New today....

[Robinboots]

I believe he was very upset when we took everything away back in Nov (duh!), including grounding, but that seemed waaaaaay out of proportion to the punishment. In other words, on Fri night he seemed resigned to it, not happy of course, and by the next day he was simply furious and totally belligerent and rebellious. Again, talking to his dad that day he was the same way, which is SO not ever happened.

He did gradually get his "stuff" back, and was pretty much ungrounded over Christmas break. But the altercations/incidents do seem to happen a day or so after he's been with friends. I know he's had at least one conversation on Facebook re a friend's being busted for pot. We do have alcohol in the house, but don't think he's ever been in it..... Yeah, I know.....

I have found zero physical evidence in his room or backpack.....but that could mean it just wasn't there on those particular days.

My first husband was a pot addict, so I'm familiar with the signs but only those "old-time" drugs, not the new ones.

It does seem as though, when he was really, really angry, his eyes were very red.... Anger, or drugs? Never seen them like this before, even during early childhood temper tantrums.

 

[Jena]

without sons consent? oh my that's insanity.

hi and welcome this is a good place to be.

did he exhibit any behaviors early on through his development? any sleep problems? does he fall asleep easily and stay asleep? does he have any social interaction skills? does he have any type of anxiety issues? how is he in the actual classroom? controlled?

sorry alot of questions just wondering....

good luck
jen

 

[BusynMember]

Get an at home drug test. From experience with daughter, pot doesn't make you get violent. Amphetamines, especially Adderall and other ADHD medications, are highly abused by teens and easy to get. My daughter says her and her friends used to crush them in pillcrushers and snort them with or without other drugs (like cocaine). Trust me, when she told me what she used to do, I almost died of shock and horror. It's so much better to be proactive. I had no idea that she was doing anything besides pot and drinking (and thought that was bad enough).
We have no drugs or alcohol in our house. If they want to get it, they will. Daughter said kids used to smoke pot on the way to school, get older people to buy them booze by waiting outside of gas stations and stopping "hip looking" 20's folks, etc. Sneaky is thy word. From my daughter's lips: "Never trust a druggie." She used to lie with tears in her eyes when I asked about drug use and tell me how mean I was to accuse her of doing something like that and I'd feel guilty.
Not until she turned sixteen and got careless (she started early, at 12) did I find evidence of drug use in her room, and I had to really dig at every corner.

 

[Robinboots]

without sons consent? oh my that's insanity.

hi and welcome this is a good place to be.

did he exhibit any behaviors early on through his development? any sleep problems? does he fall asleep easily and stay asleep? does he have any social interaction skills? does he have any type of anxiety issues? how is he in the actual classroom? controlled?

sorry alot of questions just wondering....

good luck
jen

No odd behaviors, some lying, "kid stuff", etc. No sleep problems, sleeps like a rock as soon as head hits pillow, sleeps all night. Very, very social, never met a stranger. No anxiety, controlled in the classroom and well-behaved at school. He did get kicked out of a private school, 5th grade, for making a comment to a girl, and I pulled him out of public, 7th grade, when he was assaulted (suspect his smart mouth precipitated that).

 

[Robinboots]

I know about pot - more lethargy and lack of motivation, ambition, etc. More concerned about newer stuff..... He does have all new friends as we moved here August 1.

 

[Jena]

without sons consent? oh my that's insanity.

hi and welcome this is a good place to be.

did he exhibit any behaviors early on through his development? any sleep problems? does he fall asleep easily and stay asleep? does he have any social interaction skills? does he have any type of anxiety issues? how is he in the actual classroom? controlled?

sorry alot of questions just wondering....

good luck
jen

 

[bzymomto4]

My son has put us through exact same thing. only my brother is a cop, so no official call put in, but an official visit by the uncle. I had suspected drugs, but not it. by the way you can get OTC drug tests for certain commonly abused drugs at CVS. mine has been between diagnosis of depression, mood disorder, BiPolar (BP),odd,adhd - and had pathological sleep problems that contributed. At this point things are looking up with him on only depakote. But I hear your frustrations, we had previously been at the point where the psychologist said it was time to get a PINS petition. We held off, and I think we're past that point ( when he was at his most severe) I'm can't say wether we better off now or not having done it or if things would be easier today than they are if we followed through. But I do know addressing the sleep problems and now using the depakote has made a big difference.

 

[Robinboots]

What's a PINS petition?

His last outburst was Thursday right before the IHT came for her appointment; he was badgering me about using the computer, getting his laptop back, repeating that we'd taken his math book, etc. and starting to blow up. He'd also been on the house phone trash-talking and cursing us till husband unplugged the phone. I recorded some of it, just in case.

