rehab

bluebell

Well-Known Member
Yes, RN I am painfully aware that this may not work. And it is very expensive 'rent' for one month. But I don't know what else to do. We told him he couldn't move back home until he went to rehab so now it's on us. I just got off the phone with the insurance lady. I do not understand this level of incompetence. I had this set up back in October and he bolted so I am having to tell them the answers to my questions.

I wish I could sleep. It's been a tough few nights for me. Let us know how the medium goes. Addicted to the long island medium show. Would like to see if my mom could help me with my son. She would have the right answers if anyone.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Thanks SWOT.
A lady at work went to see her and this lady is a very serious person and felt she had the gift due to the things she was told that no one could have known - stuff you cannot Google. She also had other family members go that said the same thing. I trust her judgement 100%. I also believe in spirituality very much.

Bluebell:
I am completely addicted to Theresa also! The woman I'm seeing has great reviews on YELP also and is a top ten in Chicago. It's $150 for 60 minutes which is the most expensive reading she offers but I figure why not.

I would love to hear from my parents who died before I was even an adult. My in-laws also died about 8 years ago and I have two girlfriends that also passed suddenly. I'll know immediately if she's the real deal.

I know for a fact that my mother in law, who is a very outspoken German woman and my husband is her youngest, only son and FAVORITE as known by all would watch over our son if there is a chance in hell that is possible!! I do expect her to come through even if no one else does due to her personality.

Some people asked me - what if she tells you something bad - I say nothing can be worse than what is already swimming in my head!!
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Rn, if you would be so kind, and want to, please PM me with her name. I am in the Chcago area often to visit Princess and my grandchild. So we could all go!

Thank you either way.

Theresa is the real deal. Love her. Read all her bookss, watch her show.

Mediums do not tell you tradegy. We have free will so things can change. Plus they want you ro feel positive, not negative.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
SWOT
I tried but got an error. It said that I may NOT start a conversation with you!
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Rn, if you would be so kind, and want to, please PM me with her name. I am in the Chcago area often to visit Princess and my grandchild. So we could all go!

Thank you either way.

Theresa is the real deal. Love her. Read all her bookss, watch her show.

Mediums do not tell you tradegy. We have free will so things can change. Plus they want you ro feel positive, not negative.

Her name is Susan Rowlen.
 

toughlovin

Well-Known Member
My son has also been in and out of rehab. Eventually I got to a place where I realize this is this journey and it will be whatever it will be. I have no control over it and there is nothing I can do. But the good news is there is progress. My son is currently living wth us and he is not sober BUT he is working, and gets himself up and to work every day. So he is functioning which is better than the past. And he is treating us reasonably... it really has been ok. So progress is progress. Hang in there Bluebell and try not to have expectations one way or the other. This is his journey and you are only a passenger.
 

bluebell

Well-Known Member
Thanks everyone. I have another non-update. Didn't get around to verifying insurance and reviewing application till late. Have to have him call first thing Monday morning to have a phone interview. Not sure what that's about. So we have a weekend of waiting. I'm oncall (IT stuff) this weekend and it's not looking so good. I just got finished working for the day - I hope!, lots of problems, month end, etc. husband took kids to dinner and a movie. The 3 of us (me, husband and daughter) always do something on Friday nights, so it's strange and sucks that I couldn't go this time, but maybe it's for the best because I'm HIGH STRUNG. And A has always picked up on that, even as a cranky baby. Just hope we can keep him from bolting, but husband said if he bolts he bolts, another thing he can add to the list and at least we haven't paid the rehab yet.
I just started speculating on what he might do or where he might go, and I deleted the entire paragraph. There's no way to predict what he's gonna do. That's part of not having expectations like toughlovin advised me :)
 

bluebell

Well-Known Member
Yes he called today. They said they would call him back this afternoon. I only listened to the first part of the conversation, they seemed to be concerned that I was the one to fill out the application (I did for the most part, left the questions about what drugs/how often/etc for him to answer). Then I left the room but it was a 16 minute conversation. I've tried to call them back and also my husband but it goes to voicemail. I'm about to give up.
There are some intensive outpatient centers but they are not very close to where we live or work. They are half day morning programs and I know it would be a hassle to get him there. Not saying I wouldn't do it, but I'm not really wanting to do the whole 'get up and go to school' routine. He's a 20 year old man for crying out loud, not a teenager. I am past that, whether he is or not. Really.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
I think your son would benefit more from in patient as well (and you get some peace!!). That running back and forth for YOU is a pain. Been there/done that. My son went through the motions. I could just strangle him when I think about all WE did and all he did was took up space!!!

They are so busy at those places and seem understaffed also. I know it it so aggravating waiting around. At least you have a realistic view of all of this and I did NOT. I was so naive. OMG.

You sound VERY strong and you are so lucky to have that going for you! I was such a mess for the most part of the past 5 years!!
 

bluebell

Well-Known Member
Thanks, RN. We have tried to get him help in the past and it seemed there was none. We finally got him admitted to a dual diagnosis place when he was 17 and thought 'Oh boy!' Now he's getting help. They let him go after 7 days. After he had threatened to kill us and himself. The safety plan? To put our knives up. Okay..... He went thru motions of outpatient after that but nothing. Couldn't/wouldn't take the medications prescribed and he was on so many others that I wasn't comfortable with shoving more down his throat.
I remember one time at juvenile court, the lawyer bent over and asked us if he was in therapy. I nodded but was going to go in to the difficulties of getting him there, the futility of him being smart enough to say all the right things, etc - when he just leaned over and told the prosecutor 'He's receiving services.' The case was dropped before the judge could sit down. That's how it works in this state.
At this point, RN, I'm thinking I should take a page from part of your book, and move him 1500 miles from here. Might be just as effective.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Well I can't say I wish we hadn't done it. We literally tried everything under the sun and then I read about Florida and the programs they have there.

