New Year New Attitude

[Weary Mother]

Well, I have not posted for a while but am going to leave this update today just to clear my mind and hopefully hear some feedback from everyone. The saga of my daughter is now at the point that she has no job, due to a failed arrangement with her daughter to babysit her grandson. The daughter quit her job and shipped the 5 mo. old to her older sister who now is raising him. So my daughter is in an apartment with rent needing to be paid and bills she has not way to pay, a vehicle that has died etc, etc. She left here on really bad terms last year and has been in Missouri for nearly a year now. She is trying to get a job within walking distance to her apartment and has made some changes. She is not complaining or whining or crying but rather says that she wants to work a while and think about what she really wants to do. She probably wants to come back here due to her grandchildren being here, but wants to work long enough to be able to make her own way back and not rely on us or anyone to provide that for her. I think that is a good idea. So for now I am just being a moral support to her and have told her that I could be here to talk to and would support any good decisions she makes and do care about her. That is all I can do for now.

 

[Childofmine]

Weary Mother, bless you. It sounds like your daughter is doing what she needs to do as a grown woman in a tough situation. Figuring it out and taking responsibility. I understand for you, it's hard to hear, and you wish things were better for her. Let her make them better for herself, with you playing the role you identify above---being supportive and caring.

Grown people have to solve their own problems. If they aren't able to, they can never really grow up and become an adult.

Be there for her---within reason. Focus on yourself and your own life and love her from a distance in order to avoid getting too involved. That is the best way to love our grown adult offspring.

 

[Catmom]

Weary mom....praying that things work out for her. If she is willing to take the responsibility to work things out, that is definitely a step in the right direction. Keep encouraging her, that is the best thing you can do besides praying.

 

[AppleCori]

Hi, WM.

I am so sorry about your daughter.

However, it does seem to be a better situation for her grandchild to be with her other, more stable daughter. I bet she is glad about that.

Has she applied for public housing, food stamps, medicaid, etc?

That may be her best bet, in the short term, until she gets a job and some stability.

Is her daughter still living in the house?

 

[Weary Mother]

Apple and Catmom: Thanks for the reply, I really gain strength when I hear from you all. I do agree that she needs to work at resolving her life and I am willing to help minimally IF she takes responsibility. And yes the older daughter having the 5 mo. old is good at least for now. My daughter lives in Missouri, she gets food stamps but in order to get medicaid for an adult, you have to be on disability, at least that is what I am told. I would imagine that Missouri has some form of state medicaid and in order to get medical help you must have some disability. My daughter has opened a claim, but has not followed up on it. She lived in public housing during the years her kids were small and is not wanting to live in public housing again unless she has no other choice. Since her van is not working she is also limited on being able to accept jobs too far from where she lives which is another limitation that I feel bad for her to have. So also, her disabled daughter is still living with her in the small one bedroom apartment she has had for a few months, but I have told her that in my opinion she needs to tell her daughter that she either gets her disability back (she lost it due to attempting to work and failing to provide the required paperwork to reinstate it when she failed the work test) and starts taking care of herself or get out. That sounds harsh, but as I told my daughter, she will drag you down with her and at this point your well being is all you can handle. Ironic to tell her that, but then I turn around and have a hard time accepting that same thing for myself. But one day at a time is all I can manage so for now I am watching, waiting and hoping for the best. She has a job interview today at 10am for a nursing home position, and she is really trying to get work so I am morally supporting her in hopes she will be able to pull out of this.

 

[Weary Mother]

Hallelujah, my daughter has a job. I feel so relieved!!!

 

[Teriobe]

Omg thats great

 

[Mamacat]

I heard from my granddaughters today and I spoke to their mom, my daughter. I had not heard from her in 4 1/2 months. She was very friendly and described what their life has been like. They were almost on the street. They are now in a two bedroom apt. She is the leasing agent for the apt. Building and her boyfriend, who is also her ex husband is there also and working as the handyman. I'm kinda shocked to hear from her. Can't be quite sure yet how I feel. Feels like I want to proceed cautioualy

 

[BusynMember]

If she is borderline (forgot if she is or not) protect your heart and expect her to suddenly turn again. Wear a suit of armour. Enjoy now. Relish each positive moment. Drop expectations of sudden long term stability. Keep up your guard.

Im glad you got to speak to your grands!! I hope your daughter maintains this mindset for a while.

 

[Mamacat]

Thank you SWOT. Yes, I understand. I've learned so much from all if you. She may need to travel back to our state to testify in a court case where biological dad wants unsupervised visits. I know she has no money for the trip so a request for money may be coming. She may be buttering me up. I'll proceed with caution.

 

[Mamacat]

Like I said my daughter has contacted me. I spoke to both granddaughters. What is surprising me is how I feel. After crying buckets of tears, I thought I'd be happy. I don't feel happy. I don't feel much except anxiety, like what does she want. She sent a picture of the three of them. It feels like I don't want to contact her, which in the past was almost a daily thing. Things have changed. I don't trust her. She's about 1,000 miles away. The thing that really surprises me is I don't want to speak to my granddaughters. I just want to be left alone. I don't understand.

 

[BusynMember]

I think I do. You plain dont want to get hurt again and you dont trust your daughter for good reason. You want peace. And she brings chaos.

Hugs to you.