Personal Growth Stuff Thread

[recoveringenabler]

I love that Russian story. Well, I had never looked at it like that but that makes so much sense now! Having a witness, or witnesses to our sorrow, to our tears, seems so important, yes, I really get that........that would certainly melt the facade away and offer up a real sense of belonging to something larger then us, the human family, the universal sorrow. Thank you Cedar for that story.

and who knows how many generations of children were made to suffer that same condemnation since the injury first occurred and began to be passed down ~ beneath a judgment that was an error to begin with.

I was just reading in Comfortable in uncertainty about that very thing Cedar. The quote is: "The Dharma (the truth of what is) can heal our wounds, our very ancient wounds that come not from original sin but from a misunderstanding so old that we can no longer see it. The instruction is to relate compassionately with where we find ourselves and to begin to see our predicament as workable. We are struck in patterns of grasping and fixating, which cause the same thoughts and reactions to occur again and again. This is how we project our world. When we see that, even if it's only for one second every three weeks, then we naturally discover the knack of reversing this process of making things solid, the knack of stopping the catastrophic world as we know it, of putting down our centuries of baggage and stepping into new territory."

We here, are certainly doing that, stepping into new territory." And, we are all doing a stellar job of it too.

It doesn't seem that there is anything I have to do but acknowledge the feelings. Which is impossibly hard not to do, since the buggers are overwhelming.

Seems so small to say it, but going with it is a whole other story. Our fear of those feelings is enormous.............or we would all be happily feeling them. And, we are not.

Another quote from Comfortable with uncertainty which I read last night before sleep.............it so moved me and made so much sense..........here it is: "Always maintain only a joyful mind. As we train in unblocking our hearts, we'll find that every moment contains the free-flowing openness and warmth that characterize unlimited joy. This is the path we take in cultivating joy: learning not to armor our basic goodness, learning to appreciate what we have. Most of the time we don't do this. Rather then appreciate where we are, we continually struggle and nurture our dissatisfaction. It's like trying to get the flowers to grow by pouring cement on the garden. But as we practice, we may come to the point where we see the magic of the present moment; we may gradually wake up to the truth that we have always been warriors living in the sacred world. This is the ongoing experience of limitless joy. We won't always experience this, it's true. But year by year it becomes more and more accessible."

Learning not to armor our basic goodness..............aren't we in the process of doing that? And, learning to appreciate what we have..................aren't we practicing gratitude? And, haven't we been talking about the sacred world, in which we are certainly warriors. Wow. Reading that had a huge impact on me. Simple words which seem to me to be the truth we are always reaching towards and then floundering as we "grasp and fixate." I am in awe of all of it and feeling quite blessed to be here with all of you as we experience our limitless joy.

And, to that end, I would like to say a very heart felt thank you to all of the warrior parents here who share this journey with me..........

And, seriously, a cruise with all of you sounds like a gift from the Gods............if that becomes real, I am in.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

The instruction is to relate compassionately with where we find ourselves and to begin to see our predicament as workable.

"Some things are because you name them. You perpetuate them in your language, you commiserate over the woe they have wrought you. Say simply that these things are NOT so. Do not change the label but the labelness. Eliminate them from your life by washing them first from your tongue. Ignoring that which is false is also a knowing. Thus ~ learning. To learn is to grow and to grow is to live. You may practice forgetting and thus learn.

Avata washes your tongue here that you may properly inflect the name and then forget it.

Avata brings you this to cleanse you of expectancies.

You are the observer-effect.

Frank Herbert / Bill Ransom
The Jesus Incident

As we train in unblocking our hearts, we'll find that every
moment contains the free-flowing openness and warmth that
characterize unlimited joy.

"I know a bird can fly, a fish can swim, and an animal can run. For that which runs, a net can be fashioned. For that which swims a line can be strung. But the ascent of a Dragon on the Wind into heaven is something that is beyond my knowledge."

Confucius

This is the path we take in cultivating joy: learning not to armorour basic goodness, learning to appreciate what we have.

But as we practice, we may come to the point where we see themagic of the present moment;

This is the ongoing experience of limitless joy.

floundering as we "grasp and fixate."

About 3 weeks in this 'big cry' came out, I just wanted to cry and
cry. It went on for about 3 days

Recovering and Child, it is so much fun to ignite one another and see and feel the returning fire!

A beautiful morning here.

Cedar

 

[recoveringenabler]

"Some things are because you name them. You perpetuate them in your language, you commiserate over the woe they have wrought you.

That is so true Cedar. It's like that quote I told you about where that facilitator who had been in jail for political reasons for many years (like Mandela) addressed the audience with this opening line: "Suffering is a linguistic phenomenon, in happens in our languaging."

In thinking about this thread yesterday, I remembered someone telling me that one needs to declare a thing complete, to use our words to simply state this is now over. Words are powerful and we can keep ourselves in our own 'story' for a lifetime...........that's a big concept in Buddhism too, our 'story' and the attachment we have to it........Carolyn Myss addresses that in her books too, she calls it "woundology" our attachment to our "wounds" and how much we identify with them.