The IHT came, we all sat down and she asked me and husband what was going on. When it was son's turn, he immediately started lying (I don't do ANYTHING, they just start beating me, etc.). And I looked right him and said, tell the truth, just please, tell the truth! He got up and took off for his room, the IHT followed and they talked in there. He stayed there the rest of the session/night.

Since then, however, he's been fine. Friday we got word from the military school (but haven't told him), Saturday he had a tech day at school but called at 3 saying they were leaving early and going out with friends; I told him to wait for his dad, who was on his way, and he did, but I got somewhat of an earful on the phone. Last night he was on the house phone, speaking in a very low voice, I did catch things like "she's right here, can't talk now, etc." But he hasn't called me any names since Thurs either..... ha

Today he was fine, as well. Keep in mind there is no lock on his door now, in fact, there has been no door since last Sunday when he wouldn't open it and we broke it down. I have not seen his backpack since Thurs, or maybe Fri. I also have his window rigged so if he gets out at night we can tell - this was after early this past week when he accused us of opening his window all night.....sigh.

 

[bzymomto4]

They don't all make it easy, that's for sure. In NY a PINS petition stands for a person in need of supervision. A judge hears the petition and makes the ruling. If they are put on PINS, then they may start out living at home. They have a court appointed person responsible for keeping the rules set by the judge enforced. The rules are what you would expect - no illegal activity, no truency, follow house and school rules, cerfew. If they break them then you aren't fruitlessly punishing a kid who will do anything to challenge your authority. There comes a point when , if the infractions are severe enough then the consequence may be a group home for an assigned period of time. My brother really made me question using this method because the problems of kids on PINS can have a wide range of sevarity. I didn't do it at the time, but I'm not sure if I completely agree with his point of view. If I understood everything correctly then I believe even when the child lives with you, the court is the legal guardian until the issues are resolved.

 

[Robinboots]

In spite of a lack of incidents for the past 3 whole days (!), I felt awful today. Last Sunday's altercation ocurred when I decided I'd had enough and was taking back my house; a week has passed, and while we've had those three days of no explosions, and he's been fairly respectful, pleasant, and polite - we haven't taken steps towards our goals either. The IHT stated our goals, and the first is following house rules - not us, our son. The respectful one he has followed (for the three days), but we've kinda dropped the ball on asking/reminding him of the others. Now, he is 15 and has been doing this stuff for at least 10 years....

After church, husband said let's keep the kids busy today; I said fine, thinking we'd go to WM and maybe some open houses, whatever. I was ready, and really didn't feel like doing much, but then husband says oh, their playing video games, let's wait. So I waited. And waited. He and the boys did a few other things. I finally took a nap. Naturally, I'm up now, even tho half asleep all evening. I made dinner and then "lost it" again, with husband, but not as bad as earlier.

I want my life back! I know, many of you are amazing me with your stories, and this feels pretty mild. husband has his job, boys have school and activities, and I have - all this ****. I already put off my LSAT in Dec, and can't imagine being able to retake in Feb (2 wks). I have nothing but stress and trying to answer questions and fix things and make decisions. I know I'm depressed - who wouldn't be?

I told husband all this, and he does try to understand. When he picked up our son from youth group bowling, he reiterated the rules, etc. and said while he'd been pleasant the last few days, there was more to it than that. He also asked about homework (still no sign of the backpack). I did get an email back from one teacher saying he'd been doing work......

I don't know. I feel like I can't handle any more, yet I keep doing it.....

 

[flutterbee]

I don't know. I feel like I can't handle any more, yet I keep doing it.....

I so know that feeling. Some days I felt like I was just going through the motions.

I don't have any profound words to offer. All I can say is that you will get through this and so will your son. Not many things in life are permanent.

(((((((hugs))))))

Take care of you.

 

[wakeupcall]

I know the feeling that this has no end. It seems to go on and on and on. I think you will find that if your child has a mood disorder, for instance, that you will have some kind of unrest in your home for the duration. We have to be very, very strong......and we are. YOU are, too. Take a deeeep breath, put your head down, and plow through all the stuff to regain some control of the entire situation. Even some minor control as you gain strength will give you a feeling of power and progress. Good luck.

 

[Coookie]

No words of wisdom but I did want to welcome you. And send you some gentle hugs.

 

[Robinboots]

Thanks so much everyone!

No school today, so I'm home alone with both boys (I have a 10yo as well). husband is at work and the IHT is expected at 4-ish. Here's hoping things will go well!