All Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s don't allow what the addict is addicted to, however, we all know the true test is when they come out of inpatient treatment. If it were me, and my child had an addiction of any kind, I would get rid out of it out of my home, at least for a period of time. We survived without technology before, I'm sure we could do it if we had to. Maybe this is a good time to rethink healthy use of technology in home. P.S., I didn't mean for you to get rid of your cell phones! She can't connect to the internet on your cell phone.
Anyway, I will exist this conversation now. I don't want to cause you upset and I can see that I am doing that. I don't think I can say anything else that I already have anyway. Good luck.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
For that matter, everybody here is using the internet. My six year old grandson doesn't know what a real phone is
If you took all your technology away from her, which is absurd in my opinion, then she'd just go elsewhere to use it. Sort of like kids who are banned from certain movies go to the homes of others to watch them. I think her main issues have nothing to do with the game. A lot of kids like to play games and you can only control it until they are out of the house.There is nothing wrong with gaming as an adult.
My oldest son is 37 and has always been into gaming. Yet he does work, have a house, have a good job, care for his child, pay child support on time, and does what he needs to do. He is my difficult child yet he is very productive and his GFGness has nothing to do with gaming and, at his age, I have no control over it anyway. I didn't cause it nor did you. It just is.
I'm glad you are getting help for your daughter as it does seem as if something is wrong. And you are right, of course, that most teens are not unduly rude to their family. Reclusive, sometimes. More interested in their peers, of course...that's growing up. However, most of us come here because we are aware that our children/adult children exceed the "norms" of societal behaviors and we are looking for help and to learn how to cope with it.
Like everything else in life, read everything you see and take what you feel is helpful and leave the rest. I have learned a lot from this forum in the posts of certain people. Others, while they may be totally valid in their thinking, don't resonate with me as well. I tend to just take what I need and feel is good and leave the rest. Like I said, we are not professionals and we are all struggling or we would not be here.
If you took all your technology away from her, which is absurd in my opinion, then she'd just go elsewhere to use it. Sort of like kids who are banned from certain movies go to the homes of others to watch them. I think her main issues have nothing to do with the game. A lot of kids like to play games and you can only control it until they are out of the house.There is nothing wrong with gaming as an adult.
My oldest son is 37 and has always been into gaming. Yet he does work, have a house, have a good job, care for his child, pay child support on time, and does what he needs to do. He is my difficult child yet he is very productive and his GFGness has nothing to do with gaming and, at his age, I have no control over it anyway. I didn't cause it nor did you. It just is.
I'm glad you are getting help for your daughter as it does seem as if something is wrong. And you are right, of course, that most teens are not unduly rude to their family. Reclusive, sometimes. More interested in their peers, of course...that's growing up. However, most of us come here because we are aware that our children/adult children exceed the "norms" of societal behaviors and we are looking for help and to learn how to cope with it.
Like everything else in life, read everything you see and take what you feel is helpful and leave the rest. I have learned a lot from this forum in the posts of certain people. Others, while they may be totally valid in their thinking, don't resonate with me as well. I tend to just take what I need and feel is good and leave the rest. Like I said, we are not professionals and we are all struggling or we would not be here.
Oh and I hope the links I gave are of some help to you. You were describing not in control behavior while using the computer (cursing at the computer) and extreme mood swings. The depression. We replied at the same time so wasn't sure if you saw them, just scroll up. Hope they do help.
I'm sorry my suggestion of getting rid of technology offended you so badly. But I thought since your daughter was addicted and it was ruining her life so badly, you would do anything you needed to do to help. That's where I was coming from on it. And I didn't mean to say get rid of it permanently if it did come off that way.
I'm sorry my suggestion of getting rid of technology offended you so badly. But I thought since your daughter was addicted and it was ruining her life so badly, you would do anything you needed to do to help. That's where I was coming from on it. And I didn't mean to say get rid of it permanently if it did come off that way.
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I started her bad behavior when I gave her cart blanche use of computer over summer. I was at work my wife was busy. She had few friends. To old for camp. It just spiraled out of control. She was showing signs of depression before this. The medications helped to a point. Now that she's not in school it's worse because she has no other distraction. When she missed school she would tell me she didn't care if I took her phone or computer away. Which I did. So the gaming is only part of problem. I use to have software to monitor her and lock computer down. Then the computer died and when repaired never put it back on. She is not as bad as most kids I have read about in this forum. For all I know she may be playing me 50 percent of time just to be spiteful. I too can get into my ipad. I read a lot. So I take some blame but have been unable to reverse slide. I'll be hearing from her case manger next week and I'm sure she is going to want us to visit some of these Residential Treatment Center (RTC) places. Wish I could afford a therapeutic school but it's like sending your kid to college. I can't mortgage my house again for that when push comes to shove and she is in a corner I'm sure she will say I'll behave and listen and go to school.