All of that seems important to me now. As in so much in life, first things are theoretical, they are known in the mind.........and then they drop down into a deeper realm, where real change can happen...........right now, for me the enabling path seems to have come to a dead end. I think those tendencies are going to be there because it's a vulnerable place for me, but I feel as if I have a handle on it and I can use the tools I have to not engage in that fashion. I want to move on from this, from the "story" ............I want to create a new chapter now. I am declaring this chapter, OVER.

I made a plan to take off for the weekend with SO. As we spoke about in the 'living on the street' thread, I have that spirit of adventure and wanderlust myself and since my granddaughter has been with me, I have been in deep 'grandma responsibility mode'. Being responsible for others has in the past kept me stuck in the enabling stuff and far away from the me who is free spirited. That 'me' seems to be coming home now and suddenly I am excited to let her lead.

It feels to me as if this enabling part of me has faded into the past and I am 'empty' now.........I can create newly from this 'emptied' place, things are looking brighter and way more fun. I have had a glimpse of that "limitless joy" with my ability to have compassion for myself and feel that deep gratitude.

Last night at dinner, SO, granddaughter and I were talking about traveling. Out of no where she says, "My BFF (and her future roommate in college) and I decided that whenever you guys travel, as we grow up we are saving our money and we're tagging along with you because you guys really know how to have fun and you go to cool places!" I was somewhat surprised given these last few weeks of change we've all gone through, but I have to say, it couldn't have done more to warm my heart..........she is actually a pretty good traveling companion herself, we've taken her on a number of trips and we have always had a good time, just the 3 of us.

So, we are heading out to the Mendocino coast, one of my favorite places in California, just a gorgeous little village on the water. It hasn't changed much in 40 years........and looks like the weather will favor us. Hitting the road always makes me so happy. And, brings to mind that Sandburg quote, which SO says a lot too, "we don't know where we're going, but we're on our way!"

Yes, my friends, it is a beautiful morning here too.............ENJOY!

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Ha! Recovering, I get the biggest charge out of you.

:O)

(Yes, I realize there are multiple layers to that statement, every one of them true.)

It's like that quote I told you about where that facilitator who
had been in jail for political reasons for many years
(like Mandela) addressed the audience with this opening line:
"Suffering is a linguistic phenomenon, in happens in our languaging."

I love that quote.

Pretty much, it all comes back to what every spiritual belief system tells us: Free will, perception, the capacity to define ourselves and our situations. These things are all in our power. I am beginning to believe they are our responsibilities.

This capacity to define, and eventually, to define with joy.

Words are powerful and we can keep ourselves in our own 'story' for a lifetime...........that's a big concept in Buddhism too, our
'story' and the attachment we have to it........Carolyn Myss
addresses that in her books too, she calls it "woundology" our
attachment to our "wounds" and how much we identify with
them.

I see that so clearly in my own story now, Recovering. Not as nicely, of course. Everything with me seems to come through that thin veil of self (and other) contempt. Something to do with judgment, something to do with shame, patronization, awe.... So I still have some work to do. But I see the choice in a way I never did, before. I see an alternative to what I knew, to what I know, of my story. I think what I see is a new way to see.

But I am not there, yet.

COM posted something about a child and sunshine. Or about an adult and sunshine. I see a child. That opened this newness for me. That concept of a child laughing, the sun on her face and her palms.

Love it.

There is a sense, not so much of discovery as of process in all this.

Thank you, each of you, for accompanying me, for sticking with me.

There have been times (and I suppose there will be others) when even I would have left myself alone with it, if I could.

Self desertion doesn't seem to be an option, anymore.

Time. I am no longer panicked at what I see, at what I know. I have time.

That must be what it feels like, once the fear and shame are manageable.

That sense of peace and time and...NOW.

:O)

I have been in deep 'grandma responsibility mode'. Being
responsible for others has in the past kept me stuck in the
enabling stuff and far away from the me who is free spirited.
That 'me' seems to be coming home now and suddenly I am
excited to let her lead.

I am 'empty' now.

Know what all these pieces brought to mind? The imagery of the empty bowl, of course, with all that implies, spiritually. But the bowl was of metal ~ copper, bronze...gold? And when the bowl is played, Recovering? The quality of the sound, the strength and brightness and purity of it...lights up the very heavens.

Well, I cannot work the quote part on that last paragraph. I would have included the whole thing. I love that imagery! I see you roaring along the highway by the sea, sun in your hair, sun in the air, sun everywhere, so bright and strong and clean.

There is a salt tang to the air, and what could be better than that.

Cedar

 

[recoveringenabler]

Here you go wise warrior women........

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

I like that, Recovering.

That is a good thing for us to say to ourselves, in the face of all the loss. I was never aware of my own strength as a palpable thing, before.

Something implacable, there.

Something earned, something real.

Very nice, Recovering. Thank you so much.

Cedar