OH OK I SEE how this works

[Star*]

Well - there are days and then .....there are ignorant people that make you want to forget you are human and just go postal on their sorry do what we gotta do to get buy.

The CW Armed with information to the teeth - went to the group home yesterday. I called Dude and told him that whatever he had going on he needed to BE AT THE HOUSE for this meeting. They always have their meetings and don't let him sit in on them. Then Dude is frustrated and I don't get the absolute straight poop from anyone.

So Dude waited - The CW came, they started to excuse themselves from Dude and he said "Not this time - whatever you have to say I want said in front of me this time and from now on too." A little surprised - they reluctantly said ok. But the house manager started 'his' spiel, and then Dude interjected his thoughts (basically he's a liar) and then the conversation came up that I was privy to - and the man lied again.

CW told Dude there is not another placement for him to go to - and Dude said he didn't believe that. CW said there was a placement but it's a psychiatric hospital and gave him the choice. WELL DUH - They said they are out of options with him. (that I could believe) but don't.

It boiled down to Dude staying there another 7 months until he's 18 and then telling them goodbye. (roll eyes) GREAT JOB TEAM. wow i HARDLY KNOW WHAT MY TAX DOLLARS ARE DOING.

If I make formal complaints and shut the house down - he comes home to live with us. If I let him stay there - they keep paying for it until he's 18.

Nice huh?

Oh and the progress reports - NONE - NILL - ZILCH - NADA.

So from here on out - they better have them. And I better get a copy.

And as far as leaving him there - Dude said he's okay with it for now - but hates it.

I feel like - well I just dont' know what I feel like.

FLARP - I feel like FLARP.

 

[Shari]

Oh, Star...

things just shouldn't be this way. So many things.

I'm sorry.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Well, his treatment won't improve, I'm sure. The house people are probably aware there is no alternative placement and he won't be going home, so I'm sure they will be biding their time and nothing positive will happen with DUDE......so sorry, when there could be positive changes to help him.........BUMMER!

 

[mrscatinthehat]

That bites, blows, svcks and many other things that I really shouldn't type. What a bunch of horse hockey. I really don't understand how case workers think sometimes. I hope that something positive can happen here. Not sure what but I can hope for you.

Sending many hugs,

Beth

 

[hearts and roses]

Wow, Star, so sorry, that's just awful and not right and not fair and just so very very wrong! Wish there was an answer.

 

[Star*]

Well, I can't shut them down - but I AM going to make them accountable for a report.

They probably aren't going to like what we're going to require them to do the next 7 months -

I will keep thinking positive thoughts that this is where he's supposed to be, not interfere, and do what I can to force them to be accountable and run this place like a group home.

Unreal - I'm still just amazed.

 

[meowbunny]

Did the CW make the "adults" accountable at all for past actions such as charging the kids to go to school and the like, for letting the kids run wild, for the obvious teasing and heckling that goes on there? If nothing else, it seems like some rules need to be changed and that should be highly doable. Both the kids and adults should be held accountable.

Maybe there should be another meeting with you present as well? Since the CW doesn't like to be around you when you speak the truth, it might be time for all to hear the words of Star?

I'm sorry he's stuck there. There is something so very wrong with a system that does this to kids. Strangely, I can deal with a foster or group home admitting it is just a holding cell for a kid if they're honest about it. If you don't or can't do anything for the kids in your custody, say so! Let the system and parents (and even the kid) decide that this is the only alternative at this time but be up front about it. Don't say you can do this and that for the kid and then do nothing. Collect your money and be done with it. Let the CW determine what other services they can offer for the kid while being babysat.

Okay, off this soapbox.

Just HUGS. I know there aren't any real answers in a situation like this. I just wish there were.

 

[DammitJanet]

Star....have you considered some placements near me? I have also seen a place advertised on my tv as a home for boys. Now I doubt it would be terribly therapeutic but they said they give therapy on the ad. I think its in the MB or Florence area. There is another place up here in Lake Waccamaw.

 

[susiestar]

Can you hold the CW accountable for taxi fare to and from school and a job? This is what they said they would do, and they haven't. I know it isn't in their budgets, but to Hades with their budgets. If I budgeted like they do I would be in court. So what is one more set of charges???

I do think that at the next meeting it would be beneficial if YOU were there.

Hugs,

Susie

ps. How about calls every week to the CW to see if he has found a new placement?? Dude can NOT have been in every single one, there has to be at least 4 or 5 he hasn't been in. And what about out of state placements?? Or an older couple willing to try? Or putting him in his own apartment near a school and job, with subsidies for food, to keep you from suing?

