R
runawaybunny
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<span style="color: #000099">Hi everyone, I am posting this message on behalf of the author. She is going to review the responses to her message here and then register for her own membership:</span>
I do not know if it is too late to search for help. I have a 21 year old son and we´ve got to a point that is unbearable.
We live in Guatemala. Since he was a baby he showed signs of being gifted and talented. He started talking at the age of four months, and at the end of his first year he was able to walk, run , draw faces with eyes and eyebrows and speak , Speak like a four-year old boy. He played soccer and understood its rules since he was two year and a half. We we sent him tu nursery, the teachers were astonished at his capacities in almost all areas (he was two-years old). In addition he was very sociable and happy.
We live in Guatemala and had (at that time) balance in our economy and I was still married. I`m a victim of a terrible assault when I was sixteen when I was raped and treated with extreme violence by a group of armed men. I developed a mistreated and neglected by my family group PTSD, that I could started to care about with medical assitance almost 10 years later when my son was two years old. I still suffer from it.
When he was six, he developed a fear of abandonement with me, and I couldn´t leave him for a half hour, he was in rage and panic. This was just in our house, because at school he did well, but did not show his skills as in the beginning. Gradually he started failing at school and becoming more and more aggressive. The abandonement behaviours ended when I divorced. But he became aggressive and started to fail even more at school. At this moment he was 10. He was popular, still, pertained to the soccer team in his school, but could not face failure, if he couldn´t or his team couldn´t win, he was not able to cope with it and started having trouble with his couch and friends.
When he developed the abandonement fear or fobia, (at six) we took him to a Psychologist who treated him for almost two years and there was no change. He stopped the behaviors (crying everytime I left home, etc.) when we divorced, or my ex husband leaved home.
At the age of eleven, he was asked to repeat the course because of his low development in math. We went to the best Psychiatrist in our country and he was evaluated in many areas. They found that he had an IQ of 127, 137 in the verbal area and 121 in the manipulative area. This showed that he was talented. They couldn´t find real signs of ADD, but they found he was extremely anxious and angry and had defiant behaviors and poor self-esteem.
He was treated with therapy for few months, but refused to go. They recommended us to change him to another school. But it was not a good advise. He started to fail in all the subjects and was asked to leave this school forever because of his defiant behaviour and being a negative leader.
We placed him in a schools supposed to help troubled teens. They had structure from 7:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. The first two years worked, at least in school he was trying. At home he became outrageously defiant, verbally aggressive and intolerant towards me (mother). He went crazy when I started a new relationship. He called me names, tried to hit me, etc.
He went to live with my sister (we live in the same place, just a house in the middle) because he said he couldn´t bear being near me because I was a total faillure as a mother.
I think I cried every day, since he has been 12-years old, because of his aggressive behaviours. I tried establishing limits, asking for respect, trying to validate his emotions, but nothing helped.
The school change its program to a regular one, so I decided he finished highschool homeschooling, because he was about to fail his third academic year.
He finished highschool and now is at what we call University in our country, but I believe he is just faking doing something, I think that he will drop soon.
He was passionate about rock and had a band, obsessed about it all day long for a year and then dropped it.
Now he is obssed with his girlfriend, who went to Paris for a year, and he is obsessed in going there to visit her and is every day asking me for the money that in this moment I do not have. He has no other conversation, no other idea in his mind. He just asks for money, if I do not give him money for his cell phone (he has been spending over a thousand dollars in calls to Europe) he attacks me verbally or tries to destroy parts of our property.
Two years ago, I moved with my fiancée. He stayed home. We lived in a group of family houses, my sister, brother and mother they all live there. He did not wanted to come with me I did not want him to come with me either, because the aggressiveness is unbearable and I found some peace in my new home. Though, everybody makes me feel like I abandoned him. I go to see him every day, pay for his food, his transportation, his home, everything. He never calls me to see how I am doing. He just asks for money. The only thing is that we do not sleep in the same house. But still I feel terribly guilty and this is how he manipulates me.
My fiancée has tried to get near him, but cannot stand that he treats me so horribly and told me that if this continues he does not want him near. People that work with me tell me that they have never seen a son treat a mother like he does.
He calls me about 20 times a day asking for the money to this trip. He just started college, he has no job, no responsibilities, we are still paying for his car. I do not have the money right now, but I am afraid he will damage himself if he does not go to this trip. I believe he has developed fear of abandonement with the girlfriend.
I feel guilty, because me and my partner are traveling to Europe, as every year (this is paid by my fiancée). My ex husband is trying as hard to give him everything he needs financially, but he is recovering from a long-term depression because he lost a 12-year relationship with his last girlfriend and he is a depressive person and just lately found the right medication for him.
I do not know what to do. I made an appointment with a Psychiatrist, but my son refuses to go, because he believes that this money must be invested in his trip.
