parenting a difficult child

[KFld]

I have parented both a difficult child and a easy child and the difference is night and day. I sometimes post about the way easy child reacts to things so differently then difficult child because I guess it still amazes sometimes that something that could be so difficult with a difficult child, can be so much simpler with a easy child.

My difficult child son is 20 and my easy child daughter is 17. I thought my difficult child was going to be the death of me, but I made it!!

There were so many years that I was so consumed and exhausted by him, that I sometimes doubted I would survive. I think back now though and I'm glad I put so much time and energy into him because I never really questions if I did enough? I know I did, and more :smile:

 

[dreamer]

I remember learning in HS child dev class that raising kids can be the most difficult thing anyone would ever do.....and goodness, I remember my mom and all my aunts saying the same thing over and over and over.........did I believe them? nope. I assumed my mom and my aunts were stupid and that I was much smarter than they were. Partly, my mom was quite quite young when she had me, so I thought if I had age on my side that would help. Ironically I do not know how many times now I have wished I had been younger - LOL- and maybe more energetic? LOL.

Is my easy child "easier"? Not in my opinion. DIfferent yes, easier? not necessarily.

I used to think my kids HAD to do everything just becuz I said so- but then a doctor pointed out to me that does not permit the kids the chance to exercise their own thoughts and ideas. When my nervous, anxiety child would refuse to do things becuz of HER past experiences, I would get frustrated till doctor pointed out, hey- SHe DID learn from her previous experience----

I am now very very alone with my husband and kids.....all of my previous support network of family passed away in the last 18 months........but I read a lot of parent boards and I find it interesting- sometimes people say they find their family too intrusive and creating more problems than help.........or they do not wish to allow family to help for a variety of reasons-

When I worked in the nursing home, I would be with a lot og grandparents and great grandparents whose grandkids would come visit. Most of the time the grandparents said they got on great with the grandkids partly becuz the parents of the kids had a hard time permitting the kids to be who they are. Maybe the grandparents were not bound by feeling judged as much by how the grandkids turned out? The grandparents never seemed to mind the tatoos, the weird clothes etc as much as the parents did, and the grandkids felt more comfortable coming and talking to the grandparents.

But it is my opinion parenting IS hard.whether you have difficult children or PCs.

 

[Fran]

<span style='font-size: 11pt'>Jannie, I never thought I could be more over stressed than raising difficult child. He was and is an obstinate person with no sense of balance between his needs and the demands of life around him. I know I'm a smarter, stronger, more patient parent but I wouldn't wish the experience I had with difficult child on my worst enemy. The only thing that got me through was loving difficult child and being committed to doing right by him as a parent.
To flip the coin around, my easy child is nice kid and is easy compared to difficult child but yet, I had several scares of the medical nature the past two years. I don't think anything is as hard as wondering if a decision I made for his medical care would somehow backfire and cause him brain damage or years of disability.
What I'm trying to point out is that parenting is harder and scarier than anyone ever imagines until one is in the thick of it. difficult child's are frustrating and there is little reward in the earlier years. No one really sees your struggle or the grief you are in. No one seems to validate how hard a difficult child is to raise.
easy child;s run into other problems. The thought of him not being able to follow his dreams or meet his potential because of a medical problem is a pretty hefty burden to carry and hide.(can't let easy child see those fears). I get a lot of "how can you let him go so far away?".
Parenting either kid has been a challenge and hard. Different but still challenging. I understand how the day to day struggle and feeling of hopelessness wears you down. I didn't think I could be any more frightened for my child's future than I was with difficult child but I found that with difficult child you don't get as much support as you do with medical problems. The fear of their future is the same however.

Hang in there. It's really a long road and we have to pace ourselves for all the ups and downs life throws at us.
Parenting is not for cowards. </span>