Just thoughts, I know this FLARPs. MEGA-FLARPS.

Susie

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Flip-flarps. Those are the WORST.

 

[Hound dog]

Star

That just stinks...... on a Royal level.

But I'm sitting here wondering. I wonder, you know with all the scandles of kids in state care being neglected/abused/dying and such........ I wonder how the public would feel if they knew the situation at this "group home" and the fact that your son has to stay in a neglectful/abusive environment just because the state wants to give you an excuse they have no where else to place him.

Either Dude stays or goes to psychiatric hospital/home? Sounds like blackmail to me. Of course Dude isn't going to want to go to a psychiatric hospital, and of course you can't have him there. CW knew that when they offered it as a solution. So group home gets to stay open and keep doing/not doing, state is happy cuz no one is gonna expose the situation. And you and Dude are majorly s crewed. (cuz if Dude thinks it was bad before, just wait)

I wonder how a reporter might look at such an awful situation. Because this really doesn't just involve you and Dude. It involves the other kids there and their parents as well, along with any kids that go there in the future. And I'm sure you could give a reporter enough eye popping anonymous information to get him started on a full fedge investigation.

Does this group home make a habit of taking the worst hard to place kids? If they do, could it be that they choose these kids knowing that if a parent makes a complain nothing will be done because there is supposedly no where else to place their child?

I dunno. Guess I'm just thinking out loud. But dang it, seeing these people get away with what they've been doing just burns me up.

 

[Steely]

I like the idea of the press. Seriously. Or the governor, or someone. I am so sick of this cr@p happening to our troubled kids, and no one doing anything to change it.
I worry about how much damage could happen to Dude, psychologically, if he stays there even 8 more months. I think phosph might even be a better option.
You are still his parent, you should be able to insist where he resides.

 

[Coookie]

Oh Star...

I like Lisa's idea. Funny how things change when brought out into the light of day sometimes. I would be pulling what little hair I have left out.

Sending hugs....

 

[Scent of Cedar II]

I like the notifying the press idea, too.

And it just might work.

There are so many parents now who are learning that those so-expensive "solutions" were not much more than con games.

I have such a bad taste in my mouth about treatment centers.

Horrible, ineffective places.

What I did notice though Star, is that your Dude seemed able to stand up for and defend himself.

Go, Dude!

The facility is as trapped by this situation as Dude is ~ but that does not mean inappropriate behavior on the facility's part should be tolerated.

What actions have they taken to assure that this kind of abuse will not occur again?

Either they will have taken some action, or officially filing a complaint is validated.

You are not powerless in this situation and neither is Dude.

Not entirely, and not forever.

What about some public personality ~ the dreaded Dr. Phil or someone like that? You never do know what kind of help might be out there ~ and at this point you have nothing to lose.

Which means you are free, and powerful in a way you were not, before.

Wishing well and sending strength, Star.

Barbara

 

[1905]

I think it's common knowledge to CW what's REALLY going on in that home, CW chooses to stick their head in the sand. It's less work for them, nobody cares, plus since nobody is ever held accountable there is nothing or no one motivating a change. Someone'll just fill out a sugar coated report.

He's learning alot about life in that home.
Everything else he does will be easier.
The squeaky wheel gets the grease, I would be up CW's behind so far, so Dude can get basic rights. Ask CW who is above their head, and make it known that you will go to the top of the food chain because this is crazy.
I would tell them you'll take them to court if changes aren't made. You can do that, or challenge any decisions they make that you don't like.

 

[Star*]

The contingency group that takes care of this IS through the governors office in SC. (are you just sick?)

I have a meeting with the director tomorrow - and hadn't thought of telling the press or anything (great idea Daisy - thanks)

I am so thankful to have all of you when things like this go - because when you are in the tornado it's hard to see the clear air and have other good thoughts -

I will meet with this woman and then if I get NO satisfaction I will do a little 'blackmail' of my own. They've had budget cuts, and everyone is job scared.

Thanks all -
Hugs
Star

Janet I asked about out of state and they are reluctant to do so because of him paying restitution to the state of SC victims. So I don't think that is a go. The place in Florence was offered, maybe we'll take another look at that. It didn't seem to be much better than where he is and was downtown. I don't know of any place in MB - Gosh I would like that...lol.

Never heard of a GH there-

Nice to know so many "aunties" are out there lending support.

You all are the best - ever.

Hugs
Star