Recently I have come to some conclusions

[Enmeshedmom]

I have spent sooo much time trying to change my older difficult child, I have used control and manipulation to try to change him into what I think he should be. But really, what do I know? He has always been on his own path and had his own ideas no matter what I think about it. This power struggle we have only angers and frustrates the both of us and it feels like we both lose. I think I’m ready to wave the white flag, to surrender and just love him for who he is where he is at. I can still hold my boundaries in a way that respects his autonomy. I have to let go of my ego and admit that I don’t have all the answers for living everyone else’s life. He has always had his own way of doing things and it isn’t always pretty but I have to respect him for trying instead of just doing everything I tell him he should do. Some kids just need the universe to kick them around a little before they decide who they are.

 

[Tanya M]

It's never easy to admit that we don't have all the answers for our difficult adult children. I think you find that letting go will bring you so much freedom and peace. I know it has for me.

Thanks for sharing this with us!

 

[Triedntrue]

I agree. i tried so hard for my son to be successful in my way. I am now letting him try to be successful on his own. I have more peace in my life even though it is hard to know he struggles with everyday things. He is working and i don't know much above that. In the end i hope he will be successful in his eyes. I hope he will be able to say i did it on my own. I know that i worked hard to be able to retire and i deserve to use my retirement myself not constantly struggling to pay for him to live in comfort. I can only pray which i do every day that God takes care of him and helps him learn to live on his own.

 

[Awakening1990]

I can relate to this very much. Every time I get lost in the what ifs, the ruminating, the sadness of it all, what brings me back to the center of things is realizing that my idea of success is not the same as my adult son. My ideas don't look the same as his, nor has it ever. I've been through a lot, learning how to change myself and to accept that my adult son can only live his life on his own terms not mine. Acceptance is key. I could not for so long. I'm starting to get a glimpse of what that means and how it feels.