Ok, I went back and re-read everything. I see where the misunderstanding was on both of our parts. I was only focusing on when you said in response to someone else "it's not drugs, I'm sure. It's more of a game addiction". However, I went back to your first post and see where you said she had depression before the gaming. This whole time I was under the strong assumption (by my own unintentional fault) that the major issue was a gaming addiction so that's how I was addressing it,first as a gaming addiction and then just normal teenage rebellion as secondary. I didn't mean to come off harshly, I really didn't. But if you go back to some of my own previous post back in October, I do have a fear of Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, psychiatric hospitals, places of that nature. I was freaking out when my daughter was in the pysch hospital. You can read it for yourself if you don't believe me, and when MWM said she could get killed in there and other things of that nature, I think I freaked out because that furthered my paranoia about those places. I was only looking out for your daughters well being. I really hope you can forgive me.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I did not literally mean killed.
Check out the RTCs. They are all different.
Your fear of psychiatric hospitals would maybe make it best if you do not talk about them. Nothing bad happened to your daughter in that hospital. Your fear is unfounded, in my experience. I have been in psychiatric hospitals. I spent ten weeks in one and it was very helpful to me. That was the beginning of my healing. There are also outpatient clinics. Since you have said you don't trust therapy in general it is not fair, in my opinion, to try to talk others out of getting the help they feel their children need. Your own fear hinders the advice you can rationally give to others. Most of our kids here need help more than anything else...in the way of the mental health community.
Your own daughter is not doing well. You need to get yourself together as well and Id on't believe you are getting treatment for your own bipolar, which may play into all the postings here. We do care about one another and our children, including you and your daughter, however we don't look out for other people here. We are all intelligent adults who can gather data and make our own decisions on what is right for our own situations.
I've always felt it's best to share my own experiences only and let others decide what they feel about them. For example, I will not give anyone any feedback about the inside of drug rehabs, since I have never had a child who has been inside of one and I have never been inside of one. That makes me not a very good resource about drug rehab centers.
It is always smart to check out any resource you are trying to put your child into, however to classify them all as dangerous or the same without ever having had the experience, is inaccurate and in my opinion unfair. Fortunately, Drew seems to think for himself.
To me not going for help, doing nothing, not treating an illness or a child's illness is the most dangerous route. Once they turn eighteen, it is out of our hands. If you had posted here when your daughter was sixteen and have told the story you did now that your daughter is eighteen, I would have told you to get her help; that she needed to be evaluated and to possibly get ongoing therapy. This particular forum is for those with minor children who can still be helped...who we still have some control over.
Check out the RTCs. They are all different.
Your fear of psychiatric hospitals would maybe make it best if you do not talk about them. Nothing bad happened to your daughter in that hospital. Your fear is unfounded, in my experience. I have been in psychiatric hospitals. I spent ten weeks in one and it was very helpful to me. That was the beginning of my healing. There are also outpatient clinics. Since you have said you don't trust therapy in general it is not fair, in my opinion, to try to talk others out of getting the help they feel their children need. Your own fear hinders the advice you can rationally give to others. Most of our kids here need help more than anything else...in the way of the mental health community.
Your own daughter is not doing well. You need to get yourself together as well and Id on't believe you are getting treatment for your own bipolar, which may play into all the postings here. We do care about one another and our children, including you and your daughter, however we don't look out for other people here. We are all intelligent adults who can gather data and make our own decisions on what is right for our own situations.
I've always felt it's best to share my own experiences only and let others decide what they feel about them. For example, I will not give anyone any feedback about the inside of drug rehabs, since I have never had a child who has been inside of one and I have never been inside of one. That makes me not a very good resource about drug rehab centers.
It is always smart to check out any resource you are trying to put your child into, however to classify them all as dangerous or the same without ever having had the experience, is inaccurate and in my opinion unfair. Fortunately, Drew seems to think for himself.
To me not going for help, doing nothing, not treating an illness or a child's illness is the most dangerous route. Once they turn eighteen, it is out of our hands. If you had posted here when your daughter was sixteen and have told the story you did now that your daughter is eighteen, I would have told you to get her help; that she needed to be evaluated and to possibly get ongoing therapy. This particular forum is for those with minor children who can still be helped...who we still have some control over.
MWM, it's what you said so to Drew. You said she could be killed and a whole slew of things. NOw you didn't "mean it like that" All it takes is for one to go back and read it. Am I making it up? No. And you're wrong, my daughter is doing way better since she has gotten out of the psychiatric hospital. She is stable on medications , stopped smoking weed, has a job and has been living at my brothers for over a month now with no incident thus far at his house, which are all in my previous postings. Sure we had some bad times since she was out of the hospital. I'm not claiming a miracle happened. As far as my own mental health, none of your concern. I could easily say that about your own postings as well, especially one not too long ago, but unlike you, I won't be as unkind to throw that up in your face just to prove a silly point as you have done to me, multiple times.
Am I in the twlight zone?
honestly, you , of all people, have a lot of nerve to say this when you constantly and consistently force your opinions down peoples throats. I can't believe you would even say such a thing.
I'm going to lock this thread at this point because it seems to me that at this point there is too much going on that is between members and not being helpful to Drew. Drew, as you can see we all have a variety of opinions and I hope you will stick around.
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