No bravado - he did use

[flutterby]

Steely, your responses are always way more harsh and way more cruel than anyone who cares enough to respond to you. Honestly, I don't know why people continue to come back for more abuse. I can think of several people who were only trying to help, and offering support, just to have you turn around and slam them.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Steely, Matt makes his decision everytime he decides to "use"................ he then figures out he has no place to live, no food, no job, so he will reluctantly go back into the program until he gets bored with the rules, then off he goes again...........

I don't know all the facts of your situation, so it would be difficult for me to tell you what direction to go with your son, but I will offer an opinion......

In the case of my son, we tried many programs, different schools, many therapists, wilderness experience, but he still wanted to live by HIS rules........ plus I do believe he has antisocial personality, but never diagnosed........ he is presently in prison and as bad as it sounds at least I know where he is and he isn't hurting anyone .......... I thought when I had a family, what if I had a child who was physically deformed?, What if the child was slow to develop? ........... What I didn't think about was What if I raised a criminal? Now I don't think your son is there yet............ My son steals things he hasn't worked for or earned........... his only saving grace was he wasn't physically violent......... he would break into places at night when no one was there to confront............. yeah, a mother's rationalization, but had to find something good to say.............

It seems from my perspective that your son has not learned the cause and effect idea........... if he does drugs he will be thrown out of the program..... if he chooses drugs he will be out on the street............. if he does drugs he will not have the support of his mother/family...........
Matt has yet to really understand the last two choices............... your "rescues" have saved him from learning the hard way...... that being said in your shoes I would try the living on his own under the wing of the program WITH the stipulation that this is the last shot at earning your help............ now you haven't followed thru on cutting off help before and he is fully aware of how to push your buttons............ and it will not be easy, but YOU must be emphatic about NO HELP, if he leaves this program................. your life is just as important as his and he is taking up all your energy and taking YOUR life with his choices............... Now I don't say this lightly, because I am a mother too, but YOU must make it clear that you will END the monetary support................. you have done what you could and he needs to know his choices, his life.................

Just my 2 cents....................... your only responsibilty is to make him understand your resolve to no longer support his drug habits................................. good luck

 

[DammitJanet]

Steely, I cant see where anyone, Suz included, was harsh to you. I just re-read your initial posts and I cant see where you wrote that the place was providing the living arrangements. The fact that they put him out on the street and you had to pony up for a motel room made me think that they werent and that you and Matt were going to have to come up with some sort of apartment or rooming house for him that he could afford with a job.

I believe this is a soft place to land but we all wont always like what everyone says to us. Also you have to remember that the written word may come across a bit differently than what the poster intended to say. You cant see body language. As always, take what you can and leave the rest.