My son is still not flying straight; relapsed a few weeks ago said just drinking but I know it had to be benzos because he would never do what he did on just alcohol. I know the signs - he didn't deny when he talked to his dad either so there's that. I don't even talk to him right now; husband does. I have walls up high this time. They are getting thicker with each setback. Sometimes I feel like I should be involved to support him but I just can't right now. I sometimes feel like a coward because I'm not dealing with this at all but I am still suffering with worry. He isn't the person I want him to be. I don't know if he ever will be and that is the scary part. It's like he's not even related to us. So different than all of us. It's like a bad movie.
 

bluebell

Well-Known Member
I've followed your story RN and know exactly how you feel! I hate hate hate that I can work from home and so am stuck babysitting him. I've decided to go to work tomorrow. I need a break from babysitting. If he screws up, he screws up. I'm not stopping him anyhow. I will lock all of my stuff up. Luckily it's already confined to one cabinet...
 

bluebell

Well-Known Member
Well, get a load of this guys! The rehab rejected him, said his needs were too 'acute'. Whatever that means. Referred him to some private, non licensed 50K rehab, the same rehab I asked my dad to pay for (who said he would pay any price - until he heard the price) a few years ago. All the hospital settings I thought were around here only offer IOP it turns out. So we decided to take him to one of the IOP places for an assessment this evening. At least it would be something. Couldn't get him to go, had to threaten to kick him out again. Got him in the car and yelling and screaming ensued between my husband and son. He said he needed more than outpatient, that he has seen people die and he's messed up in the head. So I said 'Tell them that, maybe they will admit you.' But he didn't, he went in there and signed up for the IOP, every evening and Saturday mornings. He won't go.
I don't understand it. It's almost like he's dramatized this 'rehab' thing to his friends. I know I've gotten several 'Is he in yet?' texts from old friends since last week. I would be relieved I could sleep late, eat what I want and be able to go home to my own bed. But then I am not my son. feeling hopeless...
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I will lock all of my stuff up.
bluebell. I do not know what to tell you. Except to ask how long you feel you can continue living in this state of emergency and crisis?

We drove my son to a rehab place and he was not accepted for the same reason. He was interviewed alone and said all kinds of thinks that rendered him "too acute." I remember screaming in the car--and trying to run out--it all was too much for me. You do not want to get to this point. Eventually your son will have to deal or not deal with the situation. But he is the only one who can.

My son has gone to emergency hospitals multiple times. Sometimes they admit him. (That I am aware of he has not used pills.) But if he is using xanex or something like it, withdrawal needs to be supervised. Maybe by going to a psychiatric emergency hospital he can get short-term de-tox. And go from there. Or perhaps if that does not work, his family physician can supervise his withdrawal, if he chooses to stop.

But the issue here is: does he want to stop?

What about the free programs such as Victory Outreach or Synanon or St. Vincent De Paul. There are other programs too, that one could unearth through a few minutes research.

I am not proselytizing here, but I know this because M has been for the past few months studying with LDS missionaries here at our house. He has met several people who had serious drug programs who have recovered through this faith (which is not my own.) We have run into another group too that has a home for young men, but it is also faith-based.

You know, Job Corps will take youth with drug problems, but they cannot be actively using upon admission. Job Corps is a free government job training program with centers all over the country. They house and feed them, and they are well-supervised. The trainings are fantastic. Kids can elect to go to centers far from home, if they choose. I can speak based upon direct experience, about Job Corps. My son went.

The Military, too, can be an option. One mother's son, she posted here for a couple years at least (lovemyson), just completed basic training in the marines. He was a heroin addict who relapsed at least once, who had great success in a faith-based men's program.

These dire situations can change, just like that.

I guess I want to say this: until your son realizes he is the one with a problem that he has to fix, there is not going to be any change.

There are no magic pills....

What is the short-term plan, now?
 
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Catmom

Member
Bluebell...yes, I see the update now...leaping from my post to yours...my nephew is an addict and sad enough, he has many more rehab options now that his father dropped him from his insurance and my nephew is on Medicaid. My nephew just left for rehab about 2 weeks ago. Sadly, they learned that when he was in jail that their insurance made rehab too costly and that Medicaid actually allowed for more options for him. Both of my sister's boys are drug addicts so unfortunately, I have company from her in dealing with our children. I am just a bit further down the road in detachment than she is but she is slowing catching up.
 

bluebell

Well-Known Member
I called another rehab. They said he would need to call and start the process. So husband sent him a text and called him like 13 times and he won't answer. He had my daughter check that he is alive, and he is. So why does he say he needs more than IOP but won't even make a phone call? Because he wants me to deliver him to the rehab so that he can receive his 'rehab badge' and impress his friends without doing anything to get in?

He did have the assessment last night at the psychiatric hospital. That's why I told him to tell them what he says to us. He didn't of course, cool as a cucumber, and got referred to the IOP rather than any other program they have.

I'm pretty sure I could research programs all day long and it would still come down to this. He is not a 6 year old I'm trying to sign up for soccer. At some point he has to take charge of this.

He's supposed to be there at 5:30 tonight. This is going to end badly.
 

pasajes4

Well-Known Member
He's supposed to be there at 5:30 tonight. This is going to end badly.
Try not to write this chapter. It may or may not end badly. We tend to project our thoughts and feelings. Our struggling kiddos can read us and will act on our feelings.
 
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