I feel there is no way out here. I would appreciate your help from the bottom of my soul.
I do not know if it is too late to search for help. I have a 21 year old son and we´ve got to a point that is unbearable.
We live in Guatemala. Since he was a baby he showed signs of being gifted and talented. He started talking at the age of four months, and at the end of his first year he was able to walk, run , draw faces with eyes and eyebrows and speak , Speak like a four-year old boy. He played soccer and understood its rules since he was two year and a half. We we sent him tu nursery, the teachers were astonished at his capacities in almost all areas (he was two-years old). In addition he was very sociable and happy.
We live in Guatemala and had (at that time) balance in our economy and I was still married. I`m a victim of a terrible assault when I was sixteen when I was raped and treated with extreme violence by a group of armed men. I developed a mistreated and neglected by my family group PTSD, that I could started to care about with medical assitance almost 10 years later when my son was two years old. I still suffer from it.
When he was six, he developed a fear of abandonement with me, and I couldn´t leave him for a half hour, he was in rage and panic. This was just in our house, because at school he did well, but did not show his skills as in the beginning. Gradually he started failing at school and becoming more and more aggressive. The abandonement behaviours ended when I divorced. But he became aggressive and started to fail even more at school. At this moment he was 10. He was popular, still, pertained to the soccer team in his school, but could not face failure, if he couldn´t or his team couldn´t win, he was not able to cope with it and started having trouble with his couch and friends.
When he developed the abandonement fear or fobia, (at six) we took him to a Psychologist who treated him for almost two years and there was no change. He stopped the behaviors (crying everytime I left home, etc.) when we divorced, or my ex husband leaved home.
At the age of eleven, he was asked to repeat the course because of his low development in math. We went to the best Psychiatrist in our country and he was evaluated in many areas. They found that he had an IQ of 127, 137 in the verbal area and 121 in the manipulative area. This showed that he was talented. They couldn´t find real signs of ADD, but they found he was extremely anxious and angry and had defiant behaviors and poor self-esteem.
He was treated with therapy for few months, but refused to go. They recommended us to change him to another school. But it was not a good advise. He started to fail in all the subjects and was asked to leave this school forever because of his defiant behaviour and being a negative leader.
We placed him in a schools supposed to help troubled teens. They had structure from 7:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. The first two years worked, at least in school he was trying. At home he became outrageously defiant, verbally aggressive and intolerant towards me (mother). He went crazy when I started a new relationship. He called me names, tried to hit me, etc.
He went to live with my sister (we live in the same place, just a house in the middle) because he said he couldn´t bear being near me because I was a total faillure as a mother.
I think I cried every day, since he has been 12-years old, because of his aggressive behaviours. I tried establishing limits, asking for respect, trying to validate his emotions, but nothing helped.
The school change its program to a regular one, so I decided he finished highschool homeschooling, because he was about to fail his third academic year.
He finished highschool and now is at what we call University in our country, but I believe he is just faking doing something, I think that he will drop soon.
He was passionate about rock and had a band, obsessed about it all day long for a year and then dropped it.
Now he is obssed with his girlfriend, who went to Paris for a year, and he is obsessed in going there to visit her and is every day asking me for the money that in this moment I do not have. He has no other conversation, no other idea in his mind. He just asks for money, if I do not give him money for his cell phone (he has been spending over a thousand dollars in calls to Europe) he attacks me verbally or tries to destroy parts of our property.
Two years ago, I moved with my fiancée. He stayed home. We lived in a group of family houses, my sister, brother and mother they all live there. He did not wanted to come with me I did not want him to come with me either, because the aggressiveness is unbearable and I found some peace in my new home. Though, everybody makes me feel like I abandoned him. I go to see him every day, pay for his food, his transportation, his home, everything. He never calls me to see how I am doing. He just asks for money. The only thing is that we do not sleep in the same house. But still I feel terribly guilty and this is how he manipulates me.
My fiancée has tried to get near him, but cannot stand that he treats me so horribly and told me that if this continues he does not want him near. People that work with me tell me that they have never seen a son treat a mother like he does.
He calls me about 20 times a day asking for the money to this trip. He just started college, he has no job, no responsibilities, we are still paying for his car. I do not have the money right now, but I am afraid he will damage himself if he does not go to this trip. I believe he has developed fear of abandonement with the girlfriend.
I feel guilty, because me and my partner are traveling to Europe, as every year (this is paid by my fiancée). My ex husband is trying as hard to give him everything he needs financially, but he is recovering from a long-term depression because he lost a 12-year relationship with his last girlfriend and he is a depressive person and just lately found the right medication for him.
I do not know what to do. I made an appointment with a Psychiatrist, but my son refuses to go, because he believes that this money must be invested in his trip.
I feel there is no way out here. I would appreciate your help from the bottom of my